21 yr marrage ruined by her affair !!!

[skydivr]

Unless you have a pre-nup, and depending on what state you live in, you have a claim to 50% of that inheritance (whether you'd want it or not, it gives you a bargaining chip should she make a play for your children).

That "I don't know" crap tone will change once she thinks you aren't going to kiss her azz any more. Sometimes it takes something like that to shake them up. Again, he who files first has the tactical advantage. I am so sorry for your loss. Like I said before, staying together and working it out TAKES 2 and was definitly not the easy route, and is only successful in rare instances.

I know you have been shaken to the core. No matter what, the sun will come up in the morning. Right now just work on getting thru each day at a time. Things WILL eventually get better.

 

[Projekt]

Okay.. Time for no more Mr. Niceguy. Stop trying to make sense of it.

She Fu*ked you over, now you need to fu*k her over to see if she snaps out of the "I don't know" attitude. She thinks things are going to go her way because she has confidence due to the inheritance and good paycheck. A good lawyer will make sure you get your share of that as well as Alimony. Yes, I said it alimony!

You need to start playing hardball because too many good men let their scornful women have everything when their heart is broken.

Seriously Dude, F**K that B**CH! Cut her loose and file for divorce first. It might hurt to have these thoughts right now, but it is the best advice a friend ever gave me.

You need to concentrate on your best interests right now and make some moves. File for divorce, start your separation and find a place to stay for the next few months until you grow back your sea legs. Don't bother trying to date until you are up for it and make sure she doesn't know anything more about your private life. You have to be a prick for the sake of reciprocity. Prayer will only take you so far, action will do the rest.

Counselors are expensive, it might behoove you to concentrate your funds on the things you need to do when you leave. Lean on your friends and get away from that situation.

 

[paulo888]

Divorces are expensive but worth it. She cheated on you twice? I'd bet my house that its been more. I've seen 3 good friends go what you're going through. One wife's friend cheated more than 6 times. You say you can't afford separating, but I rather rent a room from a friend and start over than live with a cheater. Funny thing is that when wives see that the husband is really leaving, they wake up and realize oops they want their husband back. My 3 friends wives did exactly that. They left their wives and had to start over but all my divorced friends have found new wives and are much happier in life and wealth. Some Girls seem to think they can keep a guy in the " stand by/in case of emergency" break glass cabinet. Dump her and move on. Please feel free to contact me at anytime. No one will ever treat you better than yourself. Kick her to the curb, share custody of the children, find a new girl, live happily.

 

[pack mule]

Prayers sent for you and your wife. Had a male friend cheat on his wife with one of our coworkers. Married 14 years with two children, one of which needs special care. Both him and his wife were devouted Christians. He regrets going down that path now but its hard to put everything back together after something like that. They are not together, and his life is in the gutter. Alot of drinking and late nights for a man who waited to his honeymoon to have sex for the first time. A bunch of us have been praying for him but he seems too be slipping farther down the wrong path. Lean on your friends that what we are here for.

 

[euroR]

Man I know how u feel, I wasnt married but my ex was doing 7 other guys when she was with me, trust me there is no words out there to describe the feeling I had. But hang in there. If I was married and my wife cheated that would be it, sorry. I was told from someone being married for a long time, there is two things in a marrage, SEX and TRUST. You loose one and its down the drain. Just remember it takes time but it will heal, and remember u still have children that love you and that on its own is enough. Good luck man, take one day at a time. Im not a regular christian but keep the fate.

 

[Poppy]

Not meaning to upset you, but you admit she is a liar, she is deceptive, has unprotected sex with others(that's bad).......got money coming to her.....you need a lawyer quick. Maybe a female lawyer!

You are probably entitled to a share of the money, freeze it before she spends it or gives it to her "friend". Good luck with whatever you decide......

 

[BIKE DUDE]

I told her Sat. that if she is so unhappy there's the door and she said she wasn't going anywhere and that I was the one who would go. I don't want to leave my kids and house but she won't leave either. What right does she have to say who stays or goes when it was her affairs that created this whole mess. Neither of us is willing to leave right now but to be honest, I don't know how much more of this crap I can take. I may have to be the one to go cause I can't deal with this too much longer. Once I leave though I know there's no coming back and my life will never be the same again. My God! My God! Why have you forsaken me?

 

[mrsBusawhipped]

He has not forsaken you!!! You know the poem foot prints? Let him carry you now. Talk to a lawyer Monday morning. Make her leave, keep custody of your children. She messed up and is not willing to work on this relationship. You deserve better and so do your children!!

Hang in there. (((Hugs)))

 

[Bansh]

Chris,

So sorry to hear this! Give me a call. Hectic and I will take you out for a couple of beers.

Hang in there! Change is not bad! It's a new chapter in your life. Things will get better!

 

[pcosho]

Sorry to hear this bro. You got PM

 

[TruWrecks]

The only thing I think I will not forgive is adultery! If it's happened twice (assuming the first was 12 years ago) it will happen again. She can't be trusted to be faithful to you.

I found out ten months after my divorce that my Ex is planning on getting married again. That relationship didn't happen in ten months. It was happening months before we got divorced. Then she tried to take me for spousal support, too. Maybe my view is tainted right now, but unfaithful is unfaithful. Let her go and fight tooth and nail for the children. Don't hide it from the children. They already know something is up. They deserve to know.

 

[BusaWizard]

God will never put more on you than you can bare. What are your hobbies? This thing will eat you alive, you have to find something you like to do to get your mind off of it. I think you know what the end result is going to be, just not ready to face it yet.

 

[Strife]

This kinda stuff is never a good situation. A lot has been said in this thread...

However you or your wife has to go? Ok then you have 3 children. Who is better suited to look after these kids? Not trying to say one is better then another. Just something you need to really consider. She might have cheated on you,but was she a poor mother? Does one of you have more time then the other around the house when the kids are there? Stuff like that.

Kids will adjust to which ever parent is there. However kids will take in what ever bad situations they see(unhappy couple in same household). They see more then you may think. The young might not understand it and turn it into a bad relationship habit when they get older. Please take this into consideration when living under the same roof.

Bottom line. Do what's best for you and your children.

GOOD LUCK!

 

[MPH 200]

I have been there. Only my faith in God pulled me through & brought me closer to God. Make an immediate break, kids will sense the tension & that is not a healthy environment for them. It is better to have parents apart & getting on w/ their lives than together & miserable. One thing I learned, the time you found out about may just be the tip of the iceberg.

 

[Robot]

I told her Sat. that if she is so unhappy there's the door and she said she wasn't going anywhere and that I was the one who would go. I don't want to leave my kids and house but she won't leave either. What right does she have to say who stays or goes when it was her affairs that created this whole mess. Neither of us is willing to leave right now but to be honest, I don't know how much more of this crap I can take. I may have to be the one to go cause I can't deal with this too much longer. Once I leave though I know there's no coming back and my life will never be the same again. My God! My God! Why have you forsaken me?

Forsaken???

Dude, I'm sorry for this lousy situation, but others have been through much worse and got through it.

I have been fortunate enough have a friend who survived a concentration camp, watching his friends around him die.

Sometimes letting pain turn into anger helps you through, unfortunately you still have to deal with that anger at some point.

This too shall pass, guaranteed! hang in there!

 

[Zewski]

I had a fiance that cheated on me. Told me that it was my fault, I was fat, and I should have known that she was too good for me. So I did what every angry person did...I drank...a lot. I also broke some stuff (a lot). Before long I found that I was alone, had a SERIOUS drinking problem, and was as mad as I was the day that she told me all of this. I later found out it had been happening with multiple people for some time. I met my best friend then. I spent all of my time in the weight room, I found something that I could focus on and made me feel so much better about my self. I quit drinking becuase it was so hard on my body when I was lifting. Before I new it, without even looking, my now wife...walked into the picture, she loved me unconditionally for who and what I was. I had my faith rocked and had cursed the lord for making me unattractive and overweight! I think that he sent her into my life to make me quit whining, but life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. You have to make sure you take care of you. My sister gave me a plaque with a an Saying on it:

Work like you don't need the money,
Dance like no one is watching,
Love like you've never been hurt.

I spend everyday with my wife living this, and I still have some self confidence issues, and a whole lot of rage, and a tendency to drink too much, but I found ME again. I don't understand what it is like to have children involved, and I can not even begin to imagine. I want you to know that my prayers are with you that you find what you need to make you whole again. That empty feeling will subside, I am not honestly sure if it is becuase it goes away or it just gets numb, but life goes on, the sun will rise again, and you will be there to see it and enjoy it with your children! Good Luck, and stay strong! lease:

 

[Postal]

Bro, I am praying for you. We have close friends who are going through this right now too. So sorry to hear that it happened to you. Get in to some Christian counseling soon, would be my advice.

P.

 

[thepushercg]

my two cents is not what some want to hear, but i would drop her like a hot rock. theres no way i would let a women make a fool of me, yea i know thats not christian, so be it, thats how i feel about it .if i caught my wife, after the beating she took and the other fellow took, i would be looking for a new woman.

 

[05BUSABLU]

everything is gonna be easyer said than done, she wont make a choice so you will have to. get a lawyer and get started on a new direction. love and pain cant be switched on and off you must make the choice to make your life better and happier she wont do it for you...get going..call now...turn pc off and call......why are you still here reading this .......gooooo callllll



we love ya bro

 

[skydivr]

DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE FIRST...her attorney can make it look like you 'abandoned' them. That was the first piece of advice my attorney gave me. She may even try to change the locks on you while you are at work. No matter how bad, stay in the house until after it's settled. If she doesn't like it, then SHE can leave. Second, do not try to hide money, but put it where you can account for it all and SHE CAN"T TOUCH IT. ALso make sure you can document/account for everything that SHE has. Lastly, again, he who files first has the tactical advantage - it would be naive to think that someone out there isn't telling her the exact same thing - and she may be getting a jump on you. I know it sucks, but like a previous poster says, alot of men have been left to the mercy of a vengeful woman (who do NOT play fair).