This is really for anyone I am just to my limit when dealing with this anymore and need some advice. My fiance of almost two years is driving me crazy. We fight all the time. She lives in a world full of double standards and refuses to acknowledge it. She complains about everything, you name it and she probably has complained about it. To make matters worse we have a six month old daughter. I can't just break up with her, because I will never see my daughter. I am getting depolyed to Iraq next fiscal year sometime for up to a possible 24 monthes. I am tyring to hold on till then but it just doesn't seem like I can do it anymore. I am so tired of everything being my fault and being blamed for everything that goes wrong. It doesn't matter what I do she will find something wrong to complain about. Its now getting to the point that I find myself not caring about if she is upset or mad at me anymore. I am not sure what to do or how to fix this......
in need of advice
- Thread starter Nsauble
- Start date
Tell her how much you really lover her, but that things are not working for you and you want to seek couples counselling to get everything back on track for THE BOTH OF YOU. If she thinks everything is peachy [due to double standard world] she SHOULD HAVE no problem with couples counselling. If she kicks and screams, then she knows there is an issue, possibly HER issue and it will be hard to get her to deal with it. Using YOU as the patsy makes it easier. Pick any nearby big church as they usually have totally free counselling with defined expectations rather than the $100 an hour "How does that make you feel" non intrusive types. If you want results, YOU gotta make it happen.
My feelings is the two year mark is where you have finally gotten to know someone completely.
But don't lsiten to strangers on the internet, for the best advice, sit down and have a heart to heart with your closest family and best friends. They know the situation best.
Hope things work out
My feelings is the two year mark is where you have finally gotten to know someone completely.
But don't lsiten to strangers on the internet, for the best advice, sit down and have a heart to heart with your closest family and best friends. They know the situation best.
Hope things work out
fsusux
Banned
Time to start playing 'He who cares least'
If you think about, all she's doing is pushing your buttons. And she's doing it because after 2 years she has figured out which buttons work on you.
Once she sees that her actions are no longer having the desired effect she'll stop.
Of course she'll start doing something else to annoy you but just don't let it get to you.
If you think about, all she's doing is pushing your buttons. And she's doing it because after 2 years she has figured out which buttons work on you.
Once she sees that her actions are no longer having the desired effect she'll stop.
Of course she'll start doing something else to annoy you but just don't let it get to you.
Thats a tough one bro. I was in the same type of relationship for 12 years. I tried to make it work, tried to get her to go to counseling with me, she had double standards, didnt work, always complained, and was never happy. Our relationship dwindeled to nothing, we would go for two weeks and never speak or touch each other. I hated it, finally had enough and got a divorce. Almost 4 years later, she still blames me for ruining her life. She has to work now and does not have my income to support her. We had two beautiful boys, and yes it was hard, but I had to do it. My point is this, do what ever you can to make things better, like WWJD said, go to counseling. However, you can not do it on your own, she has to help to make things better. If you just cant make it work, would it really be better in the long run to stay with her. I feel for you regarding your daughter. Be there for her as much as you can, insist on being involved in her life and be the best father possible. I wish you the best.
If you stay, you're going to be keeping your kid in a poisonous environment. People like to stay together because of the kids, but it's not necessarily always the best thing for the child.
Legally, the mother cannot keep you from seeing your child. As the father, you have the right to access to your child.
See an attorney.
--Wag--
Legally, the mother cannot keep you from seeing your child. As the father, you have the right to access to your child.
See an attorney.
--Wag--
Projekt
Registered
Next time she starts abit**in just smack her with your pimp hand!!!! The shock ought to shut her up. If she doesn't shut up.... Smack her again!!!
Just playing though. It does sound tempting though doesn't it? Just a bit?
Try doing it like FSUSUX said to and don't let her get you wound up. When she does start the nonsense just crack open a cold beer and grab a seat out back. If she ever gets abusive and physical don't be afraid to call the cops and start a paper trail on her crazy ass.
If you really feel that it's worth it try counseling. If not, jump ship now and you won't have to deal with alimony. Just child support.
Just playing though. It does sound tempting though doesn't it? Just a bit?
Try doing it like FSUSUX said to and don't let her get you wound up. When she does start the nonsense just crack open a cold beer and grab a seat out back. If she ever gets abusive and physical don't be afraid to call the cops and start a paper trail on her crazy ass.
If you really feel that it's worth it try counseling. If not, jump ship now and you won't have to deal with alimony. Just child support.
How old are you and your spouse and how long have you been in the service? If she just recently started bitching, the excitement of her new life from being away from home for her first time has probably worn off. Military life is rough on newly weds, especially when a young women has been uprooted and placed outside of her element. She probably experienceing a bad case of cultural shock combined with post partum.
Hang n there bro cuz I hate to say it but more than likely it will get worse when you get deployed. I've seen it more than I can count. You may want to consider sending your wife and child back to her home town for financial,mental support and helping with the baby.
Hang in there!
Hang n there bro cuz I hate to say it but more than likely it will get worse when you get deployed. I've seen it more than I can count. You may want to consider sending your wife and child back to her home town for financial,mental support and helping with the baby.
Hang in there!
CrashTestDanny
Registered
+100
I went thru the same thing
found out later that she wanted out, but wanted me to be the bad guy.
you both might want out.
seek counceling first. exhaust everything before you call it quits. that way you can walk away with a clear conscious
deploy'n will mask the issues. it'll be all good for a couple of weeks and then return to normal.
also something I've learned from counseling.
Negative attention is still attention.
found out later that she wanted out, but wanted me to be the bad guy.
you both might want out.
seek counceling first. exhaust everything before you call it quits. that way you can walk away with a clear conscious
deploy'n will mask the issues. it'll be all good for a couple of weeks and then return to normal.
also something I've learned from counseling.
Negative attention is still attention.
Tell her to freakin grow up and act like the mother she is. children and family come before petty greivances. If you are unhappy, leave. Men have balls and make decisions. Hard decisions need to be made just the same as easy ones. Make them and live with them.
as a side note... and I'm just throwing this out there... in my observations, and experiences, unruly women become so because they can. because there is no strong man around to guide and support them into the right way to be and behave.... and usually feel well kept. this is a societal thing where men became sensative and crap. well truth is we can be understanding, sensative and loving and STILL be a strong man in that role. and women dig that. but women that freak out and start wearing the pants getting bossy, pissy, emotional and such are getting overloaded with too much to bear, role wise. too much stress.
there is some sarcastic truth in projetk's first line... not to that obvious extreme, but guys I've consoled that grabbed thier pants back were utterly SHOCKED at the response. The woman LOVED it and it corrected the relationship. I've done it a few times myself and that's just another reason why I know society teaches us wrong. Dr. Spock can bite me. Just don't be a D!ck or an @$$, be respectful and firm and "admirable" and see what happens. You got nothing to loose.
Men are a certain way, and women are a certain way.... we are different and fit perfectly together. that's how it is and aint never gonna change.
there is some sarcastic truth in projetk's first line... not to that obvious extreme, but guys I've consoled that grabbed thier pants back were utterly SHOCKED at the response. The woman LOVED it and it corrected the relationship. I've done it a few times myself and that's just another reason why I know society teaches us wrong. Dr. Spock can bite me. Just don't be a D!ck or an @$$, be respectful and firm and "admirable" and see what happens. You got nothing to loose.
Men are a certain way, and women are a certain way.... we are different and fit perfectly together. that's how it is and aint never gonna change.
It sounds like she has postpartum depression. Seek help. Talking with a church counselor may help but a psychiatrist may be the best idea.
Smart man did the same thing recently myself.Your kids will not like it at first but will see that you and her spend more time together after the split and are not mad all the time..You know what I love my ex wife like i use to love her before all the bull so it works,sometimes marriage(common law too) works better when it's over and I can
ps. now I got a great women on my side out the deal too.
Look ... I don't know you nor do I know her, I'm simply about to state a possibility. Please don't take offense to this.
She might be cheating on you brah. She picks fights with you to help her "justify" what she's doing. By her being upset with you, it helps her feel less guilty when she's with him. Also if these fights are becoming more frequent (I'm not saying they are) it could be because she's impatient. In other words, she wants you to hurry up and ship out so that she could spend more time with him. You say you have a 6 month old by her. She might be pissed because you have now given her extra baggage and have made it harder for her to leave. I'm not saying she hates your child. I'm saying just like you want to walk out on her but put the child first, she might be doing the same thing.
I'm saying that because your post reminded me of a situation I was in a while back. My girl was cheating on me and one of her many petty fights with me was because my tank was below the 1/4 mark. She was b*tching about how we might run out of gas and blah, blah, blah. Anyways, I found out what was going on and dumped her. I laugh at it now because I remember leaving her with a *Edited. After re-reading my post I decided this was to much info and not up to par for the nature of this board* simply out of spite. Come to find out, the dude was married. His wife found out and told him to make a choice. He chose his wife. Now alone, she tried to come back to me and I dawged the living heII out of her!
Again, please don't think I'm downtalking your mate. All I'm saying is (and this should apply for everyday life) one should always hope for the best but prepare for the worst.
NC
She might be cheating on you brah. She picks fights with you to help her "justify" what she's doing. By her being upset with you, it helps her feel less guilty when she's with him. Also if these fights are becoming more frequent (I'm not saying they are) it could be because she's impatient. In other words, she wants you to hurry up and ship out so that she could spend more time with him. You say you have a 6 month old by her. She might be pissed because you have now given her extra baggage and have made it harder for her to leave. I'm not saying she hates your child. I'm saying just like you want to walk out on her but put the child first, she might be doing the same thing.
I'm saying that because your post reminded me of a situation I was in a while back. My girl was cheating on me and one of her many petty fights with me was because my tank was below the 1/4 mark. She was b*tching about how we might run out of gas and blah, blah, blah. Anyways, I found out what was going on and dumped her. I laugh at it now because I remember leaving her with a *Edited. After re-reading my post I decided this was to much info and not up to par for the nature of this board* simply out of spite. Come to find out, the dude was married. His wife found out and told him to make a choice. He chose his wife. Now alone, she tried to come back to me and I dawged the living heII out of her!
Again, please don't think I'm downtalking your mate. All I'm saying is (and this should apply for everyday life) one should always hope for the best but prepare for the worst.
NC
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