OB_Dirty Pete
Registered
UPDATE 11/28: GsxrTurbo1, Mitch, Rotts4u and Dreamer have been assigned. ROR and Spike add to their assignments. Hapo has added a permanent assignment to his temporary one. 99TLR has made major changes to Busaland's physical and political infrastructure, with technical refinements by BJ. Lyle has suggested a new policy that will have to be reconciled with OwnerFan's alleged marital status. Dazee has taken an important pre-invasion initiative.
**********************************************
The day after we overthrow Agentina and set up Hayabusaland, here's the planned political infrastructure to date:
Fitch and Jamie will be immediately crowned King and Queen of the Royal Empire of Hayabusaland and presented to the international community on the front page of the first edition of our national newspaper "The Hayabusaland Trash-Times," Executive Editor and Chief Propagandist...ROR. Given the excellence of his recent reporting on the Long Beach Bike Show, ROR will also take on the important responsibility of keeping Busaland on top of any threatening technical advances by the Heathens (Honduh, Kawapuky, Yamahaha etc.)
The "Trash-Times" will have to be pre-printed for the invasion so could Fitch and Jamie please dress up in sparkly things and robes and crowns and be at Superman Modeling Agency and Hooters Recrooters for the photo shoot tomorrow at 6. Oh...you're already dressed? You...dress that way all the time...?
Hapo is proclaimed President Per Diem and will wear 5 stars on each shoulder so that all who see him may know the might of his power and fall down before him and offer up gifts of gold, rubber and ti...which is how he will get paid for being the Big Kahuna.
HayabusaOwnerFan speaks Argentinny (with a Portuguese accent) so she'll be the one to break the news to the locals that all the men are being summarily executed and all women who are not virgins are being herded over the nearest cliff, EXCEPT for some non-virgins who will be allowed to live on as free-roaming "comfort girls" subject to beauty, wardrobe and dental approval by OwnerFan and to on-going sexual proficiency checks by Lyle.
Lyle has generously offered to patrol around all day on his bike randomly sampling non-virgins for quality. Non-virgins who pass Lyle's rigorous tests will be classified "Current Status Non-Virgins" and will wear the stamp "Lyle check (date), Lyle like" on their inner thigh. Non-virgins who lose Current Status will be shown the cliff.
Busa Dreamer is assigned, subject to her graduation from MIT, as Secretary of Industry and Commerce and will also be the first PCSNV (Permanent Current Status Non-Virgin), As such she will be exempt from Lyle's approval process. Until she earns her own Busa, Dreamer will have the right to mount anyone's Busa pillion at will on the condition that, while riding as passenger, she thoroughly and continuously check the pilot's clothing and body from knees to waist for any protruding parts that might prove injurious in a fall.
GsxrTurbo1 is assigned to the IT pool with all the others techies (see below) and will have to choose between writing code in a cubicle 18 hours a day for the rest of his life, or terrorizing, raping and pillaging on a motorcycle in the beautiful, bountiful, verdant countryside of Busaland. May God grant him the wisdom the make the right decision.
Mitch will manage "Project Phoenix." This assignment is to build nightfighters for the Busaland Air Force using parts scavenged from the thousands of druglord aircraft that have crashed in the jungles of Busaland over the years. We will then use these nightfighters to shoot down thousands more druglord overflights in order to guarantee that a good supply of free, high quality drugs will rain from the skies of Busaland all year round.
Rotts4u has kindly volunteered to turn his years of professional training to evil purposes for us. He will engineer a new structural concrete that produces crack from small fissures created by specially implanted chemical-soaked textiles. All new government buildings will be made with this new crack-producing concrete to ensure that no important national decisions will ever be made by rational people.
Lyle insists that no nagging spouses be allowed in Hayabusaland. OwnerFan insists that she is married. If she is in fact married and not just making this up to keep us lecherous sex-crazed animals off her doorstep, then she'll have to demonstrate that her husband is not a nag.
Ducmanic, who will henceforth be addressed as Urban Shaman, sets up an Official Hayabusaland.org site to show the rest of the world that we're having a better time than they are and that we can ride all year round and hang out in cafes and ogle women and not have to work and do burnouts up and down the street as much as we want.
Computer intelligence, misinformation dissemination and counter measures will be handled by BJ who has devised a way to temporarily render Hayabusaland 'IT-invisible' to the world for those special occasions when we may wish to rise up together and commit some crimes against humanity to celebrate our proud new nation.
Animal handles the European IT trade interface to ensure a steady supply of hot Italian salami, stolen art treasures from Paris, funds in all currencies from unclaimed Swiss numbered bank accounts, Acropovic from the Baltic and...what...from Germany. Do we want anything from Germany? naaaaaaaaaaa...
Insinu8 will run a human bio-engineering lab, preliminarily intended to a) reverse the effects of virgin deflowering and b) massively increase the thickness of male skulls so that we won't have to wear helmets anymore.
Jimjib will undertake to design and construct a VLMCSP (Very Large Mobile Counterbalanced Swinging Platform) to swing 20 of us about 2 miles into the territory of neighboring countries in the middle of the night so we can scoop up bikes, women and new slaves as needed.
Turbo 1300 takes over the public food sector and keeps every one fed up with protein-packed ostrich meat.
Badbusa measures virgins for ostrich leather thongs (you'd be surprised how many different measurements are involved for a proper fit) and helps Turbo 1300 put on weekly Busa exhaust noise concerts that showcase the various aftermarket pipes and cans available.
Anyone who dies from the Ostrich meat diet, Big Ed buries'em. If they don't die, Konrad performs medical experiments on them. Those who do not survive Konrad will have elaborate yet sensitive state monuments built to them by Viol8r. What Viol8r chooses to fill the hollow parts of these monuments with will not be the subject of public discussion.
Maui will convert funny cars into official limos, coachwork by Spike, assembly robotics by Kevtec, speedy bits by Brock, and hiabuser will sell'em to America in exchange for drugs, liquor and cash, and to Russia in exchange for titanium billet.
In addition to his coachwork duties, Spike has offered to build and provide to all Busa owners a special "Spic-O-Matic" conversion kit consisting of pop-up umbrella with hanging wop-balls and fuzzy dice, plus an ingenious in-hump beer cooling/storage unit.
Ianfila leverages the American cash payments as venture capital to develop a domestic Busa parts industry run by Roberto and crazy bill who machine EVERYTHING out of titanium in a close strategic alliance with gurrera. Parts that gurrera can't figure will be reverse engineered from used Chrysler parts by BJ in his spare time. These parts then get graphics by BullDog, marketing by Pkboxer and are flogged on an e-commerce site built by DaZee that doubles as an international virgin recruitment/abduction scheme.
Being a self-starter executive type, DaZee has already commenced the Virgin Recruitment/Abduction process and has amassed a pool of virgins large enough to carry us for the first 30 days. We are grateful to DaZee for this, as we have been given no reason to believe that there will be any virgins in Argentina at the time of the takeover. Those people just breed like rats, don't they?
Dazee also runs all the bars, one every mile along the roads. NinjaKnight will cruise the bars contradicting customers and making sure everyone's really pissed before they get back on their Busas.
Dr. Busa will design and build roads, all of which will be one way and downhill. Mr Bear will run/speedwalk the entire road system all day every day, Forrest Gump like, to make sure it is safe for motorcycle hooliganism, which will be the National Sport of Hayabusaland.
At TLR's suggestion, all towns will be relocated about 20 miles apart to give a good ride. Between each town there will be 3 freeways: dead straight (lots of lanes), curvy banked (couple of lanes), tight 'n twisty, plus nice BIG roundabouts at each town where you can get your knee down and leave it there until you decide which exit to take next.
Everyone will be issued a mobile phone to meet up for rides or to call the 24 hour 'Busa Slave-Technicians' who will endlessly drive the roads with a small trailer complete with tools (Snap-on only), free tires, fuel, and a small portable dyno.
Nurses will also drive the roads to cover for the inevitable get-offs. These nurses to be hand picked from the cutest virgins and made to wear little white nurses uniforms and high heels.
Nurse Patrol vehicles will carry the standard emergency recusitation kit i.e. intravenous turbo charged 55 gallon supply of Jack Daniels (black of course), Georgia White Lightning (160 proof) for the more hardy mountain boys, and special reserve Tai sticks liberally coated with hashish and joyfully rolled in orange sunshine. Nurses will also carry rolled 100 dollar bills pre-loaded with double lines of agent orange for the exclusive use of Mekong Delta vets like BJ.
Anyone caught riding slow will be made to sit on a (disabled) ZX-12 in the town square and make "vroom vroom" noises for a whole day while people throw rotten fruit at them.
The days of the week are hereby renamed; Dragday, Virginday, Wheelieday, Kneedownday, Dopeday, Boozeday and Hangoverday
On Viol8r's reco, it is being requested that KawAbuser oversee the fabrication of massive blocks of granite for our roads, to be finished to perfect textures for drag, road and high speed racing. Subject to Dr. Busa's approval, some roads will be engineered with huge jumps so we could fly a quarter mile or more and land smoothly.
These roads will be covered with transparent canopies. All of this will be accomplished with slaves in chain gangs, who would be treated very well except for the chains and whippings. The slaves will be fools who ride other kinds of bikes. They will be allowed to ride (but not Busas) and have women (no virgins), do any kind of dope (only from Friday night till noon Sunday) and they will be fed well, but not with ostrich meat.
The Outlaws and Hell's Angels will be permitted into Hayabusaland on temporary visas to oversee the slaves and to procure and manufacture massive quantities of any kinds of dope/drugs we need. They will be allowed to do dope and have girls (no virgins) anytime. If any of them get out of line or too big for their britches they will be used for void filling material in public monuments.
Big Dog will be in charge of deleting any non-compliant Outlaw/Hell's Angels types who we cannot find to execute prior to stuffing them into the monuments. Hey wait a minute, why do we have to execute them first? They could just be inside there and make amusing noises for a few days!
99TLR runs border patrol to keep citizens, etc. out, and has promised to run at precisely 160 mph day and night so that we can all manage our metabolisms with some semblance of accuracy each day. When you hear him scream by your room, that means "start drinking." The next pass you hear means "stop drinking." And so on.
The telephone utility will be run by cbxchris, who will ensure that no matter who you're calling or the purpose of your call, you will be automatically connected to the world's largest phone sex call center for one hour for free.
Jim p and busapower will build us a refrigerator capable of holding enough beer to maintain 24 hour 100% population-wide public intoxication or, if someone leaves the door open, capable of cooling down the entire country for the month of August. When the compressor burns out, gsx1300r guy will repair it and present a bill for 7 times the original estimate.
Superman has volunteered to supervise the slaves in the building of a tire factory that specializes in rear tires. These rear tires will be packaged like socks, 4 to a package, and will be provided free to all government officials. Superman has also wisely requested Konrad to recommend the best breast implant surgeon to kidnap and take with us.
Visiting foriegn dignitaries who are not held hostage for parts, liquor and virgins will be entertained by our resident idiot, Yngve. Any dignitaries held hostage will be provided, at no charge, with the legal services of Consigliari KawAbuser, who may feed them to his WWF clients or may force them into granite quarry slave labor chain gangs, according to his discretion.
Swerving slightly from his core competency, Sherm will be in charge of inventing, not bike bits, but excuses to the United Nations who we anticipate will be in perpetual Emergency Session debating international responses to our unusual foriegn policies. Gary will take pilot duty for Sherm's shuttle diplomacy, accompanied by Big Pete, who will bodyguard them both from the expected Ninja attacks.
If there's a domestic Kawpuke insurrection (remember they will be kept as Busa washers) and everything catches on fire or if billions of carbon fiber eating bugs suddenly emerge from the soil, Gixxer1300r goes in.
This pretty much leaves the IT people, far too many of whom we've got here. Among themselves, Turtle, tffu, Cisco, Dingo, mbuehler, tulmann and IFLYLOW are going to have to decide who runs the computers and who just rides around at full speed on their bikes from party to party and never has to work again for the rest of their lives.
Turtle may elect to just stare at OwnerFan with his tongue hanging out.
There will of course be no police, as none have so far volunteered their services on Maui's thread.
(Out of respect for those who do not wish to roar around lawlessly and aimlessly on motorcycles all day and rule with an iron fist in Hayabusaland, only those who post their credentials on this thread or on Maui's "Engineers..." thread will be assigned important responsibilities and positions of great power in the New World Order of Hayabusaland.)
[This message has been edited by Dirty Pete (edited 01 December 1999).]
**********************************************
The day after we overthrow Agentina and set up Hayabusaland, here's the planned political infrastructure to date:
Fitch and Jamie will be immediately crowned King and Queen of the Royal Empire of Hayabusaland and presented to the international community on the front page of the first edition of our national newspaper "The Hayabusaland Trash-Times," Executive Editor and Chief Propagandist...ROR. Given the excellence of his recent reporting on the Long Beach Bike Show, ROR will also take on the important responsibility of keeping Busaland on top of any threatening technical advances by the Heathens (Honduh, Kawapuky, Yamahaha etc.)
The "Trash-Times" will have to be pre-printed for the invasion so could Fitch and Jamie please dress up in sparkly things and robes and crowns and be at Superman Modeling Agency and Hooters Recrooters for the photo shoot tomorrow at 6. Oh...you're already dressed? You...dress that way all the time...?
Hapo is proclaimed President Per Diem and will wear 5 stars on each shoulder so that all who see him may know the might of his power and fall down before him and offer up gifts of gold, rubber and ti...which is how he will get paid for being the Big Kahuna.
HayabusaOwnerFan speaks Argentinny (with a Portuguese accent) so she'll be the one to break the news to the locals that all the men are being summarily executed and all women who are not virgins are being herded over the nearest cliff, EXCEPT for some non-virgins who will be allowed to live on as free-roaming "comfort girls" subject to beauty, wardrobe and dental approval by OwnerFan and to on-going sexual proficiency checks by Lyle.
Lyle has generously offered to patrol around all day on his bike randomly sampling non-virgins for quality. Non-virgins who pass Lyle's rigorous tests will be classified "Current Status Non-Virgins" and will wear the stamp "Lyle check (date), Lyle like" on their inner thigh. Non-virgins who lose Current Status will be shown the cliff.
Busa Dreamer is assigned, subject to her graduation from MIT, as Secretary of Industry and Commerce and will also be the first PCSNV (Permanent Current Status Non-Virgin), As such she will be exempt from Lyle's approval process. Until she earns her own Busa, Dreamer will have the right to mount anyone's Busa pillion at will on the condition that, while riding as passenger, she thoroughly and continuously check the pilot's clothing and body from knees to waist for any protruding parts that might prove injurious in a fall.
GsxrTurbo1 is assigned to the IT pool with all the others techies (see below) and will have to choose between writing code in a cubicle 18 hours a day for the rest of his life, or terrorizing, raping and pillaging on a motorcycle in the beautiful, bountiful, verdant countryside of Busaland. May God grant him the wisdom the make the right decision.
Mitch will manage "Project Phoenix." This assignment is to build nightfighters for the Busaland Air Force using parts scavenged from the thousands of druglord aircraft that have crashed in the jungles of Busaland over the years. We will then use these nightfighters to shoot down thousands more druglord overflights in order to guarantee that a good supply of free, high quality drugs will rain from the skies of Busaland all year round.
Rotts4u has kindly volunteered to turn his years of professional training to evil purposes for us. He will engineer a new structural concrete that produces crack from small fissures created by specially implanted chemical-soaked textiles. All new government buildings will be made with this new crack-producing concrete to ensure that no important national decisions will ever be made by rational people.
Lyle insists that no nagging spouses be allowed in Hayabusaland. OwnerFan insists that she is married. If she is in fact married and not just making this up to keep us lecherous sex-crazed animals off her doorstep, then she'll have to demonstrate that her husband is not a nag.
Ducmanic, who will henceforth be addressed as Urban Shaman, sets up an Official Hayabusaland.org site to show the rest of the world that we're having a better time than they are and that we can ride all year round and hang out in cafes and ogle women and not have to work and do burnouts up and down the street as much as we want.
Computer intelligence, misinformation dissemination and counter measures will be handled by BJ who has devised a way to temporarily render Hayabusaland 'IT-invisible' to the world for those special occasions when we may wish to rise up together and commit some crimes against humanity to celebrate our proud new nation.
Animal handles the European IT trade interface to ensure a steady supply of hot Italian salami, stolen art treasures from Paris, funds in all currencies from unclaimed Swiss numbered bank accounts, Acropovic from the Baltic and...what...from Germany. Do we want anything from Germany? naaaaaaaaaaa...
Insinu8 will run a human bio-engineering lab, preliminarily intended to a) reverse the effects of virgin deflowering and b) massively increase the thickness of male skulls so that we won't have to wear helmets anymore.
Jimjib will undertake to design and construct a VLMCSP (Very Large Mobile Counterbalanced Swinging Platform) to swing 20 of us about 2 miles into the territory of neighboring countries in the middle of the night so we can scoop up bikes, women and new slaves as needed.
Turbo 1300 takes over the public food sector and keeps every one fed up with protein-packed ostrich meat.
Badbusa measures virgins for ostrich leather thongs (you'd be surprised how many different measurements are involved for a proper fit) and helps Turbo 1300 put on weekly Busa exhaust noise concerts that showcase the various aftermarket pipes and cans available.
Anyone who dies from the Ostrich meat diet, Big Ed buries'em. If they don't die, Konrad performs medical experiments on them. Those who do not survive Konrad will have elaborate yet sensitive state monuments built to them by Viol8r. What Viol8r chooses to fill the hollow parts of these monuments with will not be the subject of public discussion.
Maui will convert funny cars into official limos, coachwork by Spike, assembly robotics by Kevtec, speedy bits by Brock, and hiabuser will sell'em to America in exchange for drugs, liquor and cash, and to Russia in exchange for titanium billet.
In addition to his coachwork duties, Spike has offered to build and provide to all Busa owners a special "Spic-O-Matic" conversion kit consisting of pop-up umbrella with hanging wop-balls and fuzzy dice, plus an ingenious in-hump beer cooling/storage unit.
Ianfila leverages the American cash payments as venture capital to develop a domestic Busa parts industry run by Roberto and crazy bill who machine EVERYTHING out of titanium in a close strategic alliance with gurrera. Parts that gurrera can't figure will be reverse engineered from used Chrysler parts by BJ in his spare time. These parts then get graphics by BullDog, marketing by Pkboxer and are flogged on an e-commerce site built by DaZee that doubles as an international virgin recruitment/abduction scheme.
Being a self-starter executive type, DaZee has already commenced the Virgin Recruitment/Abduction process and has amassed a pool of virgins large enough to carry us for the first 30 days. We are grateful to DaZee for this, as we have been given no reason to believe that there will be any virgins in Argentina at the time of the takeover. Those people just breed like rats, don't they?
Dazee also runs all the bars, one every mile along the roads. NinjaKnight will cruise the bars contradicting customers and making sure everyone's really pissed before they get back on their Busas.
Dr. Busa will design and build roads, all of which will be one way and downhill. Mr Bear will run/speedwalk the entire road system all day every day, Forrest Gump like, to make sure it is safe for motorcycle hooliganism, which will be the National Sport of Hayabusaland.
At TLR's suggestion, all towns will be relocated about 20 miles apart to give a good ride. Between each town there will be 3 freeways: dead straight (lots of lanes), curvy banked (couple of lanes), tight 'n twisty, plus nice BIG roundabouts at each town where you can get your knee down and leave it there until you decide which exit to take next.
Everyone will be issued a mobile phone to meet up for rides or to call the 24 hour 'Busa Slave-Technicians' who will endlessly drive the roads with a small trailer complete with tools (Snap-on only), free tires, fuel, and a small portable dyno.
Nurses will also drive the roads to cover for the inevitable get-offs. These nurses to be hand picked from the cutest virgins and made to wear little white nurses uniforms and high heels.
Nurse Patrol vehicles will carry the standard emergency recusitation kit i.e. intravenous turbo charged 55 gallon supply of Jack Daniels (black of course), Georgia White Lightning (160 proof) for the more hardy mountain boys, and special reserve Tai sticks liberally coated with hashish and joyfully rolled in orange sunshine. Nurses will also carry rolled 100 dollar bills pre-loaded with double lines of agent orange for the exclusive use of Mekong Delta vets like BJ.
Anyone caught riding slow will be made to sit on a (disabled) ZX-12 in the town square and make "vroom vroom" noises for a whole day while people throw rotten fruit at them.
The days of the week are hereby renamed; Dragday, Virginday, Wheelieday, Kneedownday, Dopeday, Boozeday and Hangoverday
On Viol8r's reco, it is being requested that KawAbuser oversee the fabrication of massive blocks of granite for our roads, to be finished to perfect textures for drag, road and high speed racing. Subject to Dr. Busa's approval, some roads will be engineered with huge jumps so we could fly a quarter mile or more and land smoothly.
These roads will be covered with transparent canopies. All of this will be accomplished with slaves in chain gangs, who would be treated very well except for the chains and whippings. The slaves will be fools who ride other kinds of bikes. They will be allowed to ride (but not Busas) and have women (no virgins), do any kind of dope (only from Friday night till noon Sunday) and they will be fed well, but not with ostrich meat.
The Outlaws and Hell's Angels will be permitted into Hayabusaland on temporary visas to oversee the slaves and to procure and manufacture massive quantities of any kinds of dope/drugs we need. They will be allowed to do dope and have girls (no virgins) anytime. If any of them get out of line or too big for their britches they will be used for void filling material in public monuments.
Big Dog will be in charge of deleting any non-compliant Outlaw/Hell's Angels types who we cannot find to execute prior to stuffing them into the monuments. Hey wait a minute, why do we have to execute them first? They could just be inside there and make amusing noises for a few days!
99TLR runs border patrol to keep citizens, etc. out, and has promised to run at precisely 160 mph day and night so that we can all manage our metabolisms with some semblance of accuracy each day. When you hear him scream by your room, that means "start drinking." The next pass you hear means "stop drinking." And so on.
The telephone utility will be run by cbxchris, who will ensure that no matter who you're calling or the purpose of your call, you will be automatically connected to the world's largest phone sex call center for one hour for free.
Jim p and busapower will build us a refrigerator capable of holding enough beer to maintain 24 hour 100% population-wide public intoxication or, if someone leaves the door open, capable of cooling down the entire country for the month of August. When the compressor burns out, gsx1300r guy will repair it and present a bill for 7 times the original estimate.
Superman has volunteered to supervise the slaves in the building of a tire factory that specializes in rear tires. These rear tires will be packaged like socks, 4 to a package, and will be provided free to all government officials. Superman has also wisely requested Konrad to recommend the best breast implant surgeon to kidnap and take with us.
Visiting foriegn dignitaries who are not held hostage for parts, liquor and virgins will be entertained by our resident idiot, Yngve. Any dignitaries held hostage will be provided, at no charge, with the legal services of Consigliari KawAbuser, who may feed them to his WWF clients or may force them into granite quarry slave labor chain gangs, according to his discretion.
Swerving slightly from his core competency, Sherm will be in charge of inventing, not bike bits, but excuses to the United Nations who we anticipate will be in perpetual Emergency Session debating international responses to our unusual foriegn policies. Gary will take pilot duty for Sherm's shuttle diplomacy, accompanied by Big Pete, who will bodyguard them both from the expected Ninja attacks.
If there's a domestic Kawpuke insurrection (remember they will be kept as Busa washers) and everything catches on fire or if billions of carbon fiber eating bugs suddenly emerge from the soil, Gixxer1300r goes in.
This pretty much leaves the IT people, far too many of whom we've got here. Among themselves, Turtle, tffu, Cisco, Dingo, mbuehler, tulmann and IFLYLOW are going to have to decide who runs the computers and who just rides around at full speed on their bikes from party to party and never has to work again for the rest of their lives.
Turtle may elect to just stare at OwnerFan with his tongue hanging out.
There will of course be no police, as none have so far volunteered their services on Maui's thread.
(Out of respect for those who do not wish to roar around lawlessly and aimlessly on motorcycles all day and rule with an iron fist in Hayabusaland, only those who post their credentials on this thread or on Maui's "Engineers..." thread will be assigned important responsibilities and positions of great power in the New World Order of Hayabusaland.)
[This message has been edited by Dirty Pete (edited 01 December 1999).]
