You propose on a saturday, then the next day....??

[redkat05]

Well its done, she came and got all her stuff this mornin and she was baullin the whole time and askin me why this, why that. It hurt that I couldn't give her any other answer than that I didn't feel for her the way I had prior to her givin the ring back. No matter what I said she said "I SWEAR on my own life that i KNOW you aren't tellin me the truth. I know you were doin somethin. And i hope you know you've shattered what i thought was gonna be my life." I could tell her nothing other than i'm sorry it had come to this but why should I lie about my heart and what's in it. Right now I feel terrible on her behalf because nobody likes to see a woman cry, well except for those who deserve it and TRUST ME there are some who do. Time heals all wounds n junk.
Thank you all for your support and "love" hehe.
Oh and ben, I know you and the rest of my "family" are there for me and I'll likely need that in the coming weeks as i cope with the decision and recovery.

 

[LABusa]

Hey bro, comming in on the tail end of this but to quote my father "honey, don't leave mad, just leave". I know it's tough to see someone you love be in pain but sometime you just have to do what is best for both. It might not be easy but it sure sounds like it was necessary. In my opinion there has been very good advice throughout this post.
Stay strong and remember the bus stop theory.... there is one along every 10 to 15 minutes so jump on the one that is going where you want to go.
Take Care and Good Luck!!!
Anthony

 

[BanditKing]

she's 27. One thing that's for sure, that i'm VERY SURE, I either can't deal with or she'll have to change is her jealousy. Its through the damn roof. I'm the type of guy that i have just as many girl friends as guy friends and i know from experience before, FRIENDS ARE FRIENDS and no one woman is worth alienating your friends over.

Dude,

all girls have wicked jealous streaks, some hide it better than others, most, i belive can't. If she's really not jealous, it's cause she thinks your replaceable.

also, like everyone else says: you guys need a serious no-holds-barred sit down about how serious marriage is for both of you. From the sound of it (and honestly, it's just your version here, and short at that), it doesn't sound like she's ready, and is not able to tell you (perhaps 'cause you're living together) and feels trapped. These episodes of wanting to go out on her own for a last "hurrah" may be attempts to find someone else so that she can feel safe leaving you...

...all the girls i know of where were proposed to were on cloud nine for months...

...just my 2 cents...

 

[turbojonn]

I hope you're able to stay strong in the next few days. It's gotta' be tough to see her get torn up cry. Just remember what led up to this, her faults, faults that sound like they're not compatible with ANY long term healthy relatinship. She may want to grab on to what she can't have (you) and she may try real hard to get you back. The person she'll be now (while trying to get you back) is not the person she will turn back into if you take her back, which it sounds like you won't do.
She said that you shatterred what she thoght was going to be the rest of her life. Was that the life where you didn't get to see your friends, and she goes out alone until 8:30 in the  morning? And she thinks you did something you're not telling her about? Those are code words for 'who did you sleep with'. She doesn't trust. I don't even think it was about her trust in you, it was about her being able to trust anybody at all. I don't know you or her personally, but in my opinion, from what I've read about your situation, you made the right move.
I had a girlfriend years ago that was a complete mess. I knew it was going nowhere fast. I did what you did and got out. I saw her years later, stopped in a car with her now family. To set the scene, it was a beat up piece of crap car that was filthy, two kids screaming in the backseat (also filthy) and a guy that looked JUST LIKE ME in the passenger seat! She was screaming at this guy at the top of her lungs. I had three thoughts immediatelly go through my mind:

1. Thank God I got out.
2. That could have been me.
3. That poor son of a #####, he bred with her.

As an afternote: I'm married to a great woman now. My life and family are great. Please don't ever doubt that you did the right thing.



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[BanditKing]

sorry about the above post....i made it before reading the whole thread.

I think you were strong and right to make the decision you did. it really is for the best...no one should get married "just because"...it's a serious undertaking, and any misgivings should be thoughtfully considered.

you did right. best of luck in the future.

 

[redkat05]

ok somethin just BLEW me away. For craps n giggles i went to match.com cause a pop up came up and i wondered how that site worked so i went to it. Low and behold it prompts me if Jowens27 wants to sign in..............just so happens to be my ex's screen name........kinda weird don't y'all think?

 

[The Big Red One]

There's a reason over 60% of relationships fail. When you enter a relationship its not just about you.....you can't live the same life and be the same exact way you were when you were single. You are getting something very special in a relationship, but it aint' free. You have to remember there's another party involved and both of you have to compromise....give up some things that you are used to having your way. If the product isn't worth the price I really think more folks should step back until they're sure they wanna pay for what they're getting. Nowadays its such a me me me society that I really wonder if the majority of folks have the ability to understand and truly enjoy a relationship. Marriage can be the best thing in life if you want it to be....too bad it seems its only the minority that are actually enjoying it.................

 

[thrasherfox]

ok somethin just BLEW me away. For craps n giggles i went to match.com cause a pop up came up and i wondered how that site worked so i went to it. Low and behold it prompts me if Jowens27 wants to sign in..............just so happens to be my ex's screen name........kinda weird don't y'all think?

I dont think it is weird..

That is normal for someone who is not ready to settle down..

Like everyone said, things just didnt seem right.... it sounds like you did the right thing..

 

[redkat05]

oh i KNOW i did the right thing and its incredibly vindicating to stand up for your beliefs when ya can lol.

 

[Projekt]

lease is in my name, its my apartment

I may be late with this suggestion but don't warn her, don't hint. Just call a locksmith first thing in the morning and while the locks are being changed, pack out her stuff onto whatever buddy's truck you can get and drop everything off with Gramps. Then call us for a beer at your place.
Those of us in the area will definitely come and back you up to take the edge off..

Yup, just went through the rest of'm and saw that I indeed was late.
Congratulations! One way to look at it is like I do...
<span style='font-family:arial'><span style='font-size:13pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:darkred'>I can be miserable by myself due to my own poor decisions, but I will not allow anyone else to make me miserable.
Good onto you brother for making the tough decision and going down the difficult branch of the road...</span></span></span>



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[redkat05]

i'd gladly have y'all over for a brew

 

[tinmann840]

Was that 8:30 am

Your a better man than me . My woman stays out all night and comes dragging in the next morning and she better bring the fire department with her cause all of her sh*t is on the front lawn burning . Or I would have taken hr picture the moment she walked in the door and time stamped the picture and everytime I planned on staying out late I'd leave the picture as wallpaper on the PC. Get Out Of Jail Free Card.
Everytimes she does something stupid put the wedding off for a couple of month and if the dum sh*t contiues past 6 months . RUN D*AMNIT ...RUN!!!!!

 

[redkat05]

ok y'all, wanna hear some more interesting info? I just got the MOTHER of all info this mornin. Nothin will get you INSTANTLY awake and coherent like gettin a text message from your ex sayin "I just spend 3hrs in the ER and found out I was pregnant. I don't want anythign from you but I don't know what i'm gonna do." She had her period last week which i know its possible but it just figures somethin like this would happen :-/ . Funny thing is, when we were together i'd be excited but now i'm nervous, scared, ashamed.

 

[heavybusa]

I can imagine that this was a shock. Are you sure she is not just trying to get your attention and making it up?

If it is true and yes I know this may cause controversy and debate, but there are alternatives to unplanned birth and that is something that you two need to discuss.

There is nothing worse than bringing a child into the world if you are not prepared.

 

[redkat05]

I am not sayin I wouldn't support the child, I would die to make sure he/she had a good life, that's not the issue. She's the one that said she's not sure what she's gonna do, I don't feel like gettin into a pro life/pro choice discussion cause that'll just bring up alot of issues with everyone. I'm still comin to grips with the news

 

[Over_Easy]

ok y'all, wanna hear some more interesting info? I just got the MOTHER of all info this mornin. Nothin will get you INSTANTLY awake and coherent like gettin a text message from your ex sayin "I just spend 3hrs in the ER and found out I was pregnant. I don't want anythign from you but I don't know what i'm gonna do." She had her period last week which i know its possible but it just figures somethin like this would happen :-/ . Funny thing is, when we were together i'd be excited but now i'm nervous, scared, ashamed.

Jay,

She sent you a text message with that little update???  IMO, looks like she may be fuggin' w/ ya.  You'll have to investigate further.  

You used to bend over backwards to please her and she knows this...just don't let her run over/control you w/ this.  You need to confirm this pronto.

-What was she doing in the ER?
-Was she not on birth control (the pill)?
-Did you EVER use condoms?
-If even true, from the looks of her past actions there is no guarantee it's yours (paternity test).



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[heavybusa]

Understood and I would like to aviod that also.

I'm sure you will do the right thing as a man and support the descision.

Have you spoken to her or just text?

Is she okay, I'm sure the emergency room is not normal protocall for a pregnancy test.

 

[redkat05]

yeah i askd her that, she said she went to the er cause she wasn't feelin right, dizzy n what not. Did seem kinda obtuse that she'd tell me in a text and not at least a voicemail. I don't want to be THAT ####### and ask for a paternity test but I dunno

 

[redkat05]

####### was a**hole

 

[heavybusa]

Thanks for the translation.

As hard as it sounds in a situation like this you have to look out for number one.

I would as for something, a doctors name or call the hospital and talk to the nurse if you dont want to call her out.

Overeasy had a good list of questions:

She sent you a text message with that little update??? IMO, looks like she may be fuggin' w/ ya. You'll have to investigate further.

You used to bend over backwards to please her and she knows this...just don't let her run over/control you w/ this. You need to confirm this pronto.

-What was she doing in the ER?
-Was she not on birth control (the pill)?
-Did you EVER use condoms?
-If even true, from the looks of her past actions there is no guarantee it's yours (paternity test). [/QUOTE]

+1 on that.