notman
Never Forgotten
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about roach poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to bleach the top of every drink can I think about putting my lips on because of the rat poopies.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the
1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feathers or beaks.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a funky water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes and if I don't - I will have bad luck forever and ever and then I'm going straight to hell.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone with me to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face ... disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually either serial killers/rapists or Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. Even then I can't flush because they're either rats or mutant alligators in the pipes.
Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up that $5.00 bill I find in the parking lot because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies because my money will go straight to terrorists!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a pigeon with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the mutant fleas from 12 camels will infest your back causing you to grow a hairy hump. Lice from 50 monkeys will infest your armpits and other private areas, causing such itching you will not be allowed to be in mixed company because can't keep your hands off your privates. And of course, roaches will enter you ears and lay their eggs and then burrow into your brain when you finally are able to go to sleep. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...
Have a wonderful day....
A South American scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late
Also, now I have to bleach the top of every drink can I think about putting my lips on because of the rat poopies.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the
1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feathers or beaks.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a funky water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes and if I don't - I will have bad luck forever and ever and then I'm going straight to hell.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone with me to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face ... disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually either serial killers/rapists or Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. Even then I can't flush because they're either rats or mutant alligators in the pipes.
Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up that $5.00 bill I find in the parking lot because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies because my money will go straight to terrorists!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a pigeon with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the mutant fleas from 12 camels will infest your back causing you to grow a hairy hump. Lice from 50 monkeys will infest your armpits and other private areas, causing such itching you will not be allowed to be in mixed company because can't keep your hands off your privates. And of course, roaches will enter you ears and lay their eggs and then burrow into your brain when you finally are able to go to sleep. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...
Have a wonderful day....
A South American scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late
