How do you want to die?

[fallenarch]

Sorry to be a downer but my 90 year old Aunt has been in the hospital this entire holiday season and it's been a real eye opener. Getting past 85 or so means a serious loss of dignity in many ways. They released her from the hospital a few days ago and put her in a rehab facility which turned out to be pretty much an old folk's home. Walking through there is so depressing, I can't explain it. My Aunt begged us to take her out of there and of course we refused. My parents kept saying things like you'll be in "capable hands here" and "they can get you stronger so you can enjoy life again". But I knew what my Aunt knows. This is the beginning of the end and she is ready to get things over with. She didn't want to die there, she wants to die at home. I didn't say anything to my mom (it's her sister), I don't think she realizes why my Aunt wanted to come home against all counsel. Think of all the things we don't experience because of the risk. Existing is not living and you should grab every experience you can and let fate determine how long you walk the earth. The bottom line is that as gruesome as some motorcycle accidents are the slow, merciless process of dying of natural causes is the most horrible thing I have ever witnessed.

 

[MoNoXiDe]

Ya, I dont think that I would want to be in a old folks home. They do seem depressing.

 

[sixpack577]

First off, I'm sorry to hear of any individual and family going through that(I have been there myself).

"85 or so" though, I think is in the range alot of us assume that we'll live to, or more.
Assuming that nothing else gets us in the meantime.
I respectfully say that is a bad misconception.
As many of us will live long lives, many of us won't.
Healthy young people drop dead every day, and people that drink and smoke all their life live to be 100.
Reality is that no one know'w what the future holds. The future being the next 30 seconds or the next 30 years.
It's great to have a positive attitude, take care of your health, and plan to live a long life. But you never know when the end is coming, by your own carelessness or someone else's, or that your body just gives out.
Personally, I thank GOD daily for the health of my family as well as my own. I ask Him that we all live to see my daughter grown. Otherwise, I'm happy and at peace. We may go slowly and see death approaching, or be gone in the blink of an eye.
Get right with GOD today, or if you're a non beliver, then make peace with yourself and accept the inevitable.

 

[Poppy]

I agree dying at home is the best way....To answer your question though, it would be ideal to know when it's happening so you can get your affairs in order, say your goodbyes, etc....The best is to realize today might be the last day and live accordingly.

 

[dadofthree]

Back in the day people dying of natural death just went to bed and didn't get up in the morning. That would be nice.

 

[sixpack577]

I agree dying at home is the best way....To answer your question though, it would be ideal to know when it's happening so you can get your affairs in order, say your goodbyes, etc....The best is to realize today might be the last day and live accordingly.

Yes sir, live life to the fullest and each day as if it were your last.
Never go to bed angry, especially with loved ones.

 

[Poppy]

Yes sir, live life to the fullest and each day as if it were your last.
Never go to bed angry, especially with loved ones.

That's great advice.....

 

[captain]

I want to die on my porch in the spring with a light breeze... I spend a lot of time on that porch... I have watched my boys growing up in the yard, playing ball, water games, riding motorcycles. I have had so many friends over on that porch, sitting around a table and laughing and eating on that porch. I have sat by a fire by myself in times that my life seemed perfect and in times that I didn't know how to take the next breath. I've napped, read my bible and laughed so hard I cried there. I want to die on my porch comforted in my memories.....

cap

 

[TallTom]

My dad just died last week at 93. He had a nice meal with his wife of 70 years and my sister and brother-in-law. Had 2 glasses of wine and one spiked eggnog. Played with the dogs. Played cards with his 30 year old granddaughter. He was talkative and had a great time. Cracking jokes and asking for 2 deserts.

They live 400 feet away from my sister in a cabin. It was cold and snowy so my mom drove them down to the main house. My dad for years was known to be able fall asleep instantly when he got into a car. My mom and he left the main house arm in arm. Dad got into the car. Mom walked around to get in and drive back that 400 feet. Dad was already asleep. She made the short drive. Parked at the entrance to the cabin and said OK Honey we're home let's get out. He didn't move. Dad...wake up!! He woke up. Mom said he just stared for a second. Dad open the door and I will help you out. He stared again. Dad Open the door so I can help you out. He found the handle and opened the door. Mom honestly thought he was just a little drunk from the party.

She helped him stand up, he stared sort of blankly. Honey we need to walk. He said. Where is Tom? And gently fell to his knees and then to the ground. Mom honestly thought he just went to sleep. He was in fact dying. Mom thought he was sleeping so she called my sister to help her get him up. My sister came over and said Mom he is not sleeping. Call 911. Ambulance showed up in 3 minutes. They confirmed he was dead.

He had a great last night, it was sudden and he didn't appear to have any discomfort and he simply went to sleep beside his wife.

I wanna go just like that when its my time. Or suddenly doing something I enjoy.

The only thing that gets to me about it is his last words were "Where is Tom?" I wish he would have looked at his wife of 70 years and managed one last "I love you" to her.

I consoled mom when they called me. She said she was at peace with it. She stroked him and felt his last beats of his heart and his last breath. She said she was happy it went the way it did also.

 

[captain]

My dad just died last week at 93. He had a nice meal with his wife of 70 years and my sister and brother-in-law. Had 2 glasses of wine and one spiked eggnog. Played with the dogs. Played cards with his 30 year old granddaughter. He was talkative and had a great time. Cracking jokes and asking for 2 deserts.

They live 400 feet away from my sister in a cabin. It was cold and snowy so my mom drove them down to the main house. My dad for years was known to be able fall asleep instantly when he got into a car. My mom and he left the main house arm in arm. Dad got into the car. Mom walked around to get in and drive back that 400 feet. Dad was already asleep. She made the short drive. Parked at the entrance to the cabin and said OK Honey we're home let's get out. He didn't move. Dad...wake up!! He woke up. Mom said he just stared for a second. Dad open the door and I will help you out. He stared again. Dad Open the door so I can help you out. He found the handle and opened the door. Mom honestly thought he was just a little drunk from the party.

She helped him stand up, he stared sort of blankly. Honey we need to walk. He said. Where is Tom? And gently fell to his knees and then to the ground. Mom honestly thought he just went to sleep. He was in fact dying. Mom thought he was sleeping so she called my sister to help her get him up. My sister came over and said Mom he is not sleeping. Call 911. Ambulance showed up in 3 minutes. They confirmed he was dead.

He had a great last night, it was sudden and he didn't appear to have any discomfort and he simply went to sleep beside his wife.

I wanna go just like that when its my time. Or suddenly doing something I enjoy.

The only thing that gets to me about it is his last words were "Where is Tom?" I wish he would have looked at his wife of 70 years and managed one last "I love you" to her.

I consoled mom when they called me. She said she was at peace with it. She stroked him and felt his last beats of his heart and his last breath. She said she was happy it went the way it did also.

Incredible story, very sorry for your loss..

 

[dadofthree]

Sorry for your loss Tom. Sounds like he had an incredible exit.

 

[Poppy]

My dad just died last week at 93. He had a nice meal with his wife of 70 years and my sister and brother-in-law. Had 2 glasses of wine and one spiked eggnog. Played with the dogs. Played cards with his 30 year old granddaughter. He was talkative and had a great time. Cracking jokes and asking for 2 deserts.

They live 400 feet away from my sister in a cabin. It was cold and snowy so my mom drove them down to the main house. My dad for years was known to be able fall asleep instantly when he got into a car. My mom and he left the main house arm in arm. Dad got into the car. Mom walked around to get in and drive back that 400 feet. Dad was already asleep. She made the short drive. Parked at the entrance to the cabin and said OK Honey we're home let's get out. He didn't move. Dad...wake up!! He woke up. Mom said he just stared for a second. Dad open the door and I will help you out. He stared again. Dad Open the door so I can help you out. He found the handle and opened the door. Mom honestly thought he was just a little drunk from the party.

She helped him stand up, he stared sort of blankly. Honey we need to walk. He said. Where is Tom? And gently fell to his knees and then to the ground. Mom honestly thought he just went to sleep. He was in fact dying. Mom thought he was sleeping so she called my sister to help her get him up. My sister came over and said Mom he is not sleeping. Call 911. Ambulance showed up in 3 minutes. They confirmed he was dead.

He had a great last night, it was sudden and he didn't appear to have any discomfort and he simply went to sleep beside his wife.

I wanna go just like that when its my time. Or suddenly doing something I enjoy.

The only thing that gets to me about it is his last words were "Where is Tom?" I wish he would have looked at his wife of 70 years and managed one last "I love you" to her.

I consoled mom when they called me. She said she was at peace with it. She stroked him and felt his last beats of his heart and his last breath. She said she was happy it went the way it did also.

Now that is a great last day alive!!

 

[mr8ball]

I to have spent some time in a nursing home lately. My Mother in law and my wife's aunt have both been in and out of them over the past year or so. It is very sad how they treat people in those things and I for one do not want to go into one. I hate to see anyone or anything suffer. I wish when we felt it was our time to go we could just give our self a shot or take a pill and just go to sleep and go to heaven and be with God. I am in no hurry to die but am prepared if I do. One thing I know for sure I don't want to live so long that I have to have someone take care of me or be a burden on anyone. I would like to go in my sleep and pain free.

 

[BoostCreep]

Racing at night in a Ford GT40 when the brakes fail and I go into a shut down area only to find they just eliminated that area and put up concrete barriers there that I hit going 190mph.

 

[TallTom]

I to have spent some time in a nursing home lately. My Mother in law and my wife's aunt have both been in and out of them over the past year or so. It is very sad how they treat people in those things and I for one do not want to go into one. I hate to see anyone or anything suffer. I wish when we felt it was our time to go we could just give our self a shot or take a pill and just go to sleep and go to heaven and be with God. I am in no hurry to die but am prepared if I do. One thing I know for sure I don't want to live so long that I have to have someone take care of me or be a burden on anyone. I would like to go in my sleep and pain free.

To add a little to the story above. In 2003, my parents established a living trust and in that process the attorney said pick one of your children to direct all of your affairs and give that chosen child complete and unstoppable control over your affairs. Do so realizing that they will at some point make decisions you may not like but have to be made.

My parents asked my siblings if they had any problem making me that one. Neither my brother or sister objected. My father sat me down at that time and said "Son I only ask 3 things of you". 1. Never put either of us in a nursing home. I don't care what you have to do but that is my highest priority. 2. Don't do anything to extend our lives by artificial means. 3.Take care of your mother if I go first. You spend every dime I have saved if you need to but these are what I ask of you. Whatever is left over I ask that you divide as you see fit with your brother and sister. This was all put in writing and made legal.

In 2009 I built the cabin they live in now. Cost 125K of their estate and 7 months of my time to do so. Most of the labor was done by me. Washington is crazy expensive. 125K is way cheaper than any nursing home was ever going to be. In so doing I told my sister, take care of them til they die and this cabin is yours. I deeded that cabin to them when it was completed. My sister and her parents lived a country apart from each other. My sister had not spent more than 50 hours with her mother or father over the past 25 years. My sister was thrilled to be with her parents for however many years they had left. When I moved them to that cabin, my father looked at the old growth trees all around him, the setting the cabin was in, the closeness to his daughter, and said, son, you have just given me heaven on earth.

My mom and my sister have both thanked me no less than 10 times in the last 8 days since dad passed. It was worth every dollar and every moment of sweat it took to build that cabin. Dad thanked me probably 100 times in the 3 years since they got there. I was the last thing he asked for as he died. I struggled with that for a day or so. But I believe now he was trying to say THANK YOU one last time. He passed in a place he loved surrounded by people he loved.

You're welcome POP. RIP.

 

[shawnski]

first of all sorry for your loss..i am getting older and i have been thinking a lot about the same situation.
i have lost a sister to lung cancer and few friends and relative to cancer and i am hoping and praying that that would not be the way i go.
i hope i die of natural causes like die in my sleep. i don't think i will be able to handle the long and painful process of any type of cancers,the radiation and chemotherapy...

 

[mr8ball]

To add a little to the story above. In 2003, my parents established a living trust and in that process the attorney said pick one of your children to direct all of your affairs and give that chosen child complete and unstoppable control over your affairs. Do so realizing that they will at some point make decisions you may not like but have to be made.

My parents asked my siblings if they had any problem making me that one. Neither my brother or sister objected. My father sat me down at that time and said "Son I only ask 3 things of you". 1. Never put either of us in a nursing home. I don't care what you have to do but that is my highest priority. 2. Don't do anything to extend our lives by artificial means. 3.Take care of your mother if I go first. You spend every dime I have saved if you need to but these are what I ask of you. Whatever is left over I ask that you divide as you see fit with your brother and sister. This was all put in writing and made legal.

In 2009 I built the cabin they live in now. Cost 125K of their estate and 7 months of my time to do so. Most of the labor was done by me. Washington is crazy expensive. 125K is way cheaper than any nursing home was ever going to be. In so doing I told my sister, take care of them til they die and this cabin is yours. I deeded that cabin to them when it was completed. My sister and her parents lived a country apart from each other. My sister had not spent more than 50 hours with her mother or father over the past 25 years. My sister was thrilled to be with her parents for however many years they had left. When I moved them to that cabin, my father looked at the old growth trees all around him, the setting the cabin was in, the closeness to his daughter, and said, son, you have just given me heaven on earth.

My mom and my sister have both thanked me no less than 10 times in the last 8 days since dad passed. It was worth every dollar and every moment of sweat it took to build that cabin. Dad thanked me probably 100 times in the 3 years since they got there. I was the last thing he asked for as he died. I struggled with that for a day or so. But I believe now he was trying to say THANK YOU one last time. He passed in a place he loved surrounded by people he loved.

You're welcome POP. RIP.

You are one GREAT son Sir and I say THANK YOU for him. I am sure his last thoughts were what great job you have done for them both. I can only hope my son would be willing to do something like that for me someday. Thanks for sharing your story.

 

[Fastfrog007]

In all honesty, on my bike.

I dont really have anywhere else I enjoy being, I dont wanna spend months in a hospital or retirement home counting down my days. I'd rather just go out for a ride and not make it home.

 

[masterblaster]

In a sudden sheer terror doing something I want to be doing.

 

[EarlyBird]

My dad just died last week at 93. He had a nice meal with his wife of 70 years and my sister and brother-in-law. Had 2 glasses of wine and one spiked eggnog. Played with the dogs. Played cards with his 30 year old granddaughter. He was talkative and had a great time. Cracking jokes and asking for 2 deserts.

They live 400 feet away from my sister in a cabin. It was cold and snowy so my mom drove them down to the main house. My dad for years was known to be able fall asleep instantly when he got into a car. My mom and he left the main house arm in arm. Dad got into the car. Mom walked around to get in and drive back that 400 feet. Dad was already asleep. She made the short drive. Parked at the entrance to the cabin and said OK Honey we're home let's get out. He didn't move. Dad...wake up!! He woke up. Mom said he just stared for a second. Dad open the door and I will help you out. He stared again. Dad Open the door so I can help you out. He found the handle and opened the door. Mom honestly thought he was just a little drunk from the party.

She helped him stand up, he stared sort of blankly. Honey we need to walk. He said. Where is Tom? And gently fell to his knees and then to the ground. Mom honestly thought he just went to sleep. He was in fact dying. Mom thought he was sleeping so she called my sister to help her get him up. My sister came over and said Mom he is not sleeping. Call 911. Ambulance showed up in 3 minutes. They confirmed he was dead.

He had a great last night, it was sudden and he didn't appear to have any discomfort and he simply went to sleep beside his wife.

I wanna go just like that when its my time. Or suddenly doing something I enjoy.

The only thing that gets to me about it is his last words were "Where is Tom?" I wish he would have looked at his wife of 70 years and managed one last "I love you" to her.

I consoled mom when they called me. She said she was at peace with it. She stroked him and felt his last beats of his heart and his last breath. She said she was happy it went the way it did also.

Sorry for your loss, but that is an awesome way to go! To enjoy being with friends and loved ones and to have a relative easy passing! I would be very blessed to have that as my way of passing!

I have been around people passing away all my life, be it fast and be it slow. My best friend died at 37 years old, and I was the last person to talk to him on the phone before he was found dead the next day on the sofa. I watched a close family friend die with in a year from cancer. I seen my great grand mother live to 114 years old while spending 20 years in a nursing home (Imho it was just a long draw out way to die). I had a man die in front of me having a heart attack, he ended up wrecking into the cars in the turn lane I was when this happened. Thank goodness no one one was hurt. I almost lost my dad (2001) and my sister (1994). Death comes in many forms. But, I have to agree to live the rest of your remaining years in a nursing home is definitely not the way I would like to go. My grandmother died a year ago, and like others here wanted to be at home til it was time to pass. After hearing how much she hated the thought of it, Willie I understand how you feel and I am sorry that your Aunt is going though this!