RaiderDm
Registered
<span style='font-family:comic sans ms'>Puns - Sorry, All Puns Intended
>
>1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
>stewardess looks at them and says: "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion
>allowed per passenger.
>
>2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
>became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
>never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
>lesser of two weevils.
>
>3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in
>the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
>heat it, too.
>
>4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
>the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
>
>5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during the root
>canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
>
>6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
>the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour,
>the manager came out of his office and asked them to disperse. But why?
>they asked, as they moved off. Because, he said, I can't stand chess nuts
>boasting in an open foyer.
>
>7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
>family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain;
>they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
>birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
>wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, They're twins!
>If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.
>
>8. These friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened up a
>small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
>the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition
>was unfair. He asked the good brothers to close down, but they would not. He
>went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
>florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to
>persuade them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
>saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so,
>thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
>
>9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
>produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
>which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
>breath. This made him . what? (Oh, man this is so bad, it's good) A super
>callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
>
>10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
>friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
>Sadly, No pun in ten did.</span>
>
>1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
>stewardess looks at them and says: "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion
>allowed per passenger.
>
>2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
>became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
>never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
>lesser of two weevils.
>
>3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in
>the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
>heat it, too.
>
>4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
>the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
>
>5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during the root
>canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
>
>6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
>the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour,
>the manager came out of his office and asked them to disperse. But why?
>they asked, as they moved off. Because, he said, I can't stand chess nuts
>boasting in an open foyer.
>
>7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
>family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain;
>they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
>birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
>wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, They're twins!
>If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.
>
>8. These friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened up a
>small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
>the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition
>was unfair. He asked the good brothers to close down, but they would not. He
>went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
>florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to
>persuade them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
>saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so,
>thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
>
>9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
>produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
>which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
>breath. This made him . what? (Oh, man this is so bad, it's good) A super
>callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
>
>10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
>friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
>Sadly, No pun in ten did.</span>
