There'll be one every day, keep checkin.
- Thread starter sirUKbusa
- Start date
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly. make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim." If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely. On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?" "You're going to die," she replied.
A blonde needed to earn some much needed cash, so decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighbourhood. She went up to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs she could do. "Well," said the owner, "you can paint my porch. How much would you charge?" The blonde replied, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50 "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
A blonde women goes in to a bike shop, walks straight over to the shop assistant as says "If you guess my weight, you can have me in every sexual position you want." The assistant horrified by the size of this woman, quickly says "35 Stone, you Fat C***!" The woman laughs and replies "that near enough!!"
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An Amish girl and her mother were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The girl asked, "Mother, what is this?" The mother, never having seen an elevator, responded, "I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is." While the girl and her mother watched with amazement, an old man in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the man rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the girl and her mother watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until the last number was reached, and they watched some more as the numbers began to light in reverse order. The walls opened up again and a hunky young man stepped out. The mother, not taking her eyes off the young man, said quietly to her daughter, "Go get your father."
