Police Comments

[1127 TO 1299]

The following 15 Police Comments were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

#15. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14. "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11. "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift
supervisor?"

#9. "Warning? You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not: Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey DOO."

#6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5. "No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#4. "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#2. "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

And.................... THE BEST ONE !!!!!!!

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.

 

[omslaw]

 

[adrenaline junkey]

 

[jwcfbd]

"If that hits my car you're both going to jail"

That is what you hear when the officer pulls up behind you just after you light off that illegal bottle rocket. It missed and we had to give up the rest of our stuff without getting in the back set of the car.

 

[04busaVA]

 

[onerabidshark]

 

[diesel]

The following 15 Police Comments were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

#15. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14. "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11. "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift
supervisor?"

#9. "Warning? You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not: Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey DOO."

#6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5. "No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#4. "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#2. "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

And.................... THE BEST ONE !!!!!!!

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.

My favorite is the video where this old man is speeding his wife to the E.R. having a heart attack and this #### pulls him over lecturing him on speeding for 10 minutes instead of calling an ambulance while the guy's wife died.

My job deals with the public alot and my company would not tolerate me being rude or derrogatory with anyone no matter how pissed off they make me.

 

[BigBSBusa]

 

[theemrrdkill]

 

[qarnaj]

 

[StageRulz]

I think I heard one of those before?

 

[yamahor]

Thats GREAT

 

[Con5179]

 

[Rycardo]

 

[PDBusa]

Hey wait a minute, am I supposed to find humor in my job?

 

[bigdr]

 

[ICEMANN]

Naw,  My favorite was the asian dude who had the entire maroon van shaking from side to side and tore up the ticket.  That big asss tpr made him pick it up and then told him.  You missed a piece over there......

The next best is watching the guy try to run and get hit by the dayum taser and flop out like cattle hittin da deck.

had an asian driver call me a plik before too.  Gimmie my dayum ticket you plik.  Couldnt stop laughin.

Had an attorney ask me this once.   Why were you concerned about your safety with my client.  Well sir it had much to do with the fact that he had a gun in his waste band and was telling me he was going to fuggin kill me while I was looking at the gun in his waste band.

attorney.  Now he didnt kill you did he?  

Me. Well sir. not unless you have some other heavenly answer to explain how it is I find my self in this witness box today councelr....


The best one for me was after being on the stand in the witness chair for 9 1/2 hours was having a 70 year old federal judge climb into the witness box with me because I repeated something from the in car video.  The defense attorney paused the tape and asked me.  What did you say there im not sure I heard it correctly.  I said..

I told your client he was stopped for improper driving and that IMO it was not much better than execrable.   Defense attornay.  Whats that mean.  Err, um pretty much piss poor.  The typist fell out of the chair laughin, the attorney was leaning the podium and it fell over.  The judge climed into the box to hand me my asss for using unprofessional language in his court.  Funny thing was he was asleep when it happened.

Used to get the reverse racisim you stopped me because im.... all the time tooo.  Standard answer especially if they had window tint.  No sir, stopped you because your feet are too small for your body pleaze step out.

<!--EDIT|ICEMANN
Reason for Edit: None given...|1127447180 -->

 

[ICEMANN]

Here are a few more Ive seen/heard

Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?

Were you alone or by yourself?

Here's an everydayer..

Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.

Now ya have to look at the shyt we use everyday.
cant figure out half of it without shaking my head.

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real
lemons?

My 12 year old gets a kick out of reading dumb ass labels or asking me questions that cause that look!

For a perfect pitcher of lipton "ICED" tea add 8 cups of boiling water.

Fresh broccalli, keep frozen.

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

 

[frisbee]

Those are good !! I like the one Icemann said about the guy that tears his ticket up ! That cop was cool and calm!

 

[AlbanianEagle]