Harley rider pre-ride check off list

[ericridebike]

Found on Best-of Craigslist.


Harley rider pre-ride check off list

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Date: 2009-09-01, 9:06AM PDT

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Harley rider pre-ride check off list:
1. Comb baseball player goatee and mustache
2. Spend 6- hours polishing gaudy chrome pieces. Be sure people can read the �Live to ride�ride to live� statement on gas tank lid.
3. Assure suspension can handle at least 560 pounds of rider
4. Pack cell phone and have tow service numbers programmed.
5. Look in mirror and perfect the �I�m a bad ass mother****er� harley riding scowl.
6. Affix tassels from daughters bicycle to handle bars for added gay appearance.
7. Test flashers for when bike breaks down (99% probability)
8. Put on your wrist brace to help carpal tunnel from all of the unnecessary revving
9. Leather pants
10. Gloves
11. Wrap around sunglasses
12. Skull cap (German soldier type for the real badasses). Remember to think about the SAFETY aspect/argument of loud pipes as putting that potato chip on head. The real tough guys here will wear a bandana over their face (some with a skull) to look really scary----ooooh!
13. CAT work boots (new)
14. Leather vest with some �chapter� like: North chapter of pig ****ing obese attention ***** douche bags with fat ugly loud mouth wives.
15. HD t-shirt (of course). Because everyone needs to know what shop you paid $40 for a $5 hanes shirt at.
16. Remove baffles from pipes so EVERYONE can hear you going 18mph in 2nd gear at redline. Note: Most HD break down before hitting 2nd gear.
17. Starbucks gift card: This is usually your hangout--------------how tough.
18. Call friends with similar ridiculous motorcycle (WW2 outdated technology garbage) and pathetic store bought image (gay pirate from the Castro) attire. Have them ATTEMPT to meet you at the starbucks without breaking down or crashing due to being distracted from looking at themselves in their chrome.
19. Five packs of Marlboro reds to smoke while riding to look extra cool
20. Slam a 6 pack of Zima prior to ride.
21. Saddle bags attached to pick up and store broken parts that fall off bike as you ride/push (if you can call it riding without laughing) that hunk of **** down the road.

 

[Blazing-Saddle]

 

[GA_boi]

 

[elTito]

If my dad had any idea how to use email, I'd send this to him. Speaking of which, you forgot...

22. Make sure you have your have your official Baby Boomer Generation membership card.

The first time I borrowed his new Harley he says to me, "Be really careful it's a lot faster than my old one".....

 

[goblinsix]

Too funny and very true...I used to ride a HD and rode with those guys. I got laughed at for wearing a full-face helm and Vanson jacket. I'll leave it at that.

But, remember that Sportbike riders aren't without flaw.

1) Put as many racing related stickers on the bike fairing as possible.
2) Advertize Yoshimura all over your jacket, pants, fairing, and windscreen. You are their official spokes-person:-)
3) Rev the bike as hard as possible at red lights to impress the motorists behind you.
4) T-Shirts and shorts always look really cool on that liter bike.
5) Have your 90 pound blonde girlfriend with 44DD hooters ride 1-up with you in a pink spandex tank top and shorts....very impressive...she'll enjoy the skin grafts.
6) Talk about all the track days you've done as people check out the chicken strips on your tires !!!
7) Add racing frame sliders and fork protectors after you accidentally drop your bike on your garage floor:-)
8) When riding the twisties, slow down to a crawl in the turns and then blast by everyone with brute force doing 160 MPH in the straights....rinse & repeat. See #6 above.

 

[NickSully]

 

[DEMMYM]

 

[KFORCE1]

 

[Joker]

 

[KFORCE1]

 

[trekfuel]

we all have check lists.

 

[Schism]

funny and very true!

 

[Mr Bogus]

Too funny and very true...I used to ride a HD and rode with those guys. I got laughed at for wearing a full-face helm and Vanson jacket. I'll leave it at that.

But, remember that Sportbike riders aren't without flaw.

1) Put as many racing related stickers on the bike fairing as possible.
2) Advertize Yoshimura all over your jacket, pants, fairing, and windscreen. You are their official spokes-person:-)
3) Rev the bike as hard as possible at red lights to impress the motorists behind you.
4) T-Shirts and shorts always look really cool on that liter bike.
5) Have your 90 pound blonde girlfriend with 44DD hooters ride 1-up with you in a pink spandex tank top and shorts....very impressive...she'll enjoy the skin grafts.
6) Talk about all the track days you've done as people check out the chicken strips on your tires !!!
7) Add racing frame sliders and fork protectors after you accidentally drop your bike on your garage floor:-)
8) When riding the twisties, slow down to a crawl in the turns and then blast by everyone with brute force doing 160 MPH in the straights....rinse & repeat. See #6 above.

another fine list

I guess putting Kanji's on every single part of your bike might fall in here.. (*so you can tell which bike they came off of in crash?)

 

[neoBusa]

 

[micbusathens]

23) Teach the word "friendship" to those two cylinders to make them....."give up the fight"....explain them also meanings like "make love not war"....."...so happy together...."

 

[dadofthree]

 

[WESeib]

7) Add racing frame sliders and fork protectors after you accidentally drop your bike on your garage floor

*hangs head in shame*

Frame Sliders are on my to do list for just that reason.
It only took one $3,600 incedent from a dead stop to figure that out.

 

[Acehole]

Pretty funny. U will be at spring bash right? Can't wait to meet u. I'll be the oldman in the biker vest. Can't miss me. Looking forward to going over that list with you!

 

[Lurch]

Starbucks????
We don't do Starbucks. It is all about the bar and where we can get our next beer and how soon.
I will also look for you at the Bash. I will be the midget with the Harley jacket on riding a Busa.

 

[fillmore nyc]

But, remember that Sportbike riders aren't without flaw.

1) Put as many racing related stickers on the bike fairing as possible.
2) Advertize Yoshimura all over your jacket, pants, fairing, and windscreen. You are their official spokes-person:-)
3) Rev the bike as hard as possible at red lights to impress the motorists behind you.
4) T-Shirts and shorts always look really cool on that liter bike.
5) Have your 90 pound blonde girlfriend with 44DD hooters ride 1-up with you in a pink spandex tank top and shorts....very impressive...she'll enjoy the skin grafts.
6) Talk about all the track days you've done as people check out the chicken strips on your tires !!!
7) Add racing frame sliders and fork protectors after you accidentally drop your bike on your garage floor:-)
8) When riding the twisties, slow down to a crawl in the turns and then blast by everyone with brute force doing 160 MPH in the straights....rinse & repeat. See #6 above.

Only cause you left the door open for it... The Harley Equivalents to the above:

1)Put as many beer related stickers on the cereal bowl helmet as possible.
2) Advertize Harley all over everything you own, including your S.O.. You are their official middle aged, overweight, never been NEAR a gym, bad-azz.???
3) Rev the bike as hard as possible at red lights to impress the motorists behind you. (Dont need to comment... this is a HD ritual, which if not obeyed will get you ousted from the "club".)
4) Oil soaked T-Shirts with holes in it and beer bellies always look really cool. Why should the bike be the only overweight, greasy thing on the ride?
5) Have your 290 pound blonde girlfriend with 44DD hooters ride 1-up with you in a leather tank top and chaps....very impressive...she'll enjoy the boob grabs.
6) Talk about all the "mayhem" you've done as people check out the whitewalls on your bias ply tires !!!
7) Add even MORE chrome and replace your levers after you slip in the dripped oil and knock your bike over on your garage floor:-)
8) When riding ANYWHERE, slow down to a crawl in the turns (cause ya GOTTA) and then blast by everyone with brute noise doing 40 MPH in the straights... (cause thats all ya got)... rinse & repeat, and tell EVERYONE what an animal your bike is.



Im just sayin'...