Can some of my brothers in Indiana or close proximity to djsin maybe spare a couple hours this weekend. I would appreciate it 
Is this normal?
- Thread starter djsin
- Start date
There are documented cases of the dad getting symptoms of post partum depression (no I'm not a Dr. but I've read about it). Usually the men get a break (work) but it sounds like you are doing alot of mommy duty, which means you don't get a break, don't sleep, and it's NOT in your DNA. On top of it, the sheer enormity of being a first time FATHER is pretty dang scary, and you are worried about providing for your family. PERFECTLY UNDERSTANDABLE. I know I was overwhelmed for awhile when my daughter was born, but at least I had work - I'd feel EXACTLY as you do if in your shoes: I expect scared shaitless....
Let me, if I may, give you two tokens of advice:
1. The moment your child was born, it changes EVERYTHING, because from now on your life belongs to someone other than yourself. It is the greatest responsibility (and at the same time, the greatest gift) you will have for your entire life. Not trying to worry you further, but once you accept that, you can move past it.
2. The sun WILL come up tomorrow, or the next day, or the next; you have to believe it will. Go get some exercise (helps with depression); you've already got a great support network of friends who care about you - us.
Giving up is NOT an option. Hang in there!
Let me, if I may, give you two tokens of advice:
1. The moment your child was born, it changes EVERYTHING, because from now on your life belongs to someone other than yourself. It is the greatest responsibility (and at the same time, the greatest gift) you will have for your entire life. Not trying to worry you further, but once you accept that, you can move past it.
2. The sun WILL come up tomorrow, or the next day, or the next; you have to believe it will. Go get some exercise (helps with depression); you've already got a great support network of friends who care about you - us.
Giving up is NOT an option. Hang in there!
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I think everyone has or will go through bad patches in their lives. I've had some periods of my life that have seemed insurmountable but things always seem to improve. I'm going to pass on some advice that was given to me.
First - when your feeling - sad, down, depressed, overwhelmed take stock of and understand the blessings and positive things in your life. You have your health, a wife, a child. You have food, a roof, a motorcycle, a computer with internet access etc.. Millions upon millions of people would change places with you in a New York minute despite how you feel now.
Second - Take stock of all the negatives in your life. Now try to take negatives and turn them into positives. Being out of work sucks but it also provides oportunities. Examples: you've had an opportunity to spend time with that baby - enjoy it, relish it because it goes by so very fast. Where do you want to be (career) 5, 10, 20 years from now. What can you do now to get there. Take this opportunity avail yourself of education or apprenticeships/internships even if there low paying or no pay to to gain experience for a job you want not one that you'll be forced to take. Being unemployed may allow you to explore opportunities to start your own business. Look for a job in areas that have better long term employment opportunities. Moving for a job may provide a better oportunity and it's not like you have any job keeping you in the area. You get the point.
Third - Keep a scehdule - wake at the sametime/eat healthy at regular times, stay sober, exercise - take a walk, worship (church) if you are inclined .
Forth - reach out, to family, friends, clergy, professionals - if possible, job network and get job conseling (provided free alot of places).
Fifth - Know that your feelings are normal but understand that you must work hard to get relief. If you do nothing things probably won't get better.
Sixth - take it one step at a time but always be moving forward.
I assume your relatively young - first kid and all... You have a lifetime of joy ahead of you with that baby and it is up to you find a way forward from here. Take this time to make a short and long term plan and work hard to make it happen. Stay positive and know you are not alone, it seems at the very least you have alot of folks here who care.
Good luck and keep us in the loop.
B
First - when your feeling - sad, down, depressed, overwhelmed take stock of and understand the blessings and positive things in your life. You have your health, a wife, a child. You have food, a roof, a motorcycle, a computer with internet access etc.. Millions upon millions of people would change places with you in a New York minute despite how you feel now.
Second - Take stock of all the negatives in your life. Now try to take negatives and turn them into positives. Being out of work sucks but it also provides oportunities. Examples: you've had an opportunity to spend time with that baby - enjoy it, relish it because it goes by so very fast. Where do you want to be (career) 5, 10, 20 years from now. What can you do now to get there. Take this opportunity avail yourself of education or apprenticeships/internships even if there low paying or no pay to to gain experience for a job you want not one that you'll be forced to take. Being unemployed may allow you to explore opportunities to start your own business. Look for a job in areas that have better long term employment opportunities. Moving for a job may provide a better oportunity and it's not like you have any job keeping you in the area. You get the point.
Third - Keep a scehdule - wake at the sametime/eat healthy at regular times, stay sober, exercise - take a walk, worship (church) if you are inclined .
Forth - reach out, to family, friends, clergy, professionals - if possible, job network and get job conseling (provided free alot of places).
Fifth - Know that your feelings are normal but understand that you must work hard to get relief. If you do nothing things probably won't get better.
Sixth - take it one step at a time but always be moving forward.
I assume your relatively young - first kid and all... You have a lifetime of joy ahead of you with that baby and it is up to you find a way forward from here. Take this time to make a short and long term plan and work hard to make it happen. Stay positive and know you are not alone, it seems at the very least you have alot of folks here who care.
Good luck and keep us in the loop.
B
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ok so as most of you know my wife and I had our first child on sep 17th...she is very healthy and I already love her more then anything in the world, I have been cooking, cleaning, taking care of my wife and my child, I haven't been losing much sleep, but since I have been out of work for so long and everything..I find myself very depressed...before when i would get this way I would go ride...Im not even in the mood to do that...I know the family here is very supportive, so if anyone has an idea, i can use any help i can get...i think once i find work i will feel better but its already been 9 months..I have a few friend i used to be able to count on, but they seem to disappear when u really need them...I'm at a point in my life where the crisis are pilling up faster then i can deal with them
lease:
I am not an expert on this but I have had some experience.
No. 1 - You just had a very moving moment of your life, Remember this and hold it precious in your memories. Continue to watch your child grow and learn, the first nine months are incredible to see the changes and growth of a child's mind and motor skills.
No. 2 - Do not dwell on the things that you think are piling up! These are just background things that you can deal with, and you will in time. The things that you ARE doing are very important - LET ME STATE THIS VERY CLEAR - The fact that you are doing the CLEANING AND THE DISHES AND THE COOKING are all very important parts of a family. I too took over the duties that many men think are just a woman's work. I have had Three Daughters and all have been a blessing and hard work at the same time.
No. 3 - And certainly not the final chapter but enough from me - Think about all the things that have led you to this day and do not regret them but rather be thankful for what you have now. I often know that if EVEN ONE FOOTSTEP had been different, I might not have had what I have now. I do not have a mansion on a hill, but I love every little thing I have.
One last thought - You are a responsible person, I can tell, part of the depression is that you want to provide for your family and are without a job, the things that used to provide peace (as in riding) would take you away from your new family, so therefore you no longer find that a stress reliever.
This is not the best that you need to hear, and I apologize if I have not at least changed your view slightly.
I can tell you this, as a father of 3 girls, and a Grandfather of one boy.
It takes a real man to raise a girl.
Love and honor her daily
Take care Bro
Bubba
Hang in there my friend. Any interest in going back to school and improving your skills? Recessions, and the inevitable increase in unemployment, can be a great opportunity to prepare for a brighter future for yourself and your family.
This may or may not be an option for you, but taking some time to reflect on where you want to be in five or ten years might help you realize the present is not an accurate depiction of what your, and your family's, future will be.
As was written before, focus your attention on what you have the ability to control, not on what is outside your control. If you can't work, think about spending a few hours volunteering for a local charity. That can help you regain some sense of value, help put your challenges in perspective, and perhaps help you network your way into a new job.
Remember, worry borrowed from the future does not diminish it's supply. Enjoy the time with your family.
Best wishes. This too shall pass, and you'll be better for having risen to the challenge.
This may or may not be an option for you, but taking some time to reflect on where you want to be in five or ten years might help you realize the present is not an accurate depiction of what your, and your family's, future will be.
As was written before, focus your attention on what you have the ability to control, not on what is outside your control. If you can't work, think about spending a few hours volunteering for a local charity. That can help you regain some sense of value, help put your challenges in perspective, and perhaps help you network your way into a new job.
Remember, worry borrowed from the future does not diminish it's supply. Enjoy the time with your family.
Best wishes. This too shall pass, and you'll be better for having risen to the challenge.
ape_man_escaped
Registered
PM sent Todd
Todd I can't say that I know exactly what you are going through, but after my son was born I went through a HELLACIOUS bout of post partum depression; to the point of post partum psychosis. It was miserable. If you can reach out for help from a medical professional in the behavioral health field, do so. Anti depressants and mood elevators saved my life!! These days there is no more stigma having to take something like Prozac to help get you through a depression. Shoot me a PM if you would like to talk more in depth. I work for a Behavioral Health Organization.
How about share some positive stuff, I would like to see a picture or two of your beautiful baby! I just had my first Aug 1. Look at your beautiful family, you created and be proud of. You can make it through this stage/phase and on to bigger brighter things.
HT_USMC
Registered
I'm sorry but I have to respectfully disagree.
You should let your wife know how you feel. Telling her will take some of the depression and stress off of your shoulders instantly, even if she initially has a meltdown. In addition, she's probably feeling the same things you are and sharing your feelings will be a bonding experience instead of remaining silent and allowing it to drive a wedge between the two of you.
It's good that you're crying. Being in touch with your emotions is healthy! Don't feel less masculine because you cry. It's a great trait for you, a new father, to have. I'd say you're a better/stronger man for it and you're definitely a better father. Now, I'm not saying go crying to your wife all the time but letting her know you've shed some tears in private isn't a bad thing at all.
I will agree that you should keep your head up and remain optimistic. Focus on the good things (you're wife, the baby, the family unit, the house, etc) and be productive. Go work on something in the house that needs to be fixed or build a step stool for the munchkin so that when she's big enough to brush her own teeth she has one. Just do something to remain occupied.
Prayers heading your way so be ready for good juju in the near future.
joebur
Registered
Can some of my brothers in Indiana or close proximity to djsin maybe spare a couple hours this weekend. I would appreciate it
Got it taken care of i live close just got done going for a ride with him and talking with dj for a couple hours. Going to take him away for a little while over the weekend. Maybe get him to get the bike out for a little while.
Thanks joe!
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