What an emotional ride (past 24hrs)

[black diamond busa]

Yes and Yes. I am the sole provider for this family. Her real dad is a POS who has no contact

well i agree with everyone here the 2 of you have to be a single front in front of the kids. i was brought up that blood means nothing so if you love her and take care of her then shes YOUR daughter too no ifs ands or butts. you might not be the bio dad of her but to me that means nothing. stay strong man it will be tough and you still got the worst years to go. also remember how you were as a kid and dont be too hard but stick by what you say. good kids and bad kids both push the limits but the good ones learn from it and move to be stronger and better. also another thing that i think helps is to punish but maybe the next day or something sit down and talk to her about it and the whys of what you are doing. get her to talk back to you. the worst thing to have is a kid that thinks that they cant talk to there parents. i pushed the limits and i got in trouble but i always knew if i needed to talk to my dad i could no matter what it was about. good luck man

 

[busa-saga]

damn man. best of luck.

 

[black diamond busa]

lc, good luck on this one. One parent trying to raise children to be productive citizens and the other not working with the first is a REAL *****. Let alone being a step parent and being told these are my kids. Hang in there.

Ex-wife and I had our verbal fights about our kids. She was soft and I was firm like steel. The kids hated it. I told them, I mean what I say, and I say what I mean. Kids knew I pulled no punches. Guess who they come to to talk?

im sorry but it made me laugh when i seen this just because at that moment i looked at your avatar

 

[skydivr]

You are my worst nightmare. 13 years old..jeez. My daughter will be 11 tomorrow.

I'd print and keep a copy of all the stuff she's been saying to the boy, as a constant reminder to your wife, and to the other relatives, that they need to wake up and 'smell the poop'. They were not a teenage boy - YOU were, and all us guys remember what stunts we would pull as a teenage boy to get into a teenage girls pants. Unless your wife wants a teenage pregnancy, she had better start paying attention to your instincts.

Your instincts are spot on - and your wife needs to recognize that you are only doing this because you love that girl and are trying to be the best father figure you can be. It's YOUR job to protect her, and she needs to let you do YOUR JOB. Neither of you are her 'BFF' you are her PARENTS. I'm sure your wife is trying to be her buddy to make up for not making it with her real dad, but that' s gonna backfire on her (actually, it JUST DID)....

Watch your wife come up with the crazy idea that she needs to get on birth control - she will see it as preventing a pregnancy, buy you and I know it's more like a 'license to play'. Oh hell no.

My 11 year old does not (and will not in my house) have a FB account. She does NOT have a cell phone. She has a school email account that we monitor and that's it. I am doing everything I can to isolate her from noticing boys as long as I can, and I intend to run a pretty tight ship.

I dated this girl in high school I was CRAAAZY about. But I was scared to death of her dad - he never threatened me, but every time I came to pick her up, he looked me in the eye and gave me a very firm handshake - and I knew he was saying "I'll KILL you". So she was home when it was time to get home. But, EVEN THEN, that would not have kept me one second from the prize if his daughter had been willing to give it up - but it did keep me from being 'pushy'.

I saw him a few years ago and we had a good conversation - I told him that I had a daughter, and I told him that he was set a good example because he had me pretty intimidated - He said "and now you know why" and I said "yes sir". My point being that you can, TO A POINT, intimidate the boy into thinking twice, but the only REAL POWER is to get the girl to keep it in her pants.

I wish you the very best for this.

 

[Blanca BusaLess]

Wow! Kevin sorry for 'laughing' at this but with a 13yr old step daughter I couldnt get thru your first post without tearing up from depressed humor

I KNOW EXACTLY what youre going thru. I'm always correcting Kathy because to my wife 'she's such an Angel!'. And almost Everytime I do the wife says take it easy on her! I'm like wtf! What do you mean your daughter? When I pay all her bills and as nice as her dad is (we have a great relationship, at least) this I feel qualifies me to be able to bark every now and then good grief I raised her like she's mine since 2. I think I've earned the right to do same as you but we both know that as a 'step dad' oh no you can't do that! BS!

A couple things I do you may consider. First I guess I'm lucky Kathy doesn't sneak out or have a boyfriend yet but I know it's coming. She's got a diff boy on Facebook every week she's sending hearts and likes to but it hasnt progressed to your level yet, but....

I bought the cell phone, I pay the bill I tell Kathy if you want to keep it DO NOT erase a single text.
I tell her there is NOTHING she will write or anyone else will that I haven't seen and I expect to see the same stuff I would have put had I had a phone but I want to see it. I tell her don't be embarrassed or afraid to let me see or read a 'secret' as I will not hold it against her. We both know what she should say and do and for the most part she does but still the text chains on her phone go way back. After a while we delete them. A way to put it to her is to say how difficult it is to keep up with all the convo if you keep deleting everything. Kathy easily forgets what she sent and gets so it was evident to her leaving the text chain alone was better anyway.
Facebook same thing. Nothing gets hidden nothing gets removed but have at it and be a good girl.
I post in her Fb page often just letting her know :watching:
The wife needs to get in line. A lil 'oye que cohone!' from time to time
Maybe you should relax a bit and let her think all is well while your being mr sneaky.
Wait and wait patiently till she sneaks him in and then literally kick the door off it's hinges (no guns, we don't need daddy in jail) and just yell and scream and scare the living caca out of him?

Let me know if you want to talk about it, cry about it or laugh together at our own self made beds


Regarding your aunt. This is most sad news. I will pray for her peace daily.

 

[MO-BUSA]

good luck i hope you get things worked out with your daughter and the boy.

sending some prayers for your aunt

 

[newman]

I know what your going through.

I'm step dad to Lynne's four daughters, three have been fine, but had big problems with one of them.

Now she has a step daughter of her own, and told me she now appreciates how hard it can be.

Sometimes it's like a balancing act trying to keep everyone happy.

Good luck and I hope everything turns out fine.

 

[dadofthree]

Best of luck

 

[BlondeOnaBusa]

We have a blended family. My oldest, David is from another marriage but Randy has always treated him as his own since the day we became a family. I'm not gonna lie, it was hard to let him parent David but I bit my tongue and told myself that if he was ever gonna have a father figure in his life Randy was his only option since his own father didn't have much to do with him. I was more strict than Randy but there are times a kid needs a Dad to step in and bring the law down the way a mom can't. David is now 27 and has thanked Randy for being hard on him when he needed it. He said it has made him a better adult.
Your wife really needs to let you be a father to this young girl, sound like she really needs a dad. Good luck. I hope you all can get this worked out and soon.

 

[mr8ball]

Sorry for your troubles and I know it is a tough thing you are going through. I have been there done that. I tried all the things you are doing and getting ready to do but it did not help my cause any. Kids will always find a way to be together even if they have to skip class to do it. You can never watch them 24/7. I know its hard to here but it's a fact of life now days. They will always have an issue with the step farther or mother however it may be. I use to here is all the time. You are not my farther and I don't have to listen to you is what I was told. In time it got the best of our relationship and both girls ended up pageant anyway. Not saying this will happen in your case and not trying to be a downer but kids now days just think they know it all and sometimes will rebel no matter how hard we try to help them. Most of them feel that if they give in and listen to us they look bad to their friends. Pier pressure is a hard thing for anyone to live up to. Sounds like it time to have another talk with the boy and tell him that if something happens between them you will make sure that he is held accountable for his actions. Maybe that will get through to him and he will back off. I sure do wish you the best and I pray everything works out.

 

[chrisjp]

congratulations on staying strong..you are doing the RIGHT thing...trust me...you and your "family" will make it through this...and no matter how much the kids hate you now....its your job to make them hate you!!... they will respect you once they are older.....been there...done that...now have the respect of my children and they have love for their mother...but no respect for her...and wish they had not did what they did and lived with me more.

 

[card16969]

i grew up with my parents being divorced since i was 2 and going through 2 stepmoms one of which tried getting me more in trouble that i even tried getting into... trust me put her on lock down i know what i did with girls when i was young and its no good.... if you want i can send over my lil cousin whos 15 and already a 3rd degree black belt and can knock some sense into him hahaha... no cell phone no computer grounded to her room for a month and install an alarm haha

 

[Zoro]

LC, you're really having a rough time lately...

Does she have a hobby or any other interests that will consume some of her free time??
This may help with the current situation she is getting into, as much as we try and stop all this from happening the more they push to go against the grain.

I used to teach troubled teenagers and young adults horse handling and give them ability to work on stations (think they call them ranches in the US). Some of these kids had been in and out of the legal system/ jail for most of their lives and the difference that i saw in these kids was absolutely amazing once they were responsible for their horse and its well being.
I will admit the program did not work for all of them but i would guess that maybe 85% of them became stand up adults once they got all this out of their system and gained some responsibility.

I have a 4 year old daughter and i have all this to look forward to, however i will be trying to get her into some sort of hobby before the teen years arrive. Dont care what she does as it will be her choice.

Just a thought...

 

[Tm@nFL]

Get her on the Depo-Provera shot as soon as possible for birthcontrol. A shot every 3 months.
Have experienced this same thing with my step daughter at 13 years old.
I wish you all the luck in the world with her. I hope you can turn her in the right direction.

 

[zukracer]

you could put some stuff on her smart phone and track/trace all of her stuff without her knowing it. turn up gps location tracking with the carrier, find a lo jack like setup and have an alert when the phone goes outside of your acceptable range. I dont look forward to what you are going through but my step daughter knows full well that I'm a lot better at this whole internet thing than she is A healthy dose of fear goes a long way but you don't want to push her too far so that she cannot come to trust you are really looking out for her best interests. Best of luck, its definitely going to take you, your wife, your MIL and anyone else she looks at for guidance to right the ship

 

[HOOKDADDY]

i dont know a shot kind of give permission 2 do it while we think like an adult (its better 2 b safe than sorry) kids think (oh now i cant get pregnant ) the shot dont do nothing 4 STD's let mom know at te lease she is about 2b a grandmother and soon beacus their is nothing open at3am foe teenagers but legs and im not talking KFC ya heard me if it was mine i would have beat her azz right their in the doggy door ate something and did it again ....DAMN WHAT PPL SAY WHIP YA KIDS ASS IF U LOVE THEM because the polic inmates and ppl on the street will if u dont ....just a few words from That Dude HOOKDADDY

 

[HOOKDADDY]

A PPL KNOW ITS JUST SPEAKING WHATS ON MY MIND I THINK ALOT OF YALL NEED TO SLOW DOWNMAN 1 WHY IN THE HELL DO KIDS UNDER THE AGE OF 18 HAVE A FACEBOOK PAGE ANYWAY 2 IF YA KIDS GET UP GO TO SCHOOL AND COME BACK HOME WHY DO THEY NEED A CELL meaning easy inter access leads 2 trouble nowe didnt have cell phone when i was in highschool and now thir every were but that dont mean our kikids have 2 have them because we didnt .if they in 2 sports or something cool.i live inGA now around the end of last year this women son was kiddnapped raped and killed be cause of her fb page shefriend some dude (da killa) and he found out so much personal stuff the killa was able to trick the kid into believe he was a friend of the family .this dude be on the raido Elvis Duran so messed up over the hole thing becaused he had the same dude as a friend .ppl lets slow our life down and make better decision 4 our kid and protect our kids because if we dont who will. JUST A FEW MORE WORDS FROM That Dude HOOKDADDY

 

[HOOKDADDY]

we have a blended family. My oldest, david is from another marriage but randy has always treated him as his own since the day we became a family. I'm not gonna lie, it was hard to let him parent david but i bit my tongue and told myself that if he was ever gonna have a father figure in his life randy was his only option since his own father didn't have much to do with him. I was more strict than randy but there are times a kid needs a dad to step in and bring the law down the way a mom can't. David is now 27 and has thanked randy for being hard on him when he needed it. He said it has made him a better adult.
Your wife really needs to let you be a father to this young girl, sound like she really needs a dad. Good luck. I hope you all can get this worked out and soon.

sweetheart if u never spoke the truth befor you did it then i say church say it again

 

[lil charlie]

UPDATE:

Well, I have to say that yesterday's post mishap clean-up went as well as I could have hoped for. For the very 1st time my wife has said I was right, she was being way too easy on her and agrees that we need to monitor her and be a parent, not a friend. I couldn’t believe it…(I made her repeat the I was right part about 20 times hehehe). My wife was so disappointed that her “good girl” broke her trust that she decided my punishment wasn’t enough and tacked on a few more things…nice.

I called the boy’s mother (his dad is not in the picture) and told her he kids were up to no good and asked her to please stop by on her way home from work. As soon as I told her they had been sneaking out she yelled “I knew it”… She said about a week and a half ago she heard his bedroom window shut in the middle of the night so she ran in there yelling “busted” but didn’t see anyone but her son. She accused him of just arriving home and he gave her some song and dance about airing out his room because the dog took a dump in it and he was just tyring to get the smell out. He said...do you think I would sneak out in my underware, so she looked out the window and said...you better not be letting anyoine in then. She said her gut was telling her he was lying but since she didn’t see him go (or in reality, my daughter leave) that she fell for the same crap my wife was falling for. I’m not doing anything wrong, why do you never trust me…blah blah blah and let it go trying to be the nice mom. She said her son will now see mean *****y mom. The kid didn't say anything to that so I told hime mean *****y mom was WAY better than dealing with pissed off angry girlfriends father.

Him mom was very upset at him and said she has been having trouble with his attitude the past few months. She wants to make sure he doesn’t end up like her. She had him when she was only 16 and now struggles as a single mom to work and raise him and his little brother alone. That is when Melissa told her that she too had Caitlin and a young age (17) and that we weren’t blaming her one bit, that she knows what it's like to be a young single mom rasing two children. I told the boy that I was not mad at him nor do I think he is a bad kid, just that I was disappointed in the stupid choices he and my daughter make when they are together. I sat the kid down 3 weeks ago and told him my rules for dating my daughter and he agreed to respect them, now that I can prove they have been broken the rule are simple. For now, until all parents involved can trust them together, that my daughter was not allowed to see him outside of school and he was no longer welcome at our home. I told him that I was nice about it the 1st time, and I’m being nice about it this time….but…I Will NOT be nice again.

I know we can’t stop her from seeing him completely and if they really wanted to they will find a way but at least Caitlin now has fear of punishment. My wife told Caitlin that she had been making a mistake by protecting her from being punished by me for all the stupid little things she does and the little teenage attitude she has. My wife told her that stops now! From now on she will be the one dulling out the punishments and that they will be far worse than the stuff I wanted to do. My wife also called her own mother up and *****ed her out for not letting us know about the 2nd facebook page. Her mother said she didn’t want to betray Caitlin’s trust and was “keeping an eye on her” trough that page (which was total BS because out of all the crap that Caitlin was doing and posting there was only one message from Grandma and it said "quit all the cussing, you will be fine...I promise". She let her mom have it and told her from now on she is to report everything to her. I told my wife that she had every reason to be mad at her mom for it, that I was too, but she needs to be more mad at herself. I have been telling her for years that she needs to be more on top of the things she does and the people she meets but she didn’t want to believe it. My wife said “from now on I will trust your instincts”.

 

[mr8ball]

I am glad you and your wife are on the same track now. Hopefully things will smooth out and the kids will get better and not get in trouble. Best of luck