(SLA1500 @ Jan. 31 2007,19:16) Simple, one word...... "JATO" Please read on;
Now ladies and gentleman, the winner of this year's Darwin Award:
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in
the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The
wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The
type of car was unidentifiable at the scene.
Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket
scientist... had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off,
actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport
planes an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields. He had driven
his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of
road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed
and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967
Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from
the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at
that location.
The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5
seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and
continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver, and
soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog
fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become
irrelevant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained
on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the
driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and
leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for
an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet
leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.
Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments
of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and
bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of
the steering wheel.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of
approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not on the ground.