Christmas Debacle - Need Opinions

[Vonderbach]

In these situations WE ALL need to check our ego at the door and put away all of our fears.

Communication is the only way to resolve the problem...I don't know who started it, but by not talking and finding the root of the problem...it's only gonna get worse.

I know you're right, and I know it's ultimately the best solution, but how will this go down if the other parties refuse to come to the table? I can throw out all my dirtly laundry, but if they refuse, we're going to look like fools. I know, who cares, right? Nothing in life is guaranteed I suppose.

Thanks for helping me look at this in the right perspective. Now, can I get it done?

 

[Projekt]

Put a shock collar on the beotch and zap her everytime she pushes her buttons..


That way she will have a better perspective on all she dishes out.

 

[afterhours]

I know you're right, and I know it's ultimately the best solution, but how will this go down if the other parties refuse to come to the table? I can throw out all my dirtly laundry, but if they refuse, we're going to look like fools. I know, who cares, right? Nothing in life is guaranteed I suppose.

Thanks for helping me look at this in the right perspective. Now, can I get it done?

the more you try to explain...the more it sounds like you and your wife have are the problem...

maybe there is a reason nobody else sees your sister-in-law "twisting the knife" as you put.

maybe you and the wife are just a little dramatic about the situation.

 

[Projekt]

the more you try to explain...the more it sounds like you and your wife have are the problem...

maybe there is a reason nobody else sees your sister-in-law "twisting the knife" as you put.

maybe you and the wife are just a little dramatic about the situation.

Now, that IS keeping it real!

 

[BA BUSA]

I know you're right, and I know it's ultimately the best solution, but how will this go down if the other parties refuse to come to the table? I can throw out all my dirtly laundry, but if they refuse, we're going to look like fools. I know, who cares, right? Nothing in life is guaranteed I suppose.

Thanks for helping me look at this in the right perspective. Now, can I get it done?

the more you try to explain...the more it sounds like you and your wife have are the problem...

maybe there is a reason nobody else sees your sister-in-law "twisting the knife" as you put.

maybe you and the wife are just a little dramatic about the situation.

+1

This is a 'major' part of the problem...YOU and your wife are worried about looking like fools. Set a date, place, and time to sit down with your brother and his wife. Allow plenty of time to talk...and be honest...allow all parties to talk freely. Try not to be too emotional, let everybody get out their reasons for all of the bullsh!t that has been going on.

 

[BA BUSA]

How is your relationship with just your brother?

Maybe you two can go out for a beer and talk...just bro to bro. This might be a good way to start, before the four of you sit down to talk.

 

[Vonderbach]

My wife and I have said literally nothing to my brother and sister-in-law, so no, it's not coming from our side. We have been very reserved and kept things to ourselves. I realize it's hard to look at one's self in the mirror, but I can safely say that we have been anything but vocal.

How is your relationship with just your brother?

Maybe you two can go out for a beer and talk...just bro to bro. This might be a good way to start, before the four of you sit down to talk.

Unfortunately, my brother and I have never been close.

 

[BA BUSA]

My wife and I have said literally nothing to my brother and sister-in-law, so no, it's not coming from our side. We have been very reserved and kept things to ourselves. I realize it's hard to look at one's self in the mirror, but I can safely say that we have been anything but vocal.



Unfortunately, my brother and I have never been close.

He IS your brother...maybe if you two were closer, the current issue would never have happened.

You take your wife's side in all of this, he probably sides with 'his' wife...TOO MANY PEOPLE TAKING SIDES...you are all family

Reach out to your Bro...time to smoke the peace pipe

 

[skydivr]

If all else fails, tell you wife, when the parents aren't looking, to give your SIL a flying biotchslap (cause a normal one just won't do)

 

[aussiekeeper]

Dear Abby,

Let's get one thing out of the way, my wife and my sister in law (my brother's wife) do not get along well. It is largely unspoken and it has never resulted in anything more than hurt feelings, since both of them realize that making a scene would only make things worse and make them look foolish in return. Obviously I take my wife's side of things, so I won't bore anyone with the details; let's just say there are logical reasons for the conflict.

Here's my problem. We made plans to visit my parents on Christmas Eve, a day that supposedly my bother and his wife had other plans. Since then, my parents have relayed this information to them and suddenly they are free for dinner. So what was supposed to be a pleasurable evening with my folks has now become a chore, not to mention the fact that I have yet to tell my wife. I am struggling with the decision to tell my parents how we feel, since in their eyes, it will likely seem that we are being shallow and childish. I am dreading this evening, but I don't want to punish my parents for what is obviously not their problem.

Anyone have any thoughts as to how to make this easier?

Bring Duct Tape...........

 

[badazgtp]

If it was me in the situation, I would call my parents and tell them what is going on. Tell them that you want to have a nice meal with them. Change it over for you and your wife to come over for lunch and your brother and his wife can come over for dinner, but not to let them know about your time change so they can't show up for it. Then they can have the leftovers for their meal. Then after the holidays, you and bro can sit down and talk about it, you let him know how you feel and he does the same. Once you two come to an agreement about what's going on, then the two of you sit down with the wives. With both of you being in agreement, you don't have to take sides, you both tell them what's going on and what's going to happen. If he doesn't want to do it, continue to set up your visits a seperate times.

 

[Strife]

While I agree that this is likely the best solution for most issues like this, I think the thing that I fear most is being told that our feelings are irrational and that we're being silly, foolish, etc. I get the distinct impression that my folks and my brother specifically are largely ignorant (on purpose or not) of how she twists the knife. Not to mention that my sister-in-law uses her children as a negotiating tool with my parents.

I think this is one case where things are best left alone.....although my problem still remains as to how to cope with her. I think the general consensus here is to liquor up and jump in with both feet.

I admit this may not be the best solution if we want a long term relationship with this person, but the fact is that we don't. We tried to befriend her for a long time and we were shat on repeatedly. So it's not for lack of trying.


No worries, you'll see it on cops I suspect. I'll be the drunk guy trying to slur my way through a cop interview.

Ignoring it doesn't make it go away! Ignoring it only forces you to make judgment calls on how you going to live the rest of your life to AVOID the situation. X-mas Eve is a prime example.

Different people are raised differently. There just might be a clash of some culture so to speak!

Discussing it with 25k strangers isn't going to give you the right answer. Just the one you are looking for.

Maybe your wife inadvertently flaunts herself unknowingly? That can be insulting to anyone. Even another attractive woman. Causing negative responses in return.

Getting together and talking it out with your brother and his wife is your best bet. Maye start by discussing it with your brother before hand and gather notes on how to deal with the confrontation of when the 2 ladies are brought together. You might be shocked what you learn in the end. Sometimes it needs to be brought to a head,before it calms. Do this after the holiday since it's so close. If your brothers wife is unaware,why ruin the holiday for the rest for the family.

As far as both going to your parents. That's for you to decide. Care for them enough to put a few comments thrown out at you aside?

Advice from one Idiot of 25k members....

 

[Strife]

Also maybe your brothers wife is siding with your brother who has issues with you or your wife? She just chooses to be the one who is vocal about?

Only way to find out is to bring it out into the open... Usually ends in a fight with a cool down period to follow,but in the end you'll probably end up closer or knowing where you stand in the very least.

 

[Projekt]

Also maybe your brothers wife is siding with your brother who has issues with you or your wife? She just chooses to be the one who is vocal about?

Only way to find out is to bring it out into the open... Usually ends in a fight with a cool down period to follow,but in the end you'll probably end up closer or knowing where you stand in the very least.

I had that thought as well after the admission he was not close to his brother.

 

[Dino]

If all else fails, tell you wife, when the parents aren't looking, to give your SIL a flying biotchslap (cause a normal one just won't do)

definately get this on film so we can critique the biotchslap.

 

[Fastfrog007]

Let's hope she stopped short of first circumcision.

First? How many are there?

 

[Vonderbach]

Here's how we are going to approach it this season:

As someone already suggested, we are changing our visitation time to Christmas night, when my brother and his wife are with her family.

After the holiday, I'm going to sit down with my parents and explain our difficulties, then see if they think it is something they want to work out with my brother and SIL. If so, we'll pregress from there, if not, then at least my parents know how we feel.

I really do thank everyone for their input, it helped me come to terms about this.

 

[Dino]

Here's how we are going to approach it this season:

As someone already suggested, we are changing our visitation time to Christmas night, when my brother and his wife are with her family.

After the holiday, I'm going to sit down with my parents and explain our difficulties, then see if they think it is something they want to work out with my brother and SIL. If so, we'll pregress from there, if not, then at least my parents know how we feel.

I really do thank everyone for their input, it helped me come to terms about this.

They will also know that you and your wife did everything you could to make the situation better.

 

[wardie]

Re read KROMDOM response. It is the most logical manner in which to approach this. Put aside problems for an evening. I know it's hard but take the high road your parents will remember what a great Christmas it was long after the night has gone. Wardie

 

[head east busa]

While I too see this as being very childish, my first thought is to simply avoid the problem, which is what I thought we were doing by making a separate time to see my folks. So now we're being forced to either forsake my parents or forsake ourselves, whcih seems to be the proper course of action based on some of the replies here. And while I would love to say "Yes, we'll be the better people," I am still left to wonder why in the hell my brother's wife would invite herself, knowing very well that there is tension between us. I am beginning to wonder if she even realizes the problem.

Thanks for the replies everyone, it has helped me to gain some prespective.

And Dino, I wish my wife was a drinker, if only during the holidays. My problem's would probably worsen if I brought "friends" and my wife went sober.

well it looks like a lot of us are in similar boats on this one. in regards to your situation you might just want to make other plans and let the folks know your not going to make that night. I have found the tension that kind of situation creates will ruin the point of a good night. Just be honest with your parents and explain to them you do not want to have any tension so it would be better if you went to visit another evening. Sometimes the best way to avoid any trouble is take yourself out of the equation.