why am doing this?

[ogre]

so i spoke to my wife today. I'm desperately trying to save our marriage, which has been a bit rough of late. thanks US Army. we had some issues before i joined, and there have been other issues since, but there's really nothing i can do about any of them until i get home. anyway, talked to her today, and she says that she's so unhappy, she resents me for joining the army (she didn't want me to). i joined so i could provide for my family and be able to afford a couple toys as well. barely squeaking by paycheck to paycheck is not a satisfying life. so i join the army, now she's so lonely and bitter and angry, she says she's beginning to hate me. can't see any honor or value in what i'm doing, and doesn't want to pcs (move) to my next duty station with me. part of the reason i joined was to take care of my family, and do something to make them proud. what. the. fk. and now i go home on leave in 3 days, i don't even know if i want to. i'm starting to question whether or not it's even worth the effort. i love her dearly, and miss her constantly, but Jesus, this can't be how marriage is supposed to be.

 

[wiz_of-wuz]

Here goes....... I will tell you what I did......

Cut her loose!!! Military life isnt easy period. Today it is this and tomorrow it will be that and blah blah blah her crap will f*&^%$ go on forever. Life is too short and there are to many other women that are willing to except the challenge and know how to support their partner. Unfortunately based on your story she doesnt want to do that. When my wife pulled the exact same sh!t as soon as I got off the ship i went to an attorney and filed for divorce. Best thing I ever did as my current wife rocks and always has! Good luck bud and remember life is to short........


BTW thanks for taken care of business while I sleep..........

 

[BigBadDodge]

Gonna have to go with wiz on this one, agree 100% Just got out of a relationship of 6 years and after a week was looking back going wtf? If she cant appreciate you doing what your doing to keep your family well i'd introduce her to the curb. Seems like her mind is somewhat already made up.

 

[JJsBusaRox]

I agree with the others. I just recently retired after doing 20 years of military service. It is definitely not easy. Some spouses are mentally and emotionally strong to endure the separation and some aren't. If your wife can't comprehend that you joined to better provide for you family, then I don't think she will ever get it. But because you love her, sit her down and make her understand that you are doing it for your family. And if she still doesn't get it, then let her go.

 

[GsxrBots]

Sorry you have to go through this man... :down:

 

[lil charlie]

Sorry bud. Sit her down when you get home on leave and let her make some choices.

Sent from my DROIDX using Tapatalk

 

[BlueHaya]

You said you had problems before the Army....why are you blaming it now? You are doing the right thing. I have to go with above posters on this as well. Sorry bro......

Thank you for your service...I appreciate it.

 

[skydivr]

I warned you about this up front; don't blame the Army as it's not the Army's fault...not ONE bit.

Separation on a young marriage is painful and difficult. I know why you did it, and your intentions are honorable, but put yourself in her shoes as you are never there; marriages are hard enough when two people are together. Some women are not meant to be camp followers, and she has ZERO support structure or anyone to relate to at home. You have two options:

1. Call her bluff, if she wants out, wish her well and let her go and go find someone else. Once a woman decides she doesn't want to be with you, it shatters the marriage bond and even if you quit today, she's still crossed that rubicon, and if its not the Army, it will be something else. She must have missed that "for better or for worse" part. At least there are no children involved which would change the equation drastically.

2. Tell her you won't reenlist and get out at the end of your enlistment. You signed a contract with the Army, and the Army expects you to honor it. Just recognize that your leaving may not have the positive effect that you both hope for; you will now have to find a real job, and you may not get along any better. Maybe she should come with you and then she'd be with you and have the support structure the Army provides, along with other older and wiser Army wives who could help her with this.

Regardless, you had better go home and face it. Not going means you quit, and you can write off your marriage for sure. You PCS to FTCKY, correct? Where is she living right now?

 

[Blanca BusaLess]

Go home and make mad love for three days to the woman you married Matthew.
Remind her of the vows you both took.

'FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE'

You've both been apart and it's tearing at her. You need to resolidify your bond with her.

 

[Tufbusa]

50% of all marriages fail and most of the remaining 50% will! Welcome to the real world.

Met a couple yesterday who had been married for 66 years. Almost as rare as buying a lottery ticket!

Sorry about your position in life but skydivr gave you golden advise!

 

[lovelessjl]

Sorry to hear about this, I was sitting on COB Adder Not long ago in a very similar situation, and I know how bad it sucks. But skydivr is spot on...once she has that resentment it's a lost cause. Go home on leave, and remind her that you're the man she loved and married, and tell her she needs to figure out what she wants...in or out. But IMHO, if she can't get behind you and support you while you protect our country, then its probably time to cut your losses.

 

[StrtRac3r]

I agree with the others for the most part. I don't know how old she is but immaturity plays a big part in relationships.
Calling the bluff and explaining how you feel about it is the only way to go. The blame game only puts people in
defensive mode so avoid that and duck and weave if she starts that and the truth shall come out.

It sucks, but it's a part of everyone's life. And thank you for your service.

 

[mjrfd99]

Got kids? If not GTF out.
They never forget and work themselves into a crazy state hating on ya.
And down the road is mentalpause. A total nightmare!!!!!

PS Hide sharp objects and weapons. My ex was insane.

 

[chrisjp]

good luck ogre.....ive never been in this situation asking my wife to do it without me...and honestly i know she wouldnt last...too dependent....

 

[Strife]

Go home and put it all out there on the table. It most likely won't end the way you want, BUT.... it will end one way or another. Once that is done you(and her) can move on and begin the healing process. Just keep in mind. "Life isn't over until life is over". It can be possible that in the future you can meet back up and rekindle. As of right now you are only hurting each other and yet you both want the same thing. Happiness with each other. STOP putting both of you through it. Neither of you are deserving of it.

It won't be easy,but it will get easier.

 

[Warchild]

Got kids? If not GTF out.

^^^ This.

 

[BlondeOnaBusa]

Some pretty good advise here. I can't add anything more than what's already been said so I'll wish you both the best no matter the outcome.

 

[nabusa]

I did six years in the Navy. It was hard on my marriage. Mine didn't last, I was divorced shortly after I got out. Very little military marriages last. Out of my six years I can count on one hand how many people I know personally lasted married while in the military. The problem with marriage nowadays is people jump the gun way to soon. People get into a relationship within a month of knowing someone. Move in with them within 3 months of knowing them. Then married within the year and they expect to live happy ever after? You don't really get to know your significant other until at least 3 years into the relationship.

Your wife sounds selfish. She doens't care about the military from what it sounds like and she doesn't want to compromise. But look at it from her point of view. She is alone, does she have friends and family were you guys are at now? So many factors come into play to make a marriage work. Biggest part for a successful marriage is communication and compromise. If I were you I would cut my losses and get divorced. Military is hard on marriages as it is and if you had issues before you joined the Army then chances are your marriage is not going to make it.

 

[cheferman65]

I warned you about this up front; don't blame the Army as it's not the Army's fault...not ONE bit.

Separation on a young marriage is painful and difficult. I know why you did it, and your intentions are honorable, but put yourself in her shoes as you are never there; marriages are hard enough when two people are together. Some women are not meant to be camp followers, and she has ZERO support structure or anyone to relate to at home. You have two options:

1. Call her bluff, if she wants out, wish her well and let her go and go find someone else. Once a woman decides she doesn't want to be with you, it shatters the marriage bond and even if you quit today, she's still crossed that rubicon, and if its not the Army, it will be something else. She must have missed that "for better or for worse" part. At least there are no children involved which would change the equation drastically.

2. Tell her you won't reenlist and get out at the end of your enlistment. You signed a contract with the Army, and the Army expects you to honor it. Just recognize that your leaving may not have the positive effect that you both hope for; you will now have to find a real job, and you may not get along any better. Maybe she should come with you and then she'd be with you and have the support structure the Army provides, along with other older and wiser Army wives who could help her with this.

Regardless, you had better go home and face it. Not going means you quit, and you can write off your marriage for sure. You PCS to FTCKY, correct? Where is she living right now?

Words of wisdom! I, being married 3 times concur. I love the Rubicon analogy. For those of you not in the know, The Rubicon is a river in NE Italy and was a pivotal point in 49BC for Julius Caesar and his army. He stated you are either with me or you are not and I will know who is after we cross the river. The idiom "crossing the Rubicon" means to pass a point of no return. Excellent SKYDIVR! It's also the name of one of Francis Coppola's vineyards in Napa. OGRE, do what's best for you and your family. Are there children involved? If not, cut her loose and move on. I heard, bitter, angry, hate and resentful. See ya...

 

[Strife]

Just wanted to add to my comments above,but didn't want to just edit.

You are getting advice over the internet. WE can only go by what you allow us to know. Advice here is great,BUT.... What do the ones who are close to both of you say? They probably able to give the best sound advice. She have a best friend who you can talk to? Chances are she knows what is really going through her head. If you talk to her friend you need to have an attitude of "What's Best For Both Of You". Again,the answers might not be what you want to hear.