3 Daze Clean

[JINKSTER]

hey folks...sorry i havent been around lately...been hitt'in a lot of NA meetings..for 3 weeks now..and today?..i got 2 weeks even off any an all opiates and 3 days clean from all drugs and alcohol.

did get to meet sleepless_red and his lovely family last sunday at a cracker barrel for lunch..great folks..and more on that later when i got some time this weekend...working 10 hours a day and meetings every night.

Good news?..got my 05 Titan PU running after it sat for 10 months..bad crank sensor.

Bad News?: Looks like wifey is gonna take my last 2 daughters and run after 20+ years of marriage...and truth is?..i'm roller-coastering on being "Okay/NOT Okay" with that..but gotta stay focused on NOT USING

more later...gotta 7:30 meeting to make tonight..

Saiid...wifeys taken the daughters and run to her sisters house okeechobee for the entire weekend...again...call me if ya can fit in a ride..l8r, Bill.

 

[Bigdog5]

Keep up the good work! Stay strong and get you where you want to be!!

 

[Blanca BusaLess]

Bill I'm happy your turning the page on the bad habits .
Sorry that wife is leaving but you never know it may turn out to be a good thing . Wherever she goes your abscence may make her realize how much she loves and misses you .
May go for a ride early Sunday morning if you want ?
Sleepless is coming here tomorrow for breakfast before they hit the dusty trail . Your welcome to come to my crib around 9-9:30 for all the fixins

 

[sleepless_red]

Keep up the good work, brother. Glad you got to spend some time with us on our first day here. Keep in touch.

 

[BlondeOnaBusa]

Keep up the good work Bill. It will pay off in the long run.

 

[Poppy]

Good news on the sobriety.....sorry to hear about the marital woes though!

 

[tmf2004]

Glad to hear your on the straight and narrow.. To many bad habits in this town.. I work in the Medical field and see it every weekend.. Glad your being strong and fighting the habits.. Hope everythig works out for the better in your marriage.. I PM'd you yesterday but sounds like your pretty busy. GL with everything

Tony

 

[NINJA KILLER]

Keep it up Bill , You can do this !

 

[III]

GOOD STUFF MAN! Keep at it!

 

[JINKSTER]

THANKS EVERYBODY!...i deeply appreciate any words of encouragement these days..do'in much better financially (duh)..and feelin much better spiritually (double duh)...but physically?..i still feel like hammered shid..everyday is still a struggle to force my body to do the things thats expected of me at work and home..and then end every evening with a quick shower and haul azz to a meeting..(my highlight of each day lately)..and i wouldnt miss it for the world..lotsa shid being said that i need to hear to stay clean on a daily basis..cool part is..i've been down this road before..and all my old spiritual NA/AA tools i used for 16+ years are still in the box..i just needed to get back through those doors..lift the old dusty lid and start putting them to good use again.

As far as the Family/Marriage thing goes?..i gotta put that shid outta my head and on the back burner for now as i'm just not ready to deal with heavy shid like that yet...but i will..and as soon as i'm able to as..this is how bad things got..

about a week and 1/2 ago?..i had 5 days off all painkiller/opiates...still going through horrific withdrawls/cravings...and smokin the shid outta crypy (cause i didnt wanna do this shid called "syboxin"?..a beta blocker my dealer actually offered to start selling me (i was that bad..for several years) to deal with/combat the withdrawls and as i informed my 17 year old daughter and wife that as soon as this crypys smoked and gone?..I'm done with it all...no drugs...no alcohol...no nothing...and i'm staying with the NA program..both had fear in their eyes when i mentioned that little tidbit and my 17 year old responded with..

"Dad...we're happy your kicking the blues but...you gotta keep smoking weed or drinking or something!"

i chuckled in dibelief at what i was hearing and inquired "Why is that?"

and she responded with...

"Cause...we remember what you were like when you were clean & sober and we cant take you like that anymore."

well..even in my delerious state of 4-5 nights of no sleep withdrawls i musta had my 2 last brain cells collide and responded with..

"No Dear!..it's not that ya'll cant take me like that anymore..it's more like...you guys know you cant MANIPULATE ME when i'm not like this anymore!..I'VE HAD IT!..i'm done with drugs and alcohol!"

her eyes welled up as wifey shook her head in disgust and they both stormed away.

And?..thats where i'm at with Marriage/Family deal...and i feel so bad for my 12 year old..she hasnt a clue the garden path her mother and older sisters have led her down all these years as..hindsight being 20/20?..i should've never worked 2nd shift all those years i did and all those 7/12 shifts i did..as apparently?..it filled my wife with resentment of basically raising our 3 daughters on her own and while daddy was at work bustin azz?..mom was home preachin to the young ones that daddy sux and mommy rox..and even though i paid ALL the bills whilst momma bear stashed her cash to take the girls on shopping sprees and vacations (sans dear old dad)?..it seems i've been treated like something they wanted to scape off their shoe for many years..and several years before i ever broke down and picked up that first drink..and now its time to pay the piper for my gross oversight and wrong doings..but thats "HOW" i...broke...as a father..a husband..and a stand-up kinda man.

However?..this too shall pass..thanks again everyone and?..

L8R, Bill.

 

[Dr E]

Congratulations my friend. 3 days clean is 3 more then you were before! Each day you move forward is another day of reclaiming your life back and becoming the good person that you are. It is a major accomplishment and you need to be proud of yourself for each and every day, hour and minute that you continue on this path. You have the support of a lot of people and a lot of prayers as well.

Please know you remain in our families prayers each day!

God bless you my friend!

 

[JINKSTER]

Congratulations my friend. 3 days clean is 3 more then you were before! Each day you move forward is another day of reclaiming your life back and becoming the good person that you are. It is a major accomplishment and you need to be proud of yourself for each and every day, hour and minute that you continue on this path. You have the support of a lot of people and a lot of prayers as well.

Please know you remain in our families prayers each day!

God bless you my friend!

thank you and your family so much DR E..i'll take all the prayers i can get these days..cause even though the withdrawls were horrifically brutal?..that was just the 1/2 of it...the other 1/2 was coming out of my drug induced haze and recognizing the reality of how much physical damage i've done to myself and the emotional damage i've done to others..the ones i loved the most..it sux to know i wouldnt even give a thought or hesitation to taking a bullet for any of'em and here i've become..the shooter...and recognizing the reality of "that"...is beyond painful.

L8R, Bill.

 

[Kaptain Kanji]

Congrats Bill, You're doing good. Take the clean time minute by minute at first. When you feel like taking something grab a nice hunk of your favorite candy and work on that. One of those Ghirardelli chocolates would work. I understand what you're going thru with the marriage, I'm married to my third wife now and things are working OK. I went thru the same manipulation stuff with the first wife. She was spoiling the crap outta the kids and making me look like the bad guy. All you can do is move on with life and walk down a better path. You've got a job and a vehicle to drive, so that's a good start.
We're all behind you all the way..!!

 

[JINKSTER]

Congrats Bill, You're doing good. Take the clean time minute by minute at first. When you feel like taking something grab a nice hunk of your favorite candy and work on that. One of those Ghirardelli chocolates would work. I understand what you're going thru with the marriage, I'm married to my third wife now and things are working OK. I went thru the same manipulation stuff with the first wife. She was spoiling the crap outta the kids and making me look like the bad guy. All you can do is move on with life and walk down a better path. You've got a job and a vehicle to drive, so that's a good start.
We're all behind you all the way..!!

Thanks man and...

"I went thru the same manipulation stuff with the first wife. She was spoiling the crap outta the kids and making me look like the bad guy."

Bingo!..wasnt able to say it better myself...guess i'm not alone and you can relate "EXACTLY" to the dilema that knocked me off my perch of rightousness..seems to be a stereotypical stigma of mommys who suffer from low self-esteem issues...all the while i'm thinking that i was bust'in azz so hard and do'in so much right for them that nobody should've been suffering from a d@mn thing..and then i get to take it on the head and break down?..wtf was i thinking?

should've been a huge tip-off when i learned that her sisters 1st husband went from rodeo bull riding green horse breaking tough guy to divorced on brokeback mountain.

man...if i ever get out of this shid?..i need to stay the fug outta okeechobee!

Thanks Kaptain Kanji..you said "EXACTLY" what i needed to hear today ..and i WILL be swinging by the candy shop later on my way to tonights 8:30 Candlelight NA meeting...forgot all about the chocolate gig.

Thanks again & L8R, Bill.

 

[craigntx]

hey folks...sorry i havent been around lately...been hitt'in a lot of NA meetings..for 3 weeks now..and today?..i got 2 weeks even off any an all opiates and 3 days clean from all drugs and alcohol.

did get to meet sleepless_red and his lovely family last sunday at a cracker barrel for lunch..great folks..and more on that later when i got some time this weekend...working 10 hours a day and meetings every night.

Good news?..got my 05 Titan PU running after it sat for 10 months..bad crank sensor.

Bad News?: Looks like wifey is gonna take my last 2 daughters and run after 20+ years of marriage...and truth is?..i'm roller-coastering on being "Okay/NOT Okay" with that..but gotta stay focused on NOT USING

more later...gotta 7:30 meeting to make tonight..

Saiid...wifeys taken the daughters and run to her sisters house okeechobee for the entire weekend...again...call me if ya can fit in a ride..l8r, Bill.

you got a busa and a job still? can get a new gf

 

[Big Bo]

Jink you hang in there. It will get better. Going through the divorce thing myself. I cried like a baby. 31 yrs down the drain. I stopped drinking 2 1/2 yrs ago. I have a clear head. A clear conscience. My thought process is clear, and I figured what the hell. One kid in college, one going to be a seinor in HS, and I am basically broke, but no pain in the rear tugging on me. Dated a couple times and it was weird.

Life goes on, one day at a time.

You will be OK. Just don`t give up.

Peaceout.

 

[mitchluv1]

Jinx, sorry to hear about the family situation but it sounds like it could've been the cause. Please don't take this the wrong way but take this time to work on YOU. Fix whats in your control first (your issuses) and the other stuff will work its self out later.

 

[JJsBusaRox]

I can only imagine the difficulties you are going through and how hard it must be to get back on the right track. Kicking these bad habits is definitely not an easy thing to do. For now, take baby steps as you work on your road to recovery. As you heal and get stronger you will be able to jump over this hurdle and continue on to getting your life back together. My prayers are with you brother.

 

[smac]

Congrats on your progress! Hope and pray everything else works out for you.

 

[skydivr]

Just put down one day at a time.