Re: OIL CHANGE !@#% Funny
You ladies will love this one.
Oil Change instructions for Women:
> >
> >1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last
> >Oil change.
> >2) Drink a cup of coffee
> >3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
> >Vehicle.
> >
> >Money spent:
> >Oil Change: $20.00
> >Coffee: $1.00
> >Total: $21.00
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Oil Change instructions for Men :
> >
> >1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil,
> >Filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for
> >$50.00.
> >2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive h ome
> >3) Open a beer and drink it.
> >4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
> >5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
> >6) In frustrati O n, open another beer and drink it.
> >7) Place drain pan under engine.
> >8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
> >9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
> >10) Unscrew drain plug.
> >11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
> >Cuss..
> >12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw
> >Kitty litter on spilled oil.
> >13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
> >14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
> >15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter
> >And twist off
> >16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
> >Everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash
> >Can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
> >17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
> >Gasket surface.
> >18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
> >19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
> >20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> >2 1) Drink beer.
> >22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty
> >Litter on oil spill.
> >23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
> >24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag
> >Used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain
> >Plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles
> >And frame.
> >25) Begin cussing fit.
> >26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
> >27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
> >28) Beer.
> >29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
> >30) Beer.
> >31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
> >32) Beer.
> >33) Lower car from jack stands.
> >34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
> >Any missed steps.
> >35) Beer.
> >36) Test drive car.
> >37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
> >38) Car gets impounded.
> >39) Call loving wife, make bail.
> >40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
> >
> >Money spent:
> >Parts: $50.00
> >DUI: $2500.00
> >Impound fee: $75.00
> >Bail: $1500.00
> >Beer: $20.00
> >Total: $4,145.00
> >But you know the job was done right!
