How to get off a speeding ticket

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A woman driver is pulled over by a policeman:

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: May I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it for driving drunk four times.
Officer: I see...May I see your vehicle registration papers please?
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up.
Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.
A police sergeant slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Sergeant: Ma'am, would you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Sergeant: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Sergeant: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please?

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Sergeant: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is quite stunned.

Sergeant: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the second officer.
The sergeant snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license.
He looks quite puzzled.

Sergeant: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: I'll bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.


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With my luck the first officer would have just shot me on the spot.
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