Call me Grandpa-stkr00

[thrasherfox]

I would advise against adoption, having been adopted, and recently reunited with my birth Mother after 34 years, I can attest to the emotional toll it takes on both sides. This is just my experience, I'm sure many others would disagree.

That was why I said for STKR00 and his wife to adopt the child temporarily until the daughter and BF can get their act together.

That way the child would still have contact with the birth parents and eventually (hopefully) raised by them in the future.

no matter how you look at it, tough and hard decisions in the future.

Thanks for the thoughts Thrasher

I actually had not thought about adoption in that sense, but it is something that the wife and I will have to discuss.  I know it sounds selfish, but I honestly do not want to be stuck raising my grandchild.  Helping out as needed is one thing, but to let her off from her responsibilities just doesn't seem right.

I will say that I can see how it would be one of the best alternatives in order to help the daughter achieve her goals and secure her future.  I will definitely keep this as a viable option.

Thanks again

It doesn’t sound selfish at all.

but look at it this way, once events have been placed in motion in our world, we cant stop them, we can redirect the energy, but we cant stop the energy. With that said, think of it this way.

You are in a narrow hallway and a boulder has been released. You have three options,

1) you can either let the boulder run right over you and crush you and kill you

2) You can move to the left just enough to get out of the way of the major impact and let it roll over your right leg crushing it.

3) Or you can jump into a small hole that you can almost fit in but you will end up getting an arm and hand crushed.



You cant stop the boulder, but you can choose how it is going to impact you. But in one way or another it WILL impact you.


Your daughter is pregnant. No matter how it is handled it is going to impact you and your wife for the rest of your lives, nothing you can do about it.

You are still raising your 16 year old little girl. Even if she were to move out and try to raise the baby on her own and you keep in contact with her, you and your wife will experience the anxiety and frustration watching her try to do something she is not mature enough to do.

If you she were to leave home with the baby and you never had contact with her again, it will still tear at you and your wife on a daily basis. Causing emotional stress.

Not trying to talk you and the wife into adopting, even if I knew you and your family and we were neighbors I would never try to do that. But from my perspective, you and the wife have been there done that with babies, it would be easier on you and her to maybe just do it than try to watch a 16 year old girl that you love more than anything in the world try to figure it out and maybe just lose it from stress.

From my vantage point, that would be the path of least resistance.

You could even look at it as the best action for damage control to minimize collateral damage.

Ok, I will shut up now, I know I have driven this nail through the wood and out the other side..

All I can add is Dang Bro… I feel for ya. And I hope I don’t end up in your shoes some day, not any choices available that I would want to choose

 

[stkr00]

Pretty good analogy

The daughter is not moving out to try and raise the child. She will be at home until she is out of school...even until the end of college if needed. The father will NOT be living at our house. He can find his own place and visit us, but until she is 18, she's not living with or marrying him. We will help with whatever is needed, and make sure the child is raised well.

When the daughter decides that she is strong enough to be on her own as a single parent, or get married, then all the responsibility will fall on her. We will still make sure the child is well cared for, but will try to act only as normal grand parents. I'm not sure if I would want to adopt our grandchild as our own...mainly for legal reasons, but it would make a good tax write off.

I'll be talking with the wife about it over the weekend, and then we'll get the daughter's point of view. No sense rushing into anything...luckily we still have about 7 months to get all of this planned out.