You propose on a saturday, then the next day....??
- Thread starter redkat05
- Start date
good for you man....proud of ya...sometimes it takes big balls to look reality in the face and see things for what they are...or have become....ya done good...and i gotta hunch that you'll be happy ya missed whatever the future might have brought...which undoubtedly would've been....well?...not good.
Congrats again and L8R, Bill.
Jay, this may be a little unfair of me to post this, seeing as how I'm probably the only person on this board that knows you personally, and has met the fiancee. So, if it's a problem with you, let me know and I'll remove my post.
That being said, let me say this first: Jay, you're one of my best friends I have. So I may be a little biased in my opinion of this relationship, but I'll try and stay as neutral as possible, and if I say something that may upset you, I apologize in advance.
I've never really had a good impression of Jules through talking with you about her and reading her myspace items. Seems to me that she may be 27, going on 20/21. Life to her is still about drinking, bar hopping and gambling. I don't think she's ready to move on and be committed to a serious relationship, something more than exclusively dating someone. But that's just my first impression, and it hasn't changed much with the few times I've met her in person.
You on the other hand, can go balls into something with fully seeing the big picture sometimes. Nothing wrong with that, some call that blind dedication and the willingness to make it work no matter the circumstances. Unfortunately, the circumstances here are much bigger, and some due discretion and patience may have been beneficial in this instance.
Jay, no matter what, our family loves you. You're like a brother to me, and my son looks up to as a role model (though he doesn't know any better.
) We hate to see you hurt, we want to see you in a healthy relationship and happy. If there's anything we could do we would, and you know that. But the one thing that really worries us about Jules is her unwillingness to even recognize your friends. Do you realize how many times we invited both of you guys out to something, and she has ditched out? It's almost like she's not even making an attempt to get to know us. And that worries us because you told us that one of the important factors for any girlfriend of yours is that she has to get along with us and enjoy hanging out with us, especially since we do so many things together all year long. I don't know if she fits that category, or even wants to for that matter.
I don't know bro, she worries me. To me, it seems I've heard about more problems with you guys then good times. To me that feels like a bad sign.
If you want a solid marriage, you have to have a rock solid foundation, something extremely stable. That way a few fights won't crumble the whole relationship. It seems you guys have built a foundation more on sand. It may work right now, but it seems there's already some settling and cracking occuring. And it could only get worse unless you really do something about it.
I can't tell you to cut, bake and run. That's not fair of me to say that since you're such a good friend. I will say that I want to see you happy, and you DESERVE to be happy. You do what you think will make you happy in the long run. But I will tell you my opinion, I have a bad vibe of her.If you guys get married, I could see the marriage being similar to how someone elses we know. Just two people living together, but no real relationship.
On top of all that, I think Jules may have a gambling problem. If she doesn't get that worked out now, then you guys really shouldn't get married or she'll drag you down with her addiction.
That being said, let me say this first: Jay, you're one of my best friends I have. So I may be a little biased in my opinion of this relationship, but I'll try and stay as neutral as possible, and if I say something that may upset you, I apologize in advance.
I've never really had a good impression of Jules through talking with you about her and reading her myspace items. Seems to me that she may be 27, going on 20/21. Life to her is still about drinking, bar hopping and gambling. I don't think she's ready to move on and be committed to a serious relationship, something more than exclusively dating someone. But that's just my first impression, and it hasn't changed much with the few times I've met her in person.
You on the other hand, can go balls into something with fully seeing the big picture sometimes. Nothing wrong with that, some call that blind dedication and the willingness to make it work no matter the circumstances. Unfortunately, the circumstances here are much bigger, and some due discretion and patience may have been beneficial in this instance.
Jay, no matter what, our family loves you. You're like a brother to me, and my son looks up to as a role model (though he doesn't know any better.
I don't know bro, she worries me. To me, it seems I've heard about more problems with you guys then good times. To me that feels like a bad sign.
If you want a solid marriage, you have to have a rock solid foundation, something extremely stable. That way a few fights won't crumble the whole relationship. It seems you guys have built a foundation more on sand. It may work right now, but it seems there's already some settling and cracking occuring. And it could only get worse unless you really do something about it.
I can't tell you to cut, bake and run. That's not fair of me to say that since you're such a good friend. I will say that I want to see you happy, and you DESERVE to be happy. You do what you think will make you happy in the long run. But I will tell you my opinion, I have a bad vibe of her.If you guys get married, I could see the marriage being similar to how someone elses we know. Just two people living together, but no real relationship.
On top of all that, I think Jules may have a gambling problem. If she doesn't get that worked out now, then you guys really shouldn't get married or she'll drag you down with her addiction.
Ben your words touch home like ya don't even know. Nothing you said upset me in anyway. If anything it just exemplified everything I was feeling but had no idea others could see it as well. You are also like a brother to me and i love you all dearly. I have talked to norb about it and I apologize to you all if i seemed like a lush for professing so freely how great thigns were to be and now they've failed. I'm sorry if I put you guys through junk with this.
letter is written y'all. I'm the type of person like i said before that If i did it in person i'd choke up and couldn't get out all the things i needed/wanted to say. I'm droppin it off tonight and dealin with the circumstances in the morning after work.
letter is written y'all. I'm the type of person like i said before that If i did it in person i'd choke up and couldn't get out all the things i needed/wanted to say. I'm droppin it off tonight and dealin with the circumstances in the morning after work.
this is from the wifey:
Jay, we love you and always will. You've become family to us and you know how i feel about family!!
The girls knew (me, Meg, and Moo) that Jules was either not going to show or want to leave early to go out with her friends. Read the posts on myspace and you'll understand....you just gotta follow the posts between friends.
Also do you think that the whole "marriage" deal seems cool to her at this time because some of her friends are getting married and it's really easy to get caught up in the whole planning, exciting time.
I also agree with Ben, that it doesn't seem like she wants to get to know us and hang out with us and give us a chance. I know coming into our group would be hard for anyone cause we all are so close and do alot of things together....but think back....how much have you done with us since you've met Jules....how much do you talk to Ben....yes i know we all have busy lives and off schedules but we've always made it work before. When was the last time you came for dinner and to hang out with Rhino and do legos? I don't think Jules would understand that kind of thing....maybe i'm wrong.
Lastly....if anyone trys to take you away from us be prepared for a down right knock out war...I will not loose my Jay Jay, unless my Jay Jay tells me to get lost. Hell who else am i suppose to cheat on my hubby with?
I love you Jay and only want you to be the happiest you can be, we'll live with the decisions you make and try to make work the best we can on our end BUT you must be happy within in those decisions. The love of a relationship is a bonus, it's not something you have to beg, steal, wish and work for.
Jay, we love you and always will. You've become family to us and you know how i feel about family!!
The girls knew (me, Meg, and Moo) that Jules was either not going to show or want to leave early to go out with her friends. Read the posts on myspace and you'll understand....you just gotta follow the posts between friends.
Also do you think that the whole "marriage" deal seems cool to her at this time because some of her friends are getting married and it's really easy to get caught up in the whole planning, exciting time.
I also agree with Ben, that it doesn't seem like she wants to get to know us and hang out with us and give us a chance. I know coming into our group would be hard for anyone cause we all are so close and do alot of things together....but think back....how much have you done with us since you've met Jules....how much do you talk to Ben....yes i know we all have busy lives and off schedules but we've always made it work before. When was the last time you came for dinner and to hang out with Rhino and do legos? I don't think Jules would understand that kind of thing....maybe i'm wrong.
Lastly....if anyone trys to take you away from us be prepared for a down right knock out war...I will not loose my Jay Jay, unless my Jay Jay tells me to get lost. Hell who else am i suppose to cheat on my hubby with?
I love you Jay and only want you to be the happiest you can be, we'll live with the decisions you make and try to make work the best we can on our end BUT you must be happy within in those decisions. The love of a relationship is a bonus, it's not something you have to beg, steal, wish and work for.
Man, if you are having doubts you need to cut the engagement off. It sounds as though you are not sure if you want to get married and if you are having trust issues and fighting that much now, getting married will not solve them. They will just get worse. I think you need to sit down and have a heart to heart conversation right now. Get everything out in the open before you decide to pursue a wedding....
Never rush the marriage thing. And if you have second thoughts. Well it's usually over.
For the quote.
I had a girl move out when I was not home. Now I am still missing a antique lantern and a circular saw. WTF. Why would she take a mans circular saw. Oh, and that lantern was very old and given to me by grand dad.
Yeah, I was gonna say make sure your there when she's packing. Just to make sure nothing gets damaged or stolen.
turbojonn
Registered
I found myself checking your state to see if I was close enough to come help you get her stuff out of your place. Sounds like you're making the best choice for your future. Now go hide your bike and change the locks to the house. Good luck and good job. You are one sensible guy.
She would take his circular saw for the sole reason that she knew it would royally piss him off. He's probably a freakin' carpenter as well.
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