Need advice from the extended family

HT_USMC

HT_USMC

Registered
I've been having a few relationship problems with the woman who I've been dating for 3 years (we've lived together for most of that time).

Last night is a great example of where I find myself asking - WTF?!

4:30pm (Yesterday)
I am at work. I get a call from her stating she's gone home sick and she is wanting to know when I'll be leaving. She was sick all weekend and I played nursemaid for her this weekend, so this wasn't a huge shock. I state that I'm in the middle of something but I could be done in five minutes or it might take me three hours. I explain to her that if it's not done when I leave I'll have to get on the computer at home that night to finish it up. Regardless, I told her that if I wasn't done with it by 6pm, I would leave at that time and head home.

6pm (It takes me 45 minutes to drive home on a good day)
I leave and call her as I get into the Jeep. I let her know that I'm heading home. She tells me she wants soup but not anything chicken nor anything canned but that her stomach is not an issue, she's just running a fever. I decide I've got the perfect soup idea and explain it to her and she agrees.

6:15-ish pm
She calls and says that the recipe I explained doesn't sound good now. Maybe something else. So we talk for a bit and I come up with yet another soup idea. Again she agrees.

6:25-ish pm
She calls and says nevermind. Her stomach is now upset. I need to just stop and get food for myself.

6:37-ish pm
She calls and says she's hungry but not sure about eating and that maybe I should make something for her after all.

6:40-ish pm
I stop by the barber, which is in the same shopping center as the grocery store, to get a hair cut. I've been going there for five years and they get me in and out in about 15 minutes. I figure while I think about what I'm going to make, instead of wandering a store, I'll sit there and think about it while I get the hair cut.

7:30 pm
I arrive at the house. Fresh haircut. Fresh groceries. Enough food to make some comfort food and/or soup as a backup.

7:45 pm
The comfort food is done and we're eating. I know my little angel can't go too long without eating or she gets seriously grumpy. So I made her some eggs with ham and cheese, and biscuits on the side.

8 pm
We're done eating and she requests that I go lay down in bed with her so she can find comfort in using me as a body pillow.

8:15 pm
We're in bed, she's laying on my chest and I'm watching a movie.

8:45 pm
She's snoring loud enough I have to turn up the volume on the flick.

10:30 pm
Movies finished. I turn the volume back down to a reasonable level and push play again - to give her some ambient noise. She's already adjusted and is off of me completely. So, I use this time to get up and finish up my work that I abandoned at 6pm.

11:15 pm
Work's done but I'm wide awake. Partially due to the work and partially due to going to bed with her the night before at 9pm (I normally hit the rack at 11:30 or so) and again laying there for two hours tonight. I decide I'll play a game on the computer. First I need a bowl of Blueberry mini-wheat's... because they rock!

11:30pm
She wakes up, heads down the hall, looks at the monitor, sees the game, and storms off without a word. She goes to the bathroom, gets a drink in the kitchen and heads back to bed.

She then throws a pillow down the hallway.

Now, not to lend credit to ANYTHING she's thinking, I keep doing what I'm doing for another 15 to 30 minutes.

12:00-ish am
I go in there and attempt to reason with her. There is none to be found, obviously.


This morning
Today she's ticked off and saying that I've picked the computer over her. That I ignored her last night. There is still no reasoning with her.

--------------------



I don't feel like I did much, if anything at all, wrong. This is one day out of many that play out much this way. I'm not angel and I "get it wrong" from time to time too. However, I am the peacemaker and I can also admit my faults. I'm stumped and ready to end the relationship. This happens far too often and I don't like having to deal with the drama or the maintenance issues.

Thanks for listening and any feedback you may have!
 
No offense but she sounds like a high maintenance drama queen. Why are you letting her make you her biatch? Kick her to the curb
 
HT_USMC said:
I've been having a few relationship problems with the woman who I've been dating for 3 years (we've lived together for most of that time).

Last night is a great example of where I find myself asking - WTF?!

4:30pm (Yesterday)
I am at work. I get a call from her stating she's gone home sick and she is wanting to know when I'll be leaving. She was sick all weekend and I played nursemaid for her this weekend, so this wasn't a huge shock. I state that I'm in the middle of something but I could be done in five minutes or it might take me three hours. I explain to her that if it's not done when I leave I'll have to get on the computer at home that night to finish it up. Regardless, I told her that if I wasn't done with it by 6pm, I would leave at that time and head home.

6pm (It takes me 45 minutes to drive home on a good day)
I leave and call her as I get into the Jeep. I let her know that I'm heading home. She tells me she wants soup but not anything chicken nor anything canned but that her stomach is not an issue, she's just running a fever. I decide I've got the perfect soup idea and explain it to her and she agrees.

6:15-ish pm
She calls and says that the recipe I explained doesn't sound good now. Maybe something else. So we talk for a bit and I come up with yet another soup idea. Again she agrees.

6:25-ish pm
She calls and says nevermind. Her stomach is now upset. I need to just stop and get food for myself.

6:37-ish pm
She calls and says she's hungry but not sure about eating and that maybe I should make something for her after all.

6:40-ish pm
I stop by the barber, which is in the same shopping center as the grocery store, to get a hair cut. I've been going there for five years and they get me in and out in about 15 minutes. I figure while I think about what I'm going to make, instead of wandering a store, I'll sit there and think about it while I get the hair cut.

7:30 pm
I arrive at the house. Fresh haircut. Fresh groceries. Enough food to make some comfort food and/or soup as a backup.

7:45 pm
The comfort food is done and we're eating. I know my little angel can't go too long without eating or she gets seriously grumpy. So I made her some eggs with ham and cheese, and biscuits on the side.

8 pm
We're done eating and she requests that I go lay down in bed with her so she can find comfort in using me as a body pillow.

8:15 pm
We're in bed, she's laying on my chest and I'm watching a movie.

8:45 pm
She's snoring loud enough I have to turn up the volume on the flick.

10:30 pm
Movies finished. I turn the volume back down to a reasonable level and push play again - to give her some ambient noise. She's already adjusted and is off of me completely. So, I use this time to get up and finish up my work that I abandoned at 6pm.

11:15 pm
Work's done but I'm wide awake. Partially due to the work and partially due to going to bed with her the night before at 9pm (I normally hit the rack at 11:30 or so) and again laying there for two hours tonight. I decide I'll play a game on the computer. First I need a bowl of Blueberry mini-wheat's... because they rock!

11:30pm
She wakes up, heads down the hall, looks at the monitor, sees the game, and storms off without a word. She goes to the bathroom, gets a drink in the kitchen and heads back to bed.

She then throws a pillow down the hallway.

Now, not to lend credit to ANYTHING she's thinking, I keep doing what I'm doing for another 15 to 30 minutes.

12:00-ish am
I go in there and attempt to reason with her. There is none to be found, obviously.


This morning
Today she's ticked off and saying that I've picked the computer over her. That I ignored her last night. There is still no reasoning with her.

--------------------



I don't feel like I did much, if anything at all, wrong. This is one day out of many that play out much this way. I'm not angel and I "get it wrong" from time to time too. However, I am the peacemaker and I can also admit my faults. I'm stumped and ready to end the relationship. This happens far too often and I don't like having to deal with the drama or the maintenance issues.

Thanks for listening and any feedback you may have!
Click to expand...

OK...send her a link to this thread. If you can't discuss this with her, or let her read it. Why have you spent three YEARS of your life with her ?
 
It's time to drop back 10, and punt. You are done here. You know this. You already know what you have to do.... difficult as it can be.

Look at the glass-half-full perspective.... no children involved, and since you were wise enough to live with her first, now you don't have to get lawyers involved, either.

Hopefully, motogp08 isn't on to something here.... if this behavior is relatively new, and you have never seen it before in your three years together.... you just might have other concerns to deal with, 'bro..... ???

Good luck.... keep us appraised....
 
Either that or it's her period too; I swear to god sometimes my wife loses her freakin mind during that time! :fire:
 
+1 on the bun in the oven or maybe your woman is a bi-polar psycho chic from hell, either way you're phucked...





.

sucks_to_be_you.jpg
 
I want to open my mouth, but fear I must tread lightly because I am prone to verbal diahrea quite often!

I do want to start off by saying that it is very easy to make rash assumptions about a relationship when you only hear one side of the story. PLEASE DO NOT feel that I am saying this negatively, because she sounds like a very high maintenance drama princess.
I will say that I was sick all weekend, off work Thursday afternoon and all day Friday. When I am sick, I am down right clingy, needy, and NOTHING will make me happy. Sick or not if your throw monthly hormones in the mix for one week out of the month I will admittedly tell you that I am a stark raving LUNATIC! It gets so bad that I can not stand to be around myself. I get irrational and will scream at my poor hubby for nothing, I literally lose my ever loving mind!
Now with that said, you have invested three years with this person. You can gauge whether it is just a hormonal thing or sick clingy thing. If this is an all the time occurence then you have some tough questions to ask. Ending a relationship is never easy if you have cared for that person, but if it has been toxic you will eventually get over then not easy part and find a happiness that you thought was lost somewhere along your way.
Best of luck! It will work out for you one way or another. No one deserves to be anyone's doormat.
 
I would say neither of you are right and neither of you are wrong.

She sounds like someone who needs more attention than you are willing to give.

best to separate and let her find someone who is willing to give her the attention she craves and you can find someone who wont be demanding of you and make you feel like you are being smothered.

As mentioned above, not married, no kids, if this is how she is most of the time and this is how you are most of the time might be a good time to split.

If this ISNT how she is most of the time then you might want to show some compassion and try and figure out what is going on. Maybe she is pregnant. Maybe she has some stuff going on in her mind she hasn’t shared with you yet.

Most women I think hit the “when are we getting married” mark sometime after 2 years. They start getting somewhat uptight and their girl friends start giving them a hard time as to when are they going to get married, the mother usually starts hounding them when are they going to get married.

Personaly, when my wife is sick I TRY to comfort her and wait on her hand and foot. she usually wont let me. but I figure she takes care of me and the three boys great the least I can do is try to make her feel better when she is sick.
 
Well there isn't a bun in the oven to my knowledge. She's been like this since shortly after taking her to Negril, Jamaica six months into it all. She was a great travel companion! Which I think I've been holding onto in hopes she would return someday (soon - lol).

Her friends call her high maintenance to her face. I seriously cringe when they do it because that only makes my life worse for 24-48 hours following that interaction.

Why do I stick around? I've been acting and reacting with my heart. Somewhere along the way, I grew to love her. When she's sweet, she's sweet like honey! Recently, though, my brain has been wanting to play in the game as well... hence the post. I also believed, though she would say she would never change, that she would eventually do just that and change. Oh, how I've been wrong!

MR2B - You're right. There are two sides to the story. I completely agree! I think I'm just starting to understand that she only ever cares to see her side without ever talking about her side AND hearing mine. Last night was a bit more dramatic than most although fairly typical unfortunately. The original post is factual concerning what took place last night - though I think anyone can agree there isdefinitely more going on there, somewhere.


Thanks gang! You've all confirmed what I've been feeling/fearing recently. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't over-reacting. It's time to tell her she's a friend (if that's possible) but definitely no more than that.
 
thrasherfox said:
I would say neither of you are right and neither of you are wrong.

She sounds like someone who needs more attention than you are willing to give.

best to separate and let her find someone who is willing to give her the attention she craves and you can find someone who wont be demanding of you and make you feel like you are being smothered.

As mentioned above, not married, no kids, if this is how she is most of the time and this is how you are most of the time might be a good time to split.

If this ISNT how she is most of the time then you might want to show some compassion and try and figure out what is going on. Maybe she is pregnant. Maybe she has some stuff going on in her mind she hasn’t shared with you yet.

Most women I think hit the “when are we getting marriedâ€￾ mark sometime after 2 years. They start getting somewhat uptight and their girl friends start giving them a hard time as to when are they going to get married, the mother usually starts hounding them when are they going to get married.

Personaly, when my wife is sick I TRY to comfort her and wait on her hand and foot. she usually wont let me. but I figure she takes care of me and the three boys great the least I can do is try to make her feel better when she is sick.
Click to expand...


Yep. The problem is she started the "let's get married kick" about 9 months in. A little too soon for me at the time. Her attitude changes at around the 6 month mark, so we were also 3 months into bad attitude, high maintenance, and clingy/semi-controlling. Now(within the last 3 to 6 months), we're to the point that if and when marriage comes up, I almost laugh. There's just no way now. Which is when this self-check started up for me. Now, it's just pointless to stay if she's not willing to change, I can't get it "right" enough for her, and neither of us feel like we're going anywhere.

Just as a note. I waited on her hand and foot all weekend. To the point that she complimented me Sunday afternoon and thanked me. Sadly, no more than two hours later, while we were discussing some chores that she wanted me to do followed by some running around I was supposed to do for her. I was spent and tired, as I had been going nonstop for her pretty much all weekend, and I took a deep breath and let it out. I was standing about 20 feet away from her and behind her... and of course she heard it and thought I was ticked versus just catching my breath. She promptly said, "I take it back, you treat me like crap" followed by some back and forth between us while I tried to figure out what I had just done. I didn't even realize I had "sighed", as she put it.
 
You are too good to her!!! :thumbsup:
You didn't do anything wrong. Some people are just more miserable than others when they get sick. My best friend is very similar to your girlfriend when she gets sick and her husband, God bless him, he waits on her hand and foot. And it still is not good enough. But once she feels better she says she always feels like a heel for treating her husband so badly when all he was doing was trying to make her feel better. So, ride it out and hopefully she will apologize and all will be good. If she does it again, I say let her fix her own, d@#n soup!!! She's not dieing!!! :rulez:
 
HT_USMC said:
Yep. The problem is she started the "let's get married kick" about 9 months in. A little too soon for me at the time. Her attitude changes at around the 6 month mark, so we were also 3 months into bad attitude, high maintenance, and clingy/semi-controlling. Now(within the last 3 to 6 months), we're to the point that if and when marriage comes up, I almost laugh. There's just no way now. Which is when this self-check started up for me. Now, it's just pointless to stay if she's not willing to change, I can't get it "right" enough for her, and neither of us feel like we're going anywhere.

Just as a note. I waited on her hand and foot all weekend. To the point that she complimented me Sunday afternoon and thanked me. Sadly, no more than two hours later, while we were discussing some chores that she wanted me to do followed by some running around I was supposed to do for her. I was spent and tired, as I had been going nonstop for her pretty much all weekend, and I took a deep breath and let it out. I was standing about 20 feet away from her and behind her... and of course she heard it and thought I was ticked versus just catching my breath. She promptly said, "I take it back, you treat me like crap" followed by some back and forth between us while I tried to figure out what I had just done. I didn't even realize I had "sighed", as she put it.
Click to expand...

Well now that we are getting some more info...DUDE move on...it's not going to get any better if this has been going on for 2 1/2 years :banghead:
 
The way u described it she a little unreasonable, How many hours a week you spend gaming on PC an surfing? Working don't count but she won't the difference between working on PC an gaming on it. If you spending more than 5 hrs a week gaming an surfing this may have been the cup raneth over day :laugh: since she was feeling bad an lost her favorite pillow YOU :laugh:
 
motogp08 said:
I hate to go here, but mood-swings, food cravings/going away, etc...(pregnancy)? :eh:???
Click to expand...

That thought was the first to come to mind.....sorry.

Being a woman....with mood swings....(Grumpy will atest to that :lol:), it does sound as though she is a bit high maintenance. Is she like that all the time or just when she's sick? Think about it long and hard.....3 yrs is alot of time to just throw away.
 
HT_USMC said:
She promptly said, "I take it back, you treat me like crap" followed by some back and forth between us while I tried to figure out what I had just done.
Click to expand...
???

Yowser.... this new info is quite revealing.

IMO...... game over for you, brother. There may indeed be a wonderful woman for you somewhere out there, but from your description, it is not this one.

Time to unload, and start fresh with no burdens...... good luck! :beerchug:
 
Warchild said:
???

Yowser.... this new info is quite revealing.

IMO...... game over for you, brother. There may indeed be a wonderful woman for you somewhere out there, but from your description, it is not this one.

Time to unload, and start fresh with no burdens...... good luck! :beerchug:
Click to expand...
+10. sorry to say it Bro. Life is to short (IMO) to deal with this drama. Live,Laugh,Love.
 
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