blond joke

warp10

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Blonde Mortician

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly-tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and she says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I' m very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'
'So I just switched the heads.'
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Betcha didn't see that coming.
 
oh my.....
rofl.gif
 
Not as good as Warp's one but here are a few more

No1,
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The blonde wife, picked up the phone, listened for a moment
and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?' The wife said, 'I don't know,
some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-..,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

No2,
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on
the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the
mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.' The second blonde
says, 'Here, let me see!' So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

No3,
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her,
so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment
unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him
in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,
she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-..,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

No4,
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, and ask me, I know all of them.'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy: W.'

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-..,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

No5,
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
'Is it mine?'

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-..,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

No6,
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog,
then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman'
 
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