The day care teacher holds up a picture and asks, "What's this?"
"A horsey," one child answers.
"And this?" the teacher asks.
"A piggy." replies another youngster.
"And now this one?" asks the teacher, holding up a picture of a maledeer
with a beautiful rack of antlers. There was no answer, only total silence.
"Come now, children," she coaxes, "I'll give you a little hint.What does your Mommy call your Daddy when he hugs and kisses her a lot?"
"I know! I know!!" exclaims one little girl. "It's a horny bastard!
______________________________________________________________________
<< Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a
young lady nearby began
to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, "That little gal is havin' a bad
time. I'm a gonna go over there and help." He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big
Texan hands and asked, "Kin ya swaller?"
Gasping, she shook her head no. He asked "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping,
she again shook her head no. With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her
panties and licked her on the butt. The young woman was so shocked, that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own.
The Texan sat back down with his friend and said,"Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick maneuver always works."
________________________________________________________________________________
The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest, and asked if the priest would hear his confession. "Of course, my son", said the priest. Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked
on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic,
and they never found her." "That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing
that you need to confess", said the priest.
"It's worse, Father. I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors", continued the old man. "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk --you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her. I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest."Thanks, Father", said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind.
Can I ask another question?""Of course, my son", said the priest. The old man asked "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?
_______________________________________________________________________
THE BOBBIT HILLBILLIES
COME AND LISTEN TO MY STORY 'BOUT A MAN NAMED JOHN.
A POOR EX MARINE WITH A LITTLE FRACTION GONE-
IT SEEMS ONE NIGHT AFTER GETTING WITH THE WIFE
SHE LOPPED OFF HIS DONG WITH THE SWIPE OF A KNIFE.
PENIS, THAT IS
CLEAN CUT.
MISSED HIS NUTS
WELL, THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW THERE'S A GINSU BY HIS SIDE,
AND LORENA'S IN THE CAR TAKING WILLIE FOR A RIDE
SHE SOON GOT TIRED OF HER PURPLE HEADED FRIEND
AND TOSSED HIM OUT THE WINDOW AS SHE CAME AROUND THE BEND.
CURVE, THAT IS
TOSSED THE NUB
IN THE SHRUB
SHE WENT TO THE COPS AND CONFESSED TO THE ATTACK
AND THEY CALLED OUT THE HOUNDS JUST TO GET HIS WEENIE BACK
THEY SNIFFED AND THEY BARKED AND THEY POINTED, "OVER THERE!"
TO JOHN WAYNE'S HENRY THAT WAS WAVING IN THE AIR.
FOUND, THAT IS
BY A FENCE
EVIDENCE
NOW PETER AND JOHN COULDN'T STAY APART TOO LONG
SO A **** DOC SAID, "HEY I CAN FIX THAT DONG."
A NEEDLE AND A THREAD IS ALL WE'RE GONNA NEED.
AND THE WHOLE WORLD WAITED 'TIL THEY HEARD THAT JOHNNY PEED.
WHIZZED, THAT IS
EVEN SEAM
STRAIGHT STREAM
WELL HE HEALED AND HE HARDENED AND HE TOOK HIS CASE TO COURT
WITH A HALF-ASSED LAWYER CAUSE HIS ASSETS CAME UP SHORT
THEY CLEARED HER OF ASSAULT AND ACQUITTED HIM OF RAPE
AND HIS PECKER WAS THE ONLY THING THEY DIDN'T SHOW ON TAPE.
VIDEO, THAT IS
UNEXPOSED.
CASE CLOSED.
YA'LL SLEEP ON YOUR STOMACHS NOW, YA HEAR......
COME AND LISTEN TO MY STORY 'BOUT A MAN NAMED JOHN.
A POOR EX MARINE WITH A LITTLE FRACTION GONE-
IT SEEMS ONE NIGHT AFTER GETTING WITH THE WIFE
SHE LOPPED OFF HIS DONG WITH THE SWIPE OF A KNIFE.
PENIS, THAT IS
CLEAN CUT.
MISSED HIS NUTS
WELL, THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW THERE'S A GINSU BY HIS SIDE,
AND LORENA'S IN THE CAR TAKING WILLIE FOR A RIDE
SHE SOON GOT TIRED OF HER PURPLE HEADED FRIEND
AND TOSSED HIM OUT THE WINDOW AS SHE CAME AROUND THE BEND.
CURVE, THAT IS
TOSSED THE NUB
IN THE SHRUB
SHE WENT TO THE COPS AND CONFESSED TO THE ATTACK
AND THEY CALLED OUT THE HOUNDS JUST TO GET HIS WEENIE BACK
THEY SNIFFED AND THEY BARKED AND THEY POINTED, "OVER THERE!"
TO JOHN WAYNE'S HENRY THAT WAS WAVING IN THE AIR.
FOUND, THAT IS
BY A FENCE
EVIDENCE
NOW PETER AND JOHN COULDN'T STAY APART TOO LONG
SO A **** DOC SAID, "HEY I CAN FIX THAT DONG."
A NEEDLE AND A THREAD IS ALL WE'RE GONNA NEED.
AND THE WHOLE WORLD WAITED 'TIL THEY HEARD THAT JOHNNY PEED.
WHIZZED, THAT IS
EVEN SEAM
STRAIGHT STREAM
WELL HE HEALED AND HE HARDENED AND HE TOOK HIS CASE TO COURT
WITH A HALF-ASSED LAWYER CAUSE HIS ASSETS CAME UP SHORT
THEY CLEARED HER OF ASSAULT AND ACQUITTED HIM OF RAPE
AND HIS PECKER WAS THE ONLY THING THEY DIDN'T SHOW ON TAPE.
VIDEO, THAT IS
UNEXPOSED.
CASE CLOSED.
YA'LL SLEEP ON YOUR STOMACHS NOW, YA HEAR......
[This message has been edited by sherm (edited 10 November 1999).]
