Yo Momma Jokes

[jwcfbd]

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.
A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, ...go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2003 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$60,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing....the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too." The man hangs up.

The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"



what did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm:
how are we suposed to find the egg with all this poop in here

The first one is funny but I could have done without the second one. I WAS eating lunch

 

[Juggler]

Your mama is so fat, when she gets cut, gravy pours out!

 

[NotABusa]

Your Mama got more chins than a Chinese Phone book.

Your mama so old, when God said, "let there be light", she flipped the switch.

I used to have a MILLION of these, but can't think of them right now cuz I actually want to use them.

I hate when that happens.

 

[ThunderPants]

Yo momma's glasses so thick when she looks at a map she sees people waving.

 

[ThunderPants]

Yo momma's got a wooden leg with a kickstand

 

[ThunderPants]

Yo mama's so fat, her nickname is "Damn."

 

[k5fan]

THAT IS OL SCHOOL NOW. HEARD TOO MANY TO CARE ABOUT. BUT IT IS STILL COOL EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE TO HEAR ONE

 

[vermin913]

MORE than 100%?

Simple Math:

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?


We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over
100%.

How about achieving 103%?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions:

What makes up 100% in life?

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4 5 = 100%

And.....

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far *** kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that:

While Hard work and knowledge will get you close,

And, Attitude will get you there,

******** and *** kissing will put you over the top.

 

[Daddy Fatsac]

Yo momma so stupid she went to a Rate R Movie it said under 18 not permitted, so she went home and got 17 more people.

 

[VaBusa]

Yo momma so old, she older than yo grandma

Yo momma so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence

Yo momma so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party

Yo momma so fat shes on both side of the family

Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says, "To be continued."

Yo momma so fat we're in her right now

Yo momma so fat she uses I-95 for a Slip 'n Slide