21 yr marrage ruined by her affair !!!

Good attorneys are hard to find. I know we have some on the board, love you Tina! What I mean is, do your homework and dont trust your attorney 100%. They work for you, you need to know what your rights are. Seriously, I could tell you horror stories that could have been prevented if I had simply been informed and not relied on some one else to make my decisions for me. Like I said, let me know if you want to talk.

Kudos to you skydivr, seriously. All things happen for a reason. I am now married to the most wonderful person I could ever imagine, my best friend. Life goes on.
 
headrash said:
Your kids are the most important thing to keep in mind when it comes to these situations. Remember if your not happy your children know it and it affects them as much as it does you, if not more. If your looking for advice, you need to be happy with your life in order for your children to happy as well. It's going to be tough brother, my prayers are with you and your family!
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Obviously you need to do what is best for you. I hope that whatever your decision is it all works out for you in the end.

I am a child of a couple who remained married for "my sake". They finally got a divorce in 2005 (I think)....a year before my 30th birthday. I WISH they had done it sooner. Then tension in my house was thick for a long time. The kids will sense something is up.....if they haven't already. I did.

Good luck to you.
 
Remember, the Bible says if you lust in your heart you have already committed the sin. I venture to say she would not be willing to gamble with her life by playing Russian Roulette, yet she gambled with your home and family and even eternity by getting involved in this most devastating of sins. Back in 1918 some villages lost 80% of their population to the influenza virus. Today some churches lose up to that same percentage of their congregations to the sin of adultery, yet there is no fear of reprisal. But Jesus said, "outside are the dogs, the sexually immoral...". Wake up people, before it is too late. Sister, don't look away from your God and your husband, but go back home where you belong. Brother, do not forsake the wife of your youth. Keep the vows you made before God for nothing and no one is worth breaking them for. Father, this man needs your persistence. Transform his good works today by your word and power. Bless this family and make them whole! I wish you the very best.... Amen :bowdown:
 
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MrsGrumpy said:
Obviously you need to do what is best for you. I hope that whatever your decision is it all works out for you in the end.

I am a child of a couple who remained married for "my sake". They finally got a divorce in 2005 (I think)....a year before my 30th birthday. I WISH they had done it sooner. Then tension in my house was thick for a long time. The kids will sense something is up.....if they haven't already. I did.

Good luck to you.
Click to expand...

That is absolutely true Angela. The best gift you can give your children is a happy home.
 
Someone on the board has a sig, that says something like:

"Don't take life too seriously, at the end we die anyway."

Made me think.???
 
I'm sooo sorry bro. I don't even know what to say.

Prayers sent for you and your kids. God bless!
 
I went throught the same thing with my first wife and as bad as I hate to say it, 9 times outta 10, even when you work it out, things will never be the same. I could never trust her again, I became obsessed with constantly knowing where she was and who she was with...to the point that it would make me sick to my stomache if she didnt answer the phone when I called home. I finally came to realize that that was no way to live and that I didnt want my daughter to be brought up in a house where there was that much negative energy. My oldest daughter was 3 at the time...almost 5 by the time the custody battle was over(useless for a father in the state of TN). She's now 13 and we have a great relationship. I see her almost every weekend, holidays, and most of her summer and spring vacation she stays with me and she's a true daddy's girl. I dare even say that us not living together full time makes us appreciate each other even more and enjoy each other more when we are together so dont think for a second that you have to be miserable to make your child happy. Its all about the love you give them...not who they live with. ;) The important thing to realize is that SHE did this...not you and SHE is the one who should be making at least 80% of the effort to fix it. If she's making no effort, than regardless of the "I dont know what I want" comment, its obvious that she does know, and has already made her decision. Now its your turn to make one.Whatever you decide to do, I hope that ultimately you're happy with it and able to live with it. Good luck brother and I'll keep you in my prayers.:beerchug:
 
skywalker said:
remember, the bible says if you lust in your heart you have already committed the sin. I venture to say she would not be willing to gamble with her life by playing russian roulette, yet she gambled with your home and family and even eternity by getting involved in this most devastating of sins. Back in 1918 some villages lost 80% of their population to the influenza virus. Today some churches lose up to that same percentage of their congregations to the sin of adultery, yet there is no fear of reprisal. But jesus said, "outside are the dogs, the sexually immoral...". Wake up people, before it is too late. Sister, don't look away from your god and your husband, but go back home where you belong. Brother, do not forsake the wife of your youth. Keep the vows you made before god for nothing and no one is worth breaking them for. Father, this man needs your persistence. Transform his good works today by your word and power. Bless this family and make them whole! I wish you the very best.... Amen :bowdown:
Click to expand...

+1 :bowdown::bowdown::bowdown:
 
Dude, I have been there & done that. Text messaging has brought many people to their knees. I know how you're feeling right now. But trust me on this, LET HER GO.

She will never see that the grass AIN'T GREENER, until you're out of the picture. I held on as long as I could, till I damn near killed someone (seriously). That made me realize that it wasn't worth it. I had worked too hard to give up my freedom & sanity for a woman that was confused. I knew I was/am worth more than that.

In the end, it was nothing but the grace of God that kept me from doing something stupid. And now, almost 2 years later, I am happy to see that there is so much more in life to look forward to. Trust me, your best is yet to come.

If you love her enough & TRULY believe you can ride it out, I wish you the best. But whatever you do, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF & YOUR NEEDS, cause she has shown you repeatedly that YOUR best interest is NOT her priority.

PM me if you want to talk about it. Again, I know all to well about that empty feeling & the feeling of wandering "why me". You don't have to go at it alone. Keep your head up & take care of your kids, this isn't their fault.

Holler at me if you need to.
 
Keep keeping your side of the street clean, keep being a great dad. She's the one who's got some crap to clean up. It sounds like she's the one who should be stressing. Don't move out. Don't do anything that you'll have to apologize for. Stay positive. One way or another everything will work out for you.
 
Prayer sent.
Hang in there man, it is true, life is a *****, then you marry one. Been there brother. Hang in there.
 
twotonevert said:
I dont know that I have shared this with anyone before, but:

This is a feeling that will haunt you. I have been there and know exactly what you are talking about. We tried counseling, I stayed with her for about 2 more years, until finally we split. She refused to admit she was wrong even after confessing to the affair. She said it was all a game. If you ever want to talk, shoot me a pm, we can talk on the phone. Its NOT YOU! Keep your head up.
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Yeah... This sorta thing will likely change the way you look and feel about her forever and it really should fwiw.

My experience was only after 6 years and no kids, but yeah I couldn't trust her anymore, felt eviscerated so I finally gathered up the gumption to move on and toss her out like the wore out tramp she was.

Felt so much better after tossing her out and throwing her VCR and crap into the street...

That was Therapeutic...

It's admirable to stand by for the kids, but it's much unhealthier for them to be around a loveless marriage than to have two healthy but separate households. The strength is in you to make the decision you have to make, just don't forget to consider your life and needs as well. It's all well and good to put others before yourself, but you cannot forget about you.
 
Revlis said:
Yeah... This sorta thing will likely change the way you look and feel about her forever and it really should fwiw.

My experience was only after 6 years and no kids, but yeah I couldn't trust her anymore, felt eviscerated so I finally gathered up the gumption to move on and toss her out like the wore out tramp she was.

Felt so much better after tossing her out and throwing her VCR and crap into the street...

That was Therapeutic...

It's admirable to stand by for the kids, but it's much unhealthier for them to be around a loveless marriage than to have two healthy but separate households. The strength is in you to make the decision you have to make, just don't forget to consider your life and needs as well. It's all well and good to put others before yourself, but you cannot forget about you.
Click to expand...

Right on.....


All I can add is: Hang in there brutha, you've got a whole bunch of support right here in your second home.....
 
Sorry about your having to go through this. There are no word I can say but God loves you and he will see you through this.
 
I feel for you buddy, I was in the same boat. After 19 years mine had come to an end. As a Christian I also wrestled with divorce, I tried like hell to make things work. I tried for over 12 years longer than maybe I should have. I know this does not help, but the bible states the only reason allowable for Divorce is adultry by the partner. I have been so blessed that God has brought a wonderful woman into my life. God will reward you for your efforts. You are going through a valley now, but God has got you on his back carrying you. Give him your burdens as i did mine. It made all the difference in the world. You do know what I mean.
Peace & Love.
Wrath
 
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