Do you spank your children?

[dadofthree]

 

[Wag]

I'm not entire convinced that spanking is appropriate in many instances. What matters in any case is that a child is taught about consequences. Good consequences for good actions, bad for bad. Undeserved rewards OR punishments are both going to eff up the kid.

--Wag--

 

[BIGSMOOTHH]

We spank as little as possible. Never in anger...never more than one or two whacks...never on skin...slways on the fanny....and never EVER with anything but a hand. We always explain why beforehand and talk afterword with our kids. Then we hug and kiss them and tell them we love them.
It is difficult at times to remember to not spank in anger but its the most important variable in that equation. If youre mad when you spank....then its more likely that the punishment youre dishing out is going to be interpreted as abuse. Calm down...wait....think....calm down some more...think again...then act.

 

[Big Red]

Sometimes corporal punishment is the only thing some kids respond to after repeatedly trying to get your point across to them to change their behavior.

 

[rubbersidedown]

Dang,,,I didn't know Rubb had kids (well other than his adopted son Yamahor)...that is pretty scary!! LOL, just kidding Rubb!!

VERY very scary.

 

[WWJD]

I'm not entire convinced that spanking is appropriate in many instances. What matters in any case is that a child is taught about consequences. Good consequences for good actions, bad for bad.

I agree with this theory Wag, but I don't think that standing in a corning "Thinking about what you did" is a "Bad" consequence for bad actions. I doubt children are really able to REASON things together until about 8 or 10. I do think that purposed pain is a good answer for disobedience - obviously not abusive kind but the kind that says "If you deliberately go into our bedroom since I have told you not too, you will get the displeasure of majorly stinging bottom until you understand who is in charge."

Exhibit A: "Don't touch that Vase. It important to me, expensive and made of something that could hurt you. I am your boss, you will listen to me" Lil Johhny waits until grownup is gone, reaches for the vase and knocks it over breaking it. Parent comes back and sees Johnny standing over the broken pieces...
Parent should:

a) goto pieces, start crying worrying if Johhny is okay while checking him for cuts. Johnny now owns teh parent knowing he can control their emotions with what he does.

b) clean it up and shrug it off with "accidents happen". Johnny learns that parents pick up the messes he makes, and that everything Parent said earlier really didn't matter

c) first assess that Johhny is okay, then tell him to take a 5 minute timeout in his room to think about what he did. Johnny goes to his room and thinks about how he can't wait to tell his buddies at school what he broke today, and then wonders if Transformers cartoon is on yet

d) assess the situation for damage, then spank Johnny for disobedience. Now Johnny can associate damaging other people's things AND disobedience with a stinging, painful effect that is not permamently damaging. Since kids have to try things to figure out how life works, this is an immediate, memorable result.

There is no REASONING with a preteen. Their brains aren't totally developed and educated enough for that yet. This is why they don't bother trying to teach PSYCHOLOGY in the 4th grade.

Heck, some kids aren't rational thinkers until they are over 18 and learning to carry themselve in life

- just some thoughts -

 

[Burger King]

The truth be told, one size doesn't fit all. A parent has to learn what works for their child individually. For some, time outs work, for some a good old spanking will modify the behavior and for some it may be something different. As most parents know, what works for now may not work later as the child grows.
I think the hardest type of behavior to modify is teenage rebellion. Sometimes reasoning works and sometimes its the "tough love" approach that needs to be taken even though many parents will try as hard as they can to avoid it because it often causes anguish for the parent. Too often mom or dad will just let their teen do as they wish with no fear of consequence. I believe thats one of the main reasons we have so much crime including rapes and shootings/murder in our society today.

 

[The Big Red One]

I never spank my daughter......but the stepsons open season

just kidding

 

[Luvanicebum]

I beat them regularly. actually I don't have children, but if I did...I would.

 

[SAMBUSA]

Beat them till they bleed then beat them for bleeding

 

[Dan]

Depending on the nature of the incident, when our children were young they got spanked.  We tried to explain right and wrong and the consequences if the behavior was repeated (swats, loss of priviledges, etc).  If the behavior was repeated, as a parent you have to follow through and it only took a couple times for the kids to learn we were serious.  When they got older we found better punishments; no car, dates, cell phones, internet etc.

The punishment needs to fit the crime and if consequences have been explained you have to be prepared to follow through or the kids learn there are no consequences.

 

[Wag]

I agree with this theory Wag, but I don't think that standing in a corning "Thinking about what you did" is a "Bad" consequence for bad actions.

I actually didn't propose that as a specific form of punishment. Someone else may have, however. My memory isn't all that great any more!

The fact remains that there are probably thousands of different ways to teach kids right from wrong and help them understand consequences of behaviors. Each kid is different, however; parents who believe a single system of rewards and punishments is effective for every one of their children are sadly mistaken.

Treating all kids, "the same," is not treating them, "equally." Treating them all the same is just pure lazy at worst or badly uninformed at best. Quite often we all see a few siblings raised together in a family being treated the same and yet, one of them always turns out different than the rest. One is a criminal and the rest are productive members of society and vice-versa. Or, one child rises above his the mistakes of his parents and does very well throughout life.

Granted, it isn't always the fault of the parents. There are plenty of times that no matter what you do, right or wrong, in spite of the efforts you put into it, some kids are not going to turn out okay. I don't have an answer for this but it is not always the fault of the parents. Or maybe it is but sometimes, it just doesn't seem like it is. I should think a true loving parent, however, would never give up looking for answers and never give up seeking better ways to reach their children.

--Wag--

 

[Busa Jules]

Okay.. the resident TEACHER has to chime in here.

Personally I was never spanked, but I saw my hardheaded brother get his A** tore UP! He just never learned and kept doing the same dumb things...

Now I teach HIGHSCHOOL and we still have corporal punishment. If a child has done something to receive demerits and his parent approves, he can receive licks (spanks) instead of the demerits. This keep a lot of kids IN school rather than being EXPELLED. This is a new principal we have and he re-instated the practice (our former principal was an older lady)... Right now it's just the boys... until a female teacher  

 steps up to administer the licks to the girls.

Now that being said, in the past 3 months since the new principal came, behavior among the boys has REALLY improved. I love seeing the boys that say "He Ain't gonna lay a finger on me" and then they walk around school with a sore rear.... And for the kids that "SAG" (you know, pants down to their knees).. he doesn't let them pull their pants up before he spanks.... so it's gotta sting....

just my .02 (since I have only 4 legged kids..... and YES I have spanked them before)

 

[rc51ny]

I have a son & daughter. I remember "swating" my son once when he was about 1 year old when I saw him trying to stick a paperclip into the electrical outlet. A good SHOUT and one wack on the butt (he was wearing a diaper) was all it took. Other than that---never needed to spank. I'm 6'6", 200# so I guess I could give 'em the "LOOK" and that was worse. But if a spanking is done "because I love you and don't want you to harm yourself", then I guess it's OK. BUt if I'm spanking the kid 'cause I'm mad--then that's way wrong. Son is now a Deputy Sheriff, so I guess he turned out OK. My daughter, just never need it. Always was and still is a sweet young lady. Just my $.02!

 

[smonroe86]

man they beat the hell out of me ahahah i was bad tho, but my mine are to young only 2yr and the other is still a baby but my daughter that is too, she always know she is doing something wrong even when it comes to jumping on my couch and i tell her to come here and bam off to mama she runs to so we will see the future. but as long as my kids take after my wife i will have no problems but if they take after me they will never know what the outside looks like cause thats what happen to me and just like what nightcrawler said i am doing good. i support my family and my country by doing my duties as a soldier but when the times got tuff i jumped on my busa and rode them away... but now when i get mad i just run it out... but i have faith in my kids that they will do their best... unlike me my kids have a college fund both started at $1,000 the day they were born.. unlike me i had to thank the military for the free college......

 

[WWJD]

Now that being said, in the past 3 months since the new principal came, behavior among the boys has REALLY improved.

So you have first hand experience with physical pain as punishment making a actual, live difference? Are there other studies out there that show this?

My big quandary is, if it's so effective, why is it so shunned? Again, and obviously ABUSE aside, it seems an effective training technique. I can't see TALKING to a child.... that would be trying to reason with a mind too small to make sense of it all. And it even works at high school level? cool

WHY do we allow the governement take our kids away if we are trying to RAISE THEM RIGHT? Johnny gets spanked, tells an authority because AT THAT TIME HE'S HATING HIS PARENTS, authority steps in and removes Johnny from the home? What is that? Have we no rights at all to be good parents?

 

[WWJD]

and I thank you guys for answering this poll and sharing stories - I've read them all.

OTHER THAN ABUSE, i'd love to hear more from those who think spanking is very wrong. What alternatives are there that is as effective for young, disobedient kids?

BTW I got to "wash my mouth out with soup" for using naughty words as a kid. No harm to me. Tasted like crap, I learned to not swear... I'm sure THAT is considered some sort of sick abuse now days too, right? I ate a LOT of soap. But didn't affect me at all now as an adult. I knew it was wrong as a kid, I KNEW the consequences, parents DID follow up and I learned to respect that. And after a while I learned how to STOP eating soap: no more bad language

 

[Busa Jules]

Have we no rights at all to be good parents?

The reason I think Corporal Punishment is working in this case is that MOST of these students have NEVER been spanked.(Most of these students come from low income, single mom (and usually teenager mothers)homes.. so momma has never raised her hand to them becasue she was just a kid herself)

Instead they have been sat in the "naughty spot".... "talked to " about their behavior and never had to suffer any real consequences for their actions.

That is what it all comes down to... You did something wrong...(broke a rule) so now you will suffer the consequences.

In other countries, corporal punishment is still part of the governmental punishments... Remember the spoiled rich kid who got CANED in Singapore (I think) for vandalism?

I believe that is the way it should be and we would have MUCH LESS crime in the US. Picking up trash on the side of the road or better yet, getting a bed, a roof over your head, and 3 square meals a day while you sit in jail doesn't deter the criminals.

 

[SAMBUSA]

and I thank you guys for answering this poll and sharing stories - I've read them all.  

OTHER THAN ABUSE, i'd love to hear more from those who think spanking is very wrong.  What alternatives are there that is as effective for young, disobedient kids?

BTW I got to "wash my mouth out with soup" for using naughty words as a kid.  No harm to me.  Tasted like crap, I learned to not swear... I'm sure THAT is considered some sort of sick abuse now days too, right?  I ate a LOT of soap.  But didn't affect me at all now as an adult.  I knew it was wrong as a kid, I KNEW the consequences, parents DID follow up and I learned to respect that.  And after a while I learned how to STOP eating soap:  no more bad language  

I got the soap deal too. Until my mom said a foul word and of course she had to do the soap on herself. For some reason, after that we never got the soap again

 

[Copperone]

I'm 60 and both my sons are doing well on their own... In retrospect I would have used spanking as a last resort. When I was a kid, I remember getting beatings so bad that I was afraid to do anything for fear of it being wrong.