TURBO VS FAMILY

She just wants to argue....



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I know, I know,
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ultimatums are not a good idea and in a single income family, running out and blowing money is not either.. (just my opin)

I raced for 30+ years and I had 2 wives that started with me "WHILE" I was racing.. They knew going in how much time and money was put into the sport.. After getting married, I received the "Me or the racing"...

needless to say, I will not be "forced" to quit a sport I love dearly and need to keep my sanity.. it is something I had to decide when "I" was ready..

Buying hot rod parts however in a 1 income family and feeling it is the "sole" decision of the income earner is also a bad idea.. I feel that even though there is only one income, there are 2 people working on the home.. Finances need to be discussed in an open and "non controlling" manner I feel.. ($$ is the one of the primary reasons for divorce anyway)

My case was a bit different, I was already committed to a budget for the team and it was known going in..

Anyway... I would probably be taking this up with him in a non threating way as all the ultimatum is going to accomplish is resentment.. If you honestly feel this way however, I would not be using it as a weapon or tool. You make your feelings known, and decide if you can live with his idea of how it all works... you either grow together or go your separate ways...

Really feel for both of you.. it is not easy But hey if you guys are in love, it will work out no matter what anyway
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Mr Bogus @ Jun. 05 2008 said:
ultimatums are not a good idea and in a single income family, running out and blowing money is not either.. (just my opin)

I raced for 30+ years and I had 2 wives that started with me "WHILE" I was racing.. They knew going in how much time and money was put into the sport.. After getting married, I received the "Me or the racing"...  

needless to say, I will not be "forced" to quit a sport I love dearly and need to keep my sanity.. it is something I had to decide when "I" was ready..

Buying hot rod parts however in a 1 income family and feeling it is the "sole" decision of the income earner is also a bad idea.. I feel that even though there is only one income, there are 2 people working on the home.. Finances need to be discussed in an open and "non controlling" manner I feel.. ($$ is the one of the primary reasons for divorce anyway)

My case was a bit different, I was already committed to a budget for the team and it was known going in..  

Anyway... I would probably be taking this up with him in a non threating way as all the ultimatum is going to accomplish is resentment..  If you honestly feel this way however, I would not be using it as a weapon or tool.  You make your feelings known, and decide if you can live with his idea of how it all works... you either grow together or go your separate ways...

Really feel for both of you.. it is not easy
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Thanks for the advice!!! I agree with a lot you said!!!! It helped....
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Thought I would add a little levity! I do feel for your situation.
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My wife and I will be married 20 yrs this 8-20 and have stayed married because neither one of us has "veto" power over the other. We may disagree on things but will discuss it and present our case and if you still "feel strongly about it" you can still do it even if the other person disagrees. I "felt strongly" about my K8 and bought it even though she didn't want me to and if she "feels strongly" about something in the future she will do the same. If you say no, absolutely not, forbid stuff and give ultimatums then resentments will eventually develop and destroy the marriage. Both parties need the freedom to keep themselves happy.
 
IMO, should he be spending 6+ additional grand when there are 5 kids to think about? Hell no, unless their financial future and education are already paid for and he has fun money left over.

Should you be using the kids as leverage in your ultimatum? Hell no, what's wrong with you?

Although the money is already spent it looks like the issue for you is the future of his well being as the father and provider for the family. With 5 kids he should go out and spend that money on life insurance and a disability policy first.
 
Over_Easy @ Jun. 05 2008 said:
IMO, should he be spending 6+ additional grand when there are 5 kids to think about?  Hell no, unless their financial future and education are already paid for and he has fun money left over.

Should you be using the kids as leverage in your ultimatum? Hell no, what's wrong with you?

Although the money is already spent it looks like the issue for you is the future of his well being as the father and provider for the family.  With 5 kids he should go out and spend that money on life insurance and a disability policy first.
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very good points
 
Ultimatums ultimately define a control issue. Your situation could be very different, you could have a legitimate concern, but when you couple this with a demand it still appears to be a threat to gain control.

Relationships never work when couples try and grab the upper hand.

Allow me to ask; Do you know all of the logistics of a turbo? What type of turbo is he trying to put on the bike? How much power will he gain after everything has been installed and tuned?

The Hayabusa in stock form has the ability to go from 0-60 in less than 3 seconds. The same stock Hayabusa can run the quarter mile in less than 10 seconds at speeds close to 150mph. With a fully prepped turbo running all of the best equipment bolted onto a stock bike, which is basically stock trim, will only gain about 1.5 - 1.8 seconds in the quarter mile. I work with a Super Street bike that competes in the AMA DragBike series. That bike has only been a best of 7.92 in testing in the quarter mile. The MPH was 179. By the way, this bike is pushing 500 hp.

Is a turbo dangerous? No. Guns are not dangerous either. What makes things dangerous are the users and the method in which an item is used.

As for your ultimatum, you need to rethink things and calmly talk things out. I would have helped pack your bags with an ultimatum. I have been married 12 years this year and my wife and I do not demand anything from one another. We talk things out, like rational people.
 
Your BF sounds like he should be riding a 50cc moped, since he can't seem to keep his speed under control. That's the problem, and adding a turbo isn't going to help. An occasional rip up to speed isn't much of a problem, but from your description he's headed for disaster.

So, how are the finances in your "family"? Insurance on him? Is he a professional worker with a good future or a laborer who can be fired in a second?

Go see a lawyer quick, and find out what rights you have in your state. 5 kids, unmarried and a speed-crazed dude--the turbo addition is the last thing he needs.

BTW, my Busa is turboed and I have no trouble keeping the speed down to limit+10 about 95% of the time.
 
BUSABABY07 @ Jun. 05 2008 said:
shadiguy1 @ Jun. 05 2008 said:
no he is obligated to discuss financial things with you as his wife. And if you are finacially secure enough for him to make the purchas ein all honesty i would say let him not being a guy thing as i would be supporting you if u said u wanted to get a new car and he said if u get a new car hes leaving i would say the same thing if roles were reversed.
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Alright, but he has 5 children at home....Is this the right decision to be making? Is he comfortable with taking that chance of his kids never seeing him again? Its already a chance everytime he gets on the Busa because he never does the speed limit. Why put Gas in the Fire?
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Over_Easy Said it best. Truth is neither one of you are married so is the commitment you two have for each other based on love for each other or because of the 5 kids? If it is based on love, then that does mean accepting each others faults or what you may deem as faults. He's a speed junkie yes. By the sounds of it one that needs to learn a little restraint if he truly is racing the busa everytime, anytime, anywhere he goes. If it's just a occasional blast down a deserted road or highway well that is a little different.

Truth is the bike is just like any other machine or tool out there. It's only as dangerous as the person using it. If he's all out nuts on it now, turbo will just mean he's quicker with his business. Keeping the turbo off his bike isn't gonna make him safer. Him learning self control on his part will. Otherwise he could be on a slow ass harley and still get hurt acting stupid.

Talk to him and ask him to slow down wether he boost the bike or not. Get himself to a real drag strip or atleast be more thoughtful on where and when he opens the bike up as opposed to racing to the limit every chance he gets. Either way taking yourself and the kids out of his life isn't really the answer. You do have your life to think about as well yes but this goes double for the kids and what they want too. Is it really right to take them away from dad because of something like this?
 
Do not give him an ultimatum... Just make sure that he understands that the $10,000,000 Life Insurance policy you take out is for the future of his children.
 
my wife hated me even having a bike at first. then she saw me ride and heard stories and hated it even more. she has two beautiful little girls that love me soo much and she's pregnant with my first child ( which is a girl who will be named Carma Katlyn Cook ) I like to ride fast and on one wheel sometimes. Which i still do but like others said there's a time and a place. However she doesn't give me ultimatums she just tells me to think of those little girls, which slows me down everytime.
 
My wife got me a full system for my last birthday and I just hope she gets me a turbo kit one day. I love my wife, we both understand that the whole motorcycling thing is dangrous but we also beleive in destiny.
 
Tape a picture of the kids under the speedometer, on his bike. If that don't slow him down....nothing will !!

Some people just like knowing they have an amazing machine, set up to perfection. But if he's hitting 150 mph. everytime I'd say he's not one, lol.


And how long has he had the turbo ??
 
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