OK, Worst thing you have done to your Spouse?
- Thread starter Revlis
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Now there is a keeper!
S7R4NGER
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REVLIS, you story was great. This thread should have a long life as it is very funny.
L4G4RTO, I don't know if you are lucky or not. My wife doesn't ride with me very often (except for the pimples in the butt, OnAHiABusa knows what I'm talking about) and I still don't know if that's good or not. I keep trying though...
USE2B, 10/10 - ROFL.
L4G4RTO, I don't know if you are lucky or not. My wife doesn't ride with me very often (except for the pimples in the butt, OnAHiABusa knows what I'm talking about) and I still don't know if that's good or not. I keep trying though...
USE2B, 10/10 - ROFL.
I recall my hubby hitting me with a yard stick once...he was doing something in the hallway, and I was right behind him trying to help (with whatever we were doing)...anyway, he turned very quickly with the yard stick at the same height as my head, and WHACK! I was nearly knocked over...hurt like hell, but we couldn't stop laughing...
Oh, just remembered a good one...I was weeks from having our first child (3 years ago) and my hubby and I were at the doc's office for a routine visit. The nurses were trying to get all of my paperwork ready because I was being admitted to the hospital soon...Michelle is my middle name, so one nurse asked "what's your first name"...before I could even part my lips, my husband blurts out "Diane"...good try honey, but it's "Diana"...I thought I would die. The nurses were looking at us like "oh, so you two have only just met?" Damn husband's been a part of my life for 15 years and didn't know my first name?! Yeah, that was the worst thing he's done...but, a good story I guess...
As for me...guess one of the worst things I've ever done to him was not knowing he needed my assistance outside...we'd rented an auger (think that's what it was called) to dig post holes for a fence to keep the Danes from carrying off neighbors dogs...he was outside using the auger, and I wasn't feeling well, so I was in the house laying on the couch...I was there for a while when all of the sudden I heard one quick bang on the back door. I slowly got up only to find my husband lying flat out on the deck. He'd been lying in the yard several yards from our home for about 30 minutes in complete pain from pulling his back...he had to drag his body through the woods and up the stairs to finally get my attention...said he'd been calling me for a long time...
I felt terrible, but whenever I think about it, all I remember is wishing I could have seen him dragging himself through the leaves to the steps, probably cursing me the entire time...that, and the fact that he was covered in dirt and leaves from dragging himself along flashes through my mind from time to time...
Oh, just remembered a good one...I was weeks from having our first child (3 years ago) and my hubby and I were at the doc's office for a routine visit. The nurses were trying to get all of my paperwork ready because I was being admitted to the hospital soon...Michelle is my middle name, so one nurse asked "what's your first name"...before I could even part my lips, my husband blurts out "Diane"...good try honey, but it's "Diana"...I thought I would die. The nurses were looking at us like "oh, so you two have only just met?" Damn husband's been a part of my life for 15 years and didn't know my first name?! Yeah, that was the worst thing he's done...but, a good story I guess...
As for me...guess one of the worst things I've ever done to him was not knowing he needed my assistance outside...we'd rented an auger (think that's what it was called) to dig post holes for a fence to keep the Danes from carrying off neighbors dogs...he was outside using the auger, and I wasn't feeling well, so I was in the house laying on the couch...I was there for a while when all of the sudden I heard one quick bang on the back door. I slowly got up only to find my husband lying flat out on the deck. He'd been lying in the yard several yards from our home for about 30 minutes in complete pain from pulling his back...he had to drag his body through the woods and up the stairs to finally get my attention...said he'd been calling me for a long time...
I felt terrible, but whenever I think about it, all I remember is wishing I could have seen him dragging himself through the leaves to the steps, probably cursing me the entire time...that, and the fact that he was covered in dirt and leaves from dragging himself along flashes through my mind from time to time...
I'm sure I'll remem more later Rev , but for now , I can tell you about some verbal abuse .
Was livin' with this girl 8 or 9 yrs ago , she'd have a couple glasses of wine , and then insist on havin' me tell her why I loved her . I FUGGIN' HATE THAT QUESTION .
So one night , she says "Honey ,why do you love me?"
I said ...." 'Cause yer blonde,got big tits,and yer real dumb."
PRESTO , never got that question again .
Have a good 1.....RSD.
Was livin' with this girl 8 or 9 yrs ago , she'd have a couple glasses of wine , and then insist on havin' me tell her why I loved her . I FUGGIN' HATE THAT QUESTION .
So one night , she says "Honey ,why do you love me?"
I said ...." 'Cause yer blonde,got big tits,and yer real dumb."
PRESTO , never got that question again .
Have a good 1.....RSD.
I'm familiar with Portsmouth...don't know about all the great fishing since I don't fish anymore...funny thing is that most people around here head to Cape Hatteras for fishing...
I moved to VA from Colorado in 1979...been here since then...
OK, Here's another. Yeah The wife and I play pretty rough sometimes, we just have fun, mostly I tickle her and she beats me while I tickle...
We were roughhousing, just playing a little bit, well I had her pinned down and had a hold of both wrists... I thought it would be kinda funny to do the ole' "Quit Hitting yerself" thing right? Well there I am struggling just a little cause them lil Irish women are plenty strong, but making her hit herself (SOFTLY) in the forehead and cheeks ya know. She was fighting so I had to use a bit of muscle to get it done. He he, were having fun.
Well I guess I missed the notice that we were done with that little game. She suddenly relaxes, I am still going with some muscle behind it... Yep, POW right on her left eye with her own little fist... So yeah big ole' black eye.
So here's a 6'1" 215lbs Active duty Airman, with his little 5'2" 110 lbs wife walking around with a shiner... Well long story short, about a week later I am in front of the First shirt trying to explain that there is NO abuse in my house, while the wife is standing there looking like I had just hauled off and punched her in the eye...
This idiot just didn't get it, No I was not drunk, No she's not lying for me, WE WERE PLAYING!!!! It took a while but eventually they decided to believe that it was possible that I hadn't been beating my wife...
Now we have to get some head gear, mouth peices and gloves. So when we want to tussle, we don't risk leaving a mark.
The big squishy gloves were my idea. While I have pretty good control and timing, she will occasionally take a wild swing and them little hands freaking HURT...Lil Pointy knuckles...
Yeah it is great stress relief for a married couple, a lot of good exercise, lots of fun, and not mention can be a good way to aaaa, how to put this....you know...umm...well yeah...
Something else that can be fun if your both playfull. You know them pillow bats you had in junior high? Just thick cushy sticks? Well those are a lot of fun and you really cannot hurt each other. They make a great satisfying THWACK noise as well...
We were roughhousing, just playing a little bit, well I had her pinned down and had a hold of both wrists... I thought it would be kinda funny to do the ole' "Quit Hitting yerself" thing right? Well there I am struggling just a little cause them lil Irish women are plenty strong, but making her hit herself (SOFTLY) in the forehead and cheeks ya know. She was fighting so I had to use a bit of muscle to get it done. He he, were having fun.
Well I guess I missed the notice that we were done with that little game. She suddenly relaxes, I am still going with some muscle behind it... Yep, POW right on her left eye with her own little fist... So yeah big ole' black eye.
So here's a 6'1" 215lbs Active duty Airman, with his little 5'2" 110 lbs wife walking around with a shiner... Well long story short, about a week later I am in front of the First shirt trying to explain that there is NO abuse in my house, while the wife is standing there looking like I had just hauled off and punched her in the eye...
This idiot just didn't get it, No I was not drunk, No she's not lying for me, WE WERE PLAYING!!!! It took a while but eventually they decided to believe that it was possible that I hadn't been beating my wife...Now we have to get some head gear, mouth peices and gloves. So when we want to tussle, we don't risk leaving a mark.
The big squishy gloves were my idea. While I have pretty good control and timing, she will occasionally take a wild swing and them little hands freaking HURT...Lil Pointy knuckles...
Yeah it is great stress relief for a married couple, a lot of good exercise, lots of fun, and not mention can be a good way to aaaa, how to put this....you know...umm...well yeah...
Something else that can be fun if your both playfull. You know them pillow bats you had in junior high? Just thick cushy sticks? Well those are a lot of fun and you really cannot hurt each other. They make a great satisfying THWACK noise as well...
That's funny Rev...sounds reminiscent of some of our "struggles" at home, but I haven't rec'd the ol' black eye yet!
I did get my legs spray-painted GOLD by the hubby after a lengthy water fight! He hates it if you splash him or squirt him with the hose if he's dry (yeah, don't we all?)...well, I had the upper hand, kept squirting him until he made it to the house, cut the H2O pump off so I quickly lost pressure, then went to the shed, got a can of gold spray paint, and held me down while he painted my legs...
Sure, everything's all fun and games until someone get's spray painted! :bounce:
I did get my legs spray-painted GOLD by the hubby after a lengthy water fight! He hates it if you splash him or squirt him with the hose if he's dry (yeah, don't we all?)...well, I had the upper hand, kept squirting him until he made it to the house, cut the H2O pump off so I quickly lost pressure, then went to the shed, got a can of gold spray paint, and held me down while he painted my legs...
Sure, everything's all fun and games until someone get's spray painted! :bounce:
Jace
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Hey VA looks like ya had some million dollar legs for a while
The Oracle
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One time when my wife and I were fighting... er, um, discussing things... She stormed out of the condo (she used to do that when we first got married). Anyway, I was in my bikini underwear (don't ask) and I chased her out. The front door to our condo building is a secure one and it locked behind me. Well, she was already in our truck and taking off. So there I am, it is Winter and COLD, 8PM (so people are still about), and she leaves me...
Here is the worst part... She is laughing her ass off as she starts driving away. But, she felt bad for me and turned around and rescued me. My neighbors thought I was a FREAK!
As far as doing something to someone else, I have this 11 balls per second fully automatic paintball marker... I shot one of my buddies (he was on the other team) with three round burst mode on but couldn't tell if any of the balls broke (if they don't break, you aren't hit). So, I creep up on him and find he is laying down. All that I can see is his face (he is wearing a mask of course).
So, I point the machine gun at his face and scream, "Are you hit?"
No response...
So, I scream again, "Are you hit?"
Still no response...
So, this time I yell, "I am gonna shoot you in your fugin face if you don't respond!"
He makes a minor sort of whelping sound and I notice that he looks to be in pain. So, I lower my weapon and move in. Turns out, I shot him with all three balls (215+ ft per second mind you [we have a chrono for those homegrown games]) right in the family jewels.
To this day, he still refuses to play (it is three years later), and he was healing and out of commission for two weeks.
Here is the worst part... She is laughing her ass off as she starts driving away. But, she felt bad for me and turned around and rescued me. My neighbors thought I was a FREAK!
As far as doing something to someone else, I have this 11 balls per second fully automatic paintball marker... I shot one of my buddies (he was on the other team) with three round burst mode on but couldn't tell if any of the balls broke (if they don't break, you aren't hit). So, I creep up on him and find he is laying down. All that I can see is his face (he is wearing a mask of course).
So, I point the machine gun at his face and scream, "Are you hit?"
No response...
So, I scream again, "Are you hit?"
Still no response...
So, this time I yell, "I am gonna shoot you in your fugin face if you don't respond!"
He makes a minor sort of whelping sound and I notice that he looks to be in pain. So, I lower my weapon and move in. Turns out, I shot him with all three balls (215+ ft per second mind you [we have a chrono for those homegrown games]) right in the family jewels.
To this day, he still refuses to play (it is three years later), and he was healing and out of commission for two weeks.
(silencer)
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I hate that question too.. I'll have to remember that response for next time...
si.
Oracle, That is just to much...Freakin Bikini underwear though?
And The paintball stuff... Funny, funny stuff. We used to have bottle rocket wars...Cut the end off a wiffle ball bat and you got your self an RPG...
A lot of my friends back in Colorado are into the Paintball stuff. There is a course in Northern Colorado that is about 200 Acres I guess, mountains etc. Supposed to be the bomb...
And The paintball stuff... Funny, funny stuff. We used to have bottle rocket wars...Cut the end off a wiffle ball bat and you got your self an RPG...
A lot of my friends back in Colorado are into the Paintball stuff. There is a course in Northern Colorado that is about 200 Acres I guess, mountains etc. Supposed to be the bomb...
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