If you've had a bad week

[7th Gear]

Little Vito was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"The teacher replied, "Now, VITO, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."Little Vito, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger ti#s, you'd be a TEN!"

 

[GSXRFANN]

 

[7th Gear]

Another

Little Vito was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said to him,
"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." Little Vito replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Vito answered, "No. He minded his own f#cking business

 

[chrisbusa]

 

[VaBusa]

That second one!!! Great!!!

 

[kod3001]

 

[gunslingerjr]

funny!!!

 

[justintime2]

 

[Devil Dog]

I like the second one.... Nice.

 

[onerabidshark]

 

[NCBusa2001]

Good one.

Not to highjack your thread, but...

Why to West Virginians love Halloween?












Only day of the year you can "PUMP-KIN"


Chris

 

[AlbanianEagle]

Here is a few more you will love these.

South Brooklyn Tony on LOGIC

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on South Brooklyn Tony.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then South Brooklyn Tony says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which South Brooklyn Tony replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."

 

[AlbanianEagle]

Here is another one



South Brooklyn Tony ON MATH
South Brooklyn Tony returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father?
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,' I said '6,"" replies TONY.
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the f**king difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"

 

[AlbanianEagle]

Another one


South Brooklyn Tony ON ENGLISH
South Brooklyn Tony goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
TONY says "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, South Brooklyn Tony, that's a mouthful."
Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a b**wjob."

 

[AlbanianEagle]

And another


South Brooklyn Tony ON GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on South Brooklyn Tony.
"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f**king beautiful!'"

 

[05BUSABLU]

a single mother of 3 boys was getting ready to make breakfast, when se asked the oldest what he wanted he himmed and hawed. mom started to get very impatient. he final said.. ill take some fawking pancacks" mom open hands the boy and knocks him off the chair...she then asks the second oldest what he would like for breakfast.....he thinks and thinks, and says ill have some daum pancackes. well he got the same as his older brother..she turns to the youngest boy and smiles what do you want for breakfast sweety.....he looks at her and says well i sure as fawk dont want pancackes now do i

 

[ICEMANN]

.......

 

[BigBSBusa]

 

[HayaGreg]

Thanks, I needed that.

 

[adrenaline junkey]