New Revolutionary Diet...

[Revlis]

With male obesity now rampant in the USA, I feel it is my patriotic duty to offer the Swift Exercise Diet (SEX Diet.) to the American public. It has been known for many years that sex was good exercise, but until now nobody has offered a scientific study of the caloric content of different sexual activities. So, now after 50 years of "original and proprietary" research I am proud to present the results.



REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent.................................12 Calories
Without her consent............................<span style='color:orangered'>2187</span> Calories



OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands.................................8 Calories
With one hand...................................12 Calories
With your teeth.................................<span style='color:orangered'>485</span> Calories



PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection..................................6 Calories
Without an erection............................<span style='color:orangered'>3315</span> Calories



POSITIONS:
Missionary.........................................12 Calories
69 lying down...................................78 Calories
69 standing up..................................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow....................................216 Calories
Doggy Style......................................326 Calories
Italian chandelier.............................<span style='color:orangered'>2912</span> Calories



ORGASMS:
Real........................................112 Calories
Fake............................................<span style='color:orangered'>1315</span> Calories



POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging...........................18 Calories
Getting up immediately.........................36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately.......816 Calories



GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years....................................36 Calories
30-39 years....................................80 Calories
40-49 years....................................124 Calories
50-59 years....................................1972 Calories
60-69 years....................................<span style='color:orangered'>7916</span>Calories
70 and over....................................Results are still pending



DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly...................................................32 Calories
In a hurry.....................................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door...........<span style='color:orange'>5218</span> Calories
With your wife knocking at the door............<span style='color:orangered'>13,521</span>
Calories



Results may vary.



..................................................

Might be old I dunno...

 

[Lazerblade]

This thread should get some results. LOL

 

[VaBusa]

That's just too funny!

Oh, and you seem a bit bored Rev...raining again today? Or water spouts in your area perhaps?!

 

[Revlis]

Lazer...Bro, We talked about this once I think, You have got to quit posting pictures of your fantasy men like this... It's unhealthy...

 

[Mikey D]

Sex w/ Richard Simmons = instant death

 

[Lazerblade]

Your right Rev, but I could not resist.

 

[Iced]

so the best bang for your buck would be doing the following?

Wait till i'm 60-69
Put on a condom while i'm not erect
Chase the maid around and tackle her, lock the door. Take off her clothes with my teeth/dentures, give her a bodyslam and get her in the Italian Chandelier and fake an orgasm. Call the wife and tell her i'm in the room with the maid to get her to knock......... alright.. so not quite the best ending .... someone else come up with something.

 

[Revlis]

Then you catch Fire Iced... Too many calories in too little time... Suddenly *POOMP* Toasted Canook.

Hey I've been wondering WTF is Canook? Is it offensive or just slang, like Yankee? Not offensive until it's some Cheese Eatin Surrender Monkey Using it?


Yeah VAbusa... More Crappy weather. Oh yeah it's OK until it's time to get off work them Rain. It's Cool though I kinda like the rain. It's soothing. It's the Humidity and the temps I can do without...

 

[PACIFICBUSA]

Italian Chandelier?

 

[WWJD]

Pac, if you have to ask you're not in our secret club!! BAAHAHAHHAHAHAA

um, yeah, that


er... I had to look it up too



<!--EDIT|WWJD
Reason for Edit: None given...|1093489551 -->

 

[PACIFICBUSA]

WTF? Rofl

So is that what they call that one? Oh...I always thought that was the "high and tight".

Guess I must be wrong...

 

[Iced]

hahahahahhaha...  italian chandelier.. thats too funny... thanks wwjd    lmao wtf is right?
This position is also know as the "Three Eyed Dog Moose Position"...

rev, nah, nothing offensive to me....

I think u mean canuck

unless u meant to say canuck with an accent

 Check here for def



<!--EDIT|Iced
Reason for Edit: None given...|1093494774 -->

 

[phatjoe]

What about rodeo style?

 

[Big O]

Reverse Cowgirl.